u/Western-Search3310

Ma meilleure amie, que je connais depuis 25 ans, a 35 ans mais elle est toujours obsédée par l'idée d'être populaire et aimée de tout le monde. Elle surveille constamment mon comportement en groupe, me disant de ne pas rire trop fort ou de faire l'idiote pour éviter d'être jugée. Lors d'un festival récent, notre amie commune Anna a fait un mini bad trip après avoir pris un brownie au cannabis, mais tout le monde a été bienveillant et calme. Ma meilleure amie, en revanche, était furieuse et a passé la nuit à s'excuser auprès de tout le monde au nom d'Anna. Elle attrapait les gens par le bras pour les supplier de ne pas penser que nous étions "ce genre de personnes". Elle m'a ensuite avoué qu'elle était terrifiée à l'idée que nous perdions des futures invitations à cause des actions d'Anna.

Est-ce que quelqu'un a déjà réussi à aider un ami à se débarrasser de cette mentalité de lycéenne passé la trentaine ?

My best friend of 25 years is 35 but still obsesses over being popular and liked by everyone. She constantly monitors my behavior in group settings, telling me not to laugh loud or act silly to avoid judgment. At a recent festival, our mutual friend Anna had a minor bad trip from an edible, but everyone was supportive and calm. My best friend, however, was furious and spent the night apologizing to everyone on Anna's behalf. She grabbed people's arms and begged them not to think we were "those kinds of people." She later told me she was terrified we would lose future invitations because of Anna's actions.
Has anyone successfully helped a friend let go of their high-school mindset in their mid-30s?

She is not 100% malicious, but any small favor comes with a strict compensation clause. I asked to leave an hour early for a trip; she said yes, but only if I stayed until 5 PM on the preceding days to make up the time, despite me finishing my tasks well before then. The frustrating part is she holds all the power to enforce this rigidly, and it is clearly driven by a deep need for control rather than actual productivity. It feels less like fairness and more like asserting dominance over my schedule.

Since she technically grants the favor, I do not want to sound entitled, but the micromanagement is exhausting. How do you push back against a manager who uses time like leverage just to keep the upper hand?

Best trick if you have overlapping meetings and need to leave a Teams meeting: just enable your Wi-Fi and it will look like you have connection issues. Then, a few minutes later, you come back.

For over five years I worked only 20 real hours out of 40 and no one ever noticed.
I kept working during team meetings instead of listening, never took extra tasks and openly said when I was overloaded.
My manager never confronted me about any of that.
The only time I got in trouble was after I refused to present a project during an optional lunch activity, saying it was pointless and no one would come.
So here is my warning: fake being into corporate culture.
That one small refusal got me reprimanded, while years of doing half my work went completely unnoticed.

For over five years I worked only 20 real hours out of 40 and no one ever noticed.
I kept working during team meetings instead of listening, never took extra tasks and openly said when I was overloaded.
My manager never confronted me about any of that.
The only time I got in trouble was after I refused to present a project during an optional lunch activity, saying it was pointless and no one would come.
So here is my warning: fake being into corporate culture.
That one small refusal got me reprimanded, while years of doing half my work went completely unnoticed.