u/Which-Cry6156

I (31F) have been with my twin flame (33F) for about 5 years. We started as acquaintances, then friends a year later, then lovers a year after that. The second I laid eyes on her I felt a connection I’ve never felt before. I had a feeling she was my tf, and I went to a spiritual advisor a few months back and she confirmed it. It was a little scary how on point she was tbh.

I have been hurt DEEPLY. I didn’t realize she was an alcoholic until we were about a year in. That has brought MANY ups and downs. She has definitely stopped drinking as much, but some of the other things haven’t changed.

She is selfish. She lies to me. Her words do not match her actions at ALL. I do not trust her because of this. She has walls up that she says will come down if I do abc. So I do abc and it still doesn’t happen. She says ok well I actually need xyz. I do xyz, but still, she holds back. I even proposed to her to show her how much I wanted her, but then she said she wouldn’t give her whole self until she was married because then she would know it was real… that’s not how I want my relationship to be. I have been called names. I have been gaslit. I have been manipulated by millions of sorrys for the same behavior. She left me and my child two states away because she was being mean and I realized she was drunk and confronted her about it, so she left. I hold my loved ones accountable and she gets defensive, manipulative, and mean. Shortly after, she apologizes. But the damage is already done.

I ended things (again) a few nights ago. My heart HURTS. Sometimes I don’t know why I love her, because all she does is hurt me. The sex is great and when we are having fun, we have so much fun together. But there’s always something. I’m not allowed to hang out with other people. Not allowed to meet new friends. Not allowed to go out without her. If I do, she blows me up asking what I’m doing. Makes me feel bad for seeing family if she’s off work and I could be spending time with her instead. Gets upset when my daughter is with me because she doesn’t get as much alone time with me.

Spiritual advisor reached out after I ended things and said there was a lot of energy circling us and that it’s not over between us. I think the soul tie has me in a bind, but I want to know- when is enough, enough? When the “hard times” actually become manipulation, emotional abuse, and control, is it right to leave? Did I make the right decision? I can’t take any more disappointment and disrespect. I have become a shell of a person and maybe it’s supposed to teach me to stand up for myself but DAMN why do I still love her so much??

My sisters and I dealt with what could be described as a form of sexual abuse growing up and I want to take it to court so that my abuser and his wife who defended him are not able to be around my daughter. My ex husband is letting her spend days at a time with my abusers wife and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing the woman who didn’t protect me growing up is caring for my child.

I don’t want either of them to be allowed near my daughter or to be able to contact her. I don’t care about suing for money. I just want to peace of mind to know that my daughter is in safe hands.

I know I’m not the only one who has been told “I can change that,” “you haven’t met the right man,” “you have a child so you can’t be THAT gay,” “you’re too pretty to be gay,” the list goes on and on.

Normally, when a man has said something like that, I give a fake half assed laugh and walk away. I am slowly getting more comfortable defending myself to strangers and I’m proud of myself for my reaction in this interaction.

I was at the bar when a man told me after finding out I was a lesbian that “he could change that.” I said “no, actually you can’t” and walked away. I know it’s not anything crazy but it felt like a mic drop moment in my life. Who knows what I’ll say next time! lol

When men (or any individual really) say any of these things to you, what is your clap back? I wanna expand my verbal defense arsenal😬