u/WhyAmIWriting

I’m in my early 40’s(M). My boyfriend (late 30’s) and I were at an ice cream shop the other night and when we got in I asked if he wanted to go first, he said no. Two different shop people spoke to me, one a woman in her 20’s, another in his 20’s. When the woman asked, I wasn’t ready yet. When the guy asked I still wasn’t ready, but I asked him “what are 2-3 flavors that you like here?” He gave me some suggestions, I picked one of his suggestions and another that I was eyeing. My boyfriend then picked his ice cream. I paid for both and we sat outside and ate the ice cream.

While eating the ice cream I remembered a story about my dad who passed away years ago. My dad grew up in a location and time where he wasn’t allowed to buy vanilla ice cream, because- racism. While I was telling this story to my boyfriend he looked like he was somewhere else. My boyfriend is not a white person, but we are from different racial backgrounds. He usually doesn’t shy away from hard stories about race/racism. And certainly not about grief. I felt kind of alone in my sharing and just tried finishing my ice cream. He finished before me and said he’d wait in the car.

We get in the car and I am asking questions about how he’s doing. It comes out that he thinks the guy at the ice cream shop was flirting with me and I disrespected him by not shutting it down. I’m floored because a simple interaction about ice cream (this young person hadn’t complimented me, I didn’t complement him, we don’t know each other’s names, we didn’t share any personal information, etc- just talked about the ice cream) was turned into a flirtatious moment by my boyfriend. My boyfriend thinks I’m delusional for thinking this 20-something couldn’t be flirting with me. His level of insecurity is freaking me out and it is making me want to break up with him. AIO?

I’m in my early 40’s(M). My boyfriend (late 30’s) and I were at an ice cream shop the other night and when we got in I asked if he wanted to go first, he said no. Two different shop people spoke to me, one a woman in her 20’s, another in his 20’s. When the woman asked, I wasn’t ready yet. When the guy asked I still wasn’t ready, but I asked him “what are 2-3 flavors that you like here?” He gave me some suggestions, I picked one of his suggestions and another that I was eyeing. My boyfriend then picked his ice cream. I paid for both and we sat outside and ate the ice cream.

While eating the ice cream I remembered a story about my dad who passed away years ago. My dad grew up in a location and time where he wasn’t allowed to buy vanilla ice cream, because- racism. While I was telling this story to my boyfriend he looked like he was somewhere else. My boyfriend is not a white person, but we are from different racial backgrounds. He usually doesn’t shy away from hard stories about race/racism. And certainly not about grief. I felt kind of alone in my sharing and just tried finishing my ice cream. He finished before me and said he’d wait in the car.

We get in the car and I am asking questions about how he’s doing. It comes out that he thinks the guy at the ice cream shop was flirting with me and I disrespected him by not shutting it down. I’m floored because a simple interaction about ice cream (this young person hadn’t complimented me, I didn’t complement him, we don’t know each other’s names, we didn’t share any personal information, etc- just talked about the ice cream) was turned into a flirtatious moment by my boyfriend. My boyfriend thinks I’m delusional for thinking this 20-something couldn’t be flirting with me. His level of insecurity is freaking me out and it is making me want to break up with him. AIO?

I have been writing grants for about 15 years. I have never gotten as many rejections as I have this year. Are other people experiencing this? How many grants do you expect to write for a project before you get one accepted in 2026? Have your success rates gone down this year too, or am I falling behind the times?

My boyfriend and I will text back and forth a few times a day. We also leave voice memos multiple times a day. A normal routine for us may be texting a couple times in the afternoon, and a few more times in the evening. He has a few disabilities, and recently injured himself. As a result, I have been going over to his place a few times a week to handle some tasks that he himself cannot do, or would be extremely painful for him to do. That looks like taking out the trash down a few flights stairs, grabbing and doing his laundry, bringing over tools that might make his life a little easier, bringing over some dinner on nights I am there. We have been talking the last couple weeks about his injury as he waits for some tests. I am going with him tomorrow to a fairly big appointment which will hopefully confirm next steps. He is very anxious about his ongoing loss of mobility, which I think fairly is a scary time for him.

This last week was my birthday and yesterday the place I work at wanted to do something for me. The organization is based online, so it was a virtual event. It was really fun, and there were a few moments during the party that I messaged him back and forth, sometimes 30 min-1hr between messages. At one point he messages me to tell me that through his research of his injury that he thinks he needs surgery. This is a possibility we have been talking about back and forth for a couple weeks, and again he has an appointment I am going with him to tomorrow, to get clarity on if that is the case. I saw the message from him, and "sad reacted" to it. I was in the midst of the gathering, and was planning to see him tomorrow, and there wasn't an ask in the text to me that seemed urgent. I did not realize that he was feeling urgent about it in the moment as I am also supposed to see him today to do some household tasks around his spot and will have face time with him. At the 3 hour mark of me having only reacted to his message and not leaving an actual text or voice response he tells me not to come over after all and he can't believe I left him on read. I know he is in a tender moment as he is realizing his body is changing from his disabilities, but his current injury is not permanent and if it does need surgery will be healed in a few months. It was not new information that he might need surgery, and I was planning on seeing him the next day. I also had not considered that reacting to a message was leaving him on read.

Any advice or insight you all can give? What should have happened differently?