u/WaryWisp

I thought I'd come on here to vent mainly, but also to seek support or any advice on how to best deal with dysphoria specifically around cramps? I don't mean the bleeding or the other things that come with the menstrual cycle, but specifically the cramps. I appreciate that if anybody has suggestions.

Okay so, I'm about a month and a half on Testosterone gel and I began it very close to when I was finishing a period, so I didn't get to see that early on if it would stop the bleeding. About 7 days ago, I should have been on my period, but for the entire 5 days that I would normally be having it, it didn't happen. I had cramps leading up to these 5 days, as well as the typical moodiness and other things that come along with my period approaching, but during the 5 days that I was meant to have it, I didn't bleed or cramp at all.

Now, for the past several days since my period "ended" I am cramping so severely that sometimes I can barely stand and it is making me feel irritable and angry. I am finding myself dissociating a bit from my body and things because the pain is so strong and causing me to feel a great amount of gender dysphoria. I was so relieved and happy when I didn't bleed, but this outcome is now much worse than if I had just bled and got it over with, even if that was dysphoric too, it would have been for less time.

I also have suspected but not confirmed PMOS/PCOS, not sure if that is relevant.

Hello, just wanted to come on here and make a post to ask if this has happened to anybody else before. Recently, I booked a flex car to use, was getting ready to get out of the house to go grab it, when I was about to step out the door, there was still about 20 mins remaining, but what happened was I noticed that the car icon was no longer showing in the location that it was in, the location that I'm able to walk to from home to get it, it was across the city from me it showed on the map when it wasn't before and I had to cancel my reservation for it! I'm wondering how this may have happened to begin with as it was meant to stay reserved right, that's how it works? Luckily there were other cars in our area, but sometimes they can be tricky to grab, so if it happened during a time when there weren't any others, would have been out of luck.

I'm absolutely torn between keeping my hair long, and getting it chopped into a masc style. I am sure this kind of post crosses this subreddit daily, but it is truly weighing on me the most right now. I've been on HRT now for a month and a half, and I told myself before going on HRT and up until recently that I would NOT cut my hair short. This was for a number of reasons, one being a spiritual connection to hair but also a personal one, and I didn't care if I passed or not and I didn't think that my mind would change. I'm not sure if the HRT has caused it, but I suddenly feel painfully aware of my long hair, it's existence, and how annoying it is on my face, how tangled it gets, I also don't want to take care of it or brush it anymore, so it's very matted and up in a bun or a hat at all times... I think I should chop it off, but the thought of that literally pains me, it also pains me to keep it? I also have a major insecurity at how chubby and round my face is, I'm a bit overweight so I fear that the big chop will result in worse dysphoria. I've also had long hair for my whole entire life so maybe it's the comfort I'm stuck in, the familiarity. I wonder if anybody may have similar experiences and what they did to stop feeling so conflicted? Do I just go for the chop and hope for the absolute best, know that I'll survive and it grows back? I know I'll be okay and it isn't world ending if I don't like it, but it feels so hard to do yet I think I want it but I think I don't.

Post edited for spelling and grammar but I'm sure it's still bad lol 😅

Does anybody have any tips, advice or maybe experience to share on what helps or may have helped if you were struggling to accept yourself?

I am having so many emotions and inner conflict since my egg cracked. I have the most accepting people in my life, and I'm an adult who has easy access to what I need to start transition where I live (thankful for that, as I know not everybody has that same access or privilege), so the only one who's getting in the way of me being fully happy and taking certain steps in the process to be my true self right now is me. I managed to actually take the big step just today of starting the process to get an appointment to get onto hrt, I did the thing and I made the phone call and I'm so proud of myself, but I also go back and fourth emotionally from really euphoric feelings and joy, to relief and acceptance, but then I end up suffocating in feelings that I think are actually pretty transphobic if I said them to anybody else and I don't actually feel transphobic toward others or hateful in any way, and I would never say these things to another because I don't believe them, I don't hold belief in these thoughts and I know this deep down but it gets rough in the moment when I'm having them (they feel really intrusive). I can and do accept everybody else but myself and I feel like I am not allowed to transition for some reason..

I know this is what a lot of people go through who figure out that they are trans in some way, so I know that I'm at least not alone in this. My mood swings are full blown and this is just adding to that, and with these mood swings I'm in a constant battle with myself from love to hate, to love again and I feel like I'm being put through the wringer. I have recently felt the happiest that I have felt in a long time, but I am also the most overwhelmed and scared that I've ever been.

It feels like no matter how much I tell myself in those good moments that I am okay to be myself, that I'm allowed to be my true self and gender .. It doesn't take me long at all before I go back into a headspace of wanting to forget that I am trans, of wanting to un-realize the realization, and having feelings of wanting to crawl back into my old self and just continue to live my life as it has always been. I know that isn't right, and that I can't deny myself of who I am, that would be detrimental. I know that a lot of people may tend to think that it's too late for them to transition, but I know it's actually too late for me to return to my "normal" old self and live life as my AGAB without significant distress and possibly doing something really stupid and permanent because I can't cope with with the what if scenario of what could be if I just do what's best for me and accept/love myself. It feels like my own brain is constantly attacking me.

I'm a goofy guy, and that's that! That's all there is to it, I'm just a guy and I'm goofy as hell. I love this shit!!!!!! Being a GUY and GOOFY!? Hell yeah!