u/Wegwerf157534

When are you ready for dating

When are you actually ready? I read someone here that you’re definitely not ready to date if you’ve still got photos of that person hanging around. Well, fuck me, because not only that, I’ve still got his stubbles lying on the bathroom sill and I don't know how another person should walk into this apartment, let alone sleep on his side.

As we all know, grief comes in waves. And at some higher point of such wave I started forcing myself a bit to have a look at a dating platform. At first, it really felt like a thoroughly unwelcome chore. Then I swiped left on two or three people and thought, ‘That’s enough for today. You did well.'

Until, for the first time, someone came along whose eyes and profile I somehow found genuinely trustworthy and a bit touching. Months went by, but then, at some point last week, I finally matched with this person and met them. But the aversion and the distance I felt during the whole thing.. Anyway, I suppose I have to admit to myself that I’m not giving this person, or anyone else, for that matter, a fair chance. They’re just not him. There is always something wrong. There is even one person, super nice, having many features I liked with my man. Blue eyes? No. I really do not like blue eyes, but I always find something to sort them out! I cannot become interested in **something new**.

I hastily unmatched this date person, now I am wondering if I I’ve simply become a victim of my own self in the process.

It’s been 27 months for us. My last suicidal week was almost three weeks ago. Yay me. For about a month now, I’ve almost constantly come to terms with the fact that he would want me to have another relationship somehow and that I’ll be able to love two people. Because I believe that’s how it will always be. I have absolutely no reason not to love him; I have no reason to distance myself. I feel him within me, in my heart and in my body. He walks next to me and sleeps next to me. But of course I still am not touched and I do not exchange my thoughts, do not look into the same direction with someone and the lack of all of this does hurt me.

So am I not ready? When is one ready?

When are you actually ready? How did it go for you?

I read someone here that you’re definitely not ready to date if you’ve still got photos of that person hanging around. Well, fuck me, because not only that, I’ve still got his stubbles lying on the bathroom sill.

As we all know, everything comes in waves. And at some higher point of such wave I started forcing myself a bit to have a look at a dating platform. At first, it really felt like a thoroughly unwelcome chore. Then I swiped left on two or three people and thought, ‘That’s enough for today. You did well.'

Until, for the first time, someone came along whose eyes and profile I somehow found genuinely trustworthy and a bit touching. Months went by, but then, at some point last week, I finally matched with this person and met them. But the aversion and the distance I felt during the whole thing.. Anyway, I suppose I have to admit to myself that I’m not giving this person, or anyone else, for that matter, a fair chance. They’re just not him. There is always something wrong. There is even one person, super nice, having many features I liked with my man. Blue eyes? No. I really do not like blue eyes, but I always find something to sort them out! I cannot become interested in something new.

I hastily unmatched this person, now I am wondering if I I’ve simply become a victim of my own self in the process.

It’s been 27 months for us. My last suicidal week was almost three weeks ago. Yay me. For about a month now, I’ve almost constantly come to terms with the fact that he would want me to have another relationship somehow and that I’ll be able to love two people. Because I believe that’s how it will always be. I have absolutely no reason not to love him; I have no reason to distance myself. I feel him within me, in my heart and in my body. He walks next to me and sleeps next to me. But of course I still am not touched and I do not exchange my thoughts, do not look into the same direction with someone and the lack of all of this does hurt me.

So am I not ready? When is one ready?

I don't know if you read this, I hope so. I was just about to get ready for bed and wanted to answer you then, but then you deleted.

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First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Consider yourself a widow by the standards of this forum and please be assured that how you get treated is pretty exactly how quite some more 'socially clear' widows get treated.

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You are welcome here. Much love. ❤️

Are you a younger widow(er)? I mean not super young, like under thirty, but younger, like under 50?

Because I just red, extensively, in a widow(er) forum in my native language. The participants are mostly older widows with long marriages (and mostly marriages, less partnerships). And the tone is not remotely of such dejection and derealisation (or shock) as it is here.

I am a bit surprised and try to understand.

(my native language is german, but I do not assume, that is the reason for the different tone)

edit: I am sorry, I should have made it clearer. 50 is, of course, an arbitrary number and was more ment as a rough guide for 'experienced prematurity'. But I did not express that so well. :) I'm sorry, noone has to fullfill a mark here..