u/WashawayWashbear

Boy, howdy, I hope that link works.

Source: A clip my fellah took while at work today.

I've (43F) been with my current partner (43M) for just over a year and a half. I love him to pieces. He's kind. Helpful. Thoughtful. Patient. Our traumas mirror each other which give us unique understandings of each other. In short: I really, really don't want to lose this one.

The problem? I basically lose interest in sex within the first 3-4 months of all my relationships. This one is no different. I'm still attracted to him. I still find him desirable. I still have roughly once weekly self-love time. But for the life of me, when he excitedly brings up sex, I get ... mad? ... resentful? I can't quite explain the feeling. I've become less receptive and turn him down as gently as I can. We still have sex, just way less than what he'd prefer. And I usually have to have consumed edibles.

It's like at some point my brain switches from "ohh, he finds me attractive! Oo lala!" To "Ew, he's viewing me as a cum dumpster" or worse "Get away from me, is that all you think about??" To be clear: i do not verbalize these thoughts. I can see that they're harmful. And I can see that they're ridiculous. I can see that they don't make sense. But. They Keep. COMING.

End result is i eventually decide the annoyance of having a partner that wants to have sex with me too much, I (wrongly) pathologize them, then peace out as the relationship tanks from a lack of intimacy.

How do I stop doing this?

How do I learn that a long-term partner wanting to have sex with me is normal, not a big ask, and not something to be resentful over?

How do I become receptive instead of turned off?