u/Whyistheskygray

DH texted his mom after lunch (and lots more crying) about how hurtful it was to hear that everyone had fun plans over my birthday weekend (they're going to a bluegrass festival that they volunteer at every year) and we hadn't even heard that the festival was happening.

MIL deflected at first, saying she was sorry about my birthday but she doesn't control what weekend the festival is on. She asked if I wanted to celebrate my birthday at a different time. DH stood his ground and told her it's not about the fact it's on my birthday, it's about the fact they've obviously been planning this for months and no one bothered to ask if we wanted to go (despite the fact we were invited every year when we lived in NYC and couldn't go).

DH pointed out that it's part of a larger trend where I put work into planning holidays and get togethers, but every time we turn around we hear that they're going on a raft trip or a hut trip or a camping trip, etc. that we aren't invited on. All the stuff we moved out here to be able to do with them and which we have done almost none of (with them) since we moved here.

MIL's response was that if we want to do stuff like that we should get permits and plan it ourselves, and it's not her fault or her problem. So we're basically back at square one - if we want to do things with his family we have to take the initiative and plan it.

SO and I got lunch with MIL today. Over the course of the conversation she asks me about what I'm planning for my birthday, which is a Friday in June this year.

Me: Probably nothing. I really only celebrate every three years, and last year for my 30th I had my bachelorette and moved across the country to live here (SO's home town).

Her: Oh good. BIL and I are meeting with a dog trainer, then SIL and I are going to (nearby town) for the weekend.

Y'all. Since my wedding I've helped plan (or just straight out planned) every birthday and holiday with his family (which has been every holiday but Christmas, which we spent with my family). I fully planned Mother's Day: made the reservation at the restaurant she wanted to go to and made sure we were near the live music, bought the flowers and the chocolates and the card both her sons signed. I handed BIL the flowers to give to her so he would feel included and not show up empty handed. Her response "Oh the vase is beautiful. Does that belong to SIL?"

My SIL has been in Spain for a month. When we started the planning process her response was literally "I don't care. I'll be out of the country."

I had to go cry in the bathroom after MIL literally said they had scheduled over my birthday, and she was just appreciative that I wasn't doing anything to get in the way of their plans. I don't know if I'm just throwing a fit, but when we got home I told my husband I won't be planning another family holiday for them. I feel guilty, because my FIL is great, and with father's day coming up I don't want him to feel slighted.

My husband and I just went from a 1 bathroom apartment to a 3 bathroom house. We've lived in 1 bathroom setups for 15 years. Are we supposed to get toilet cleaner/toilet wand for all of the bathrooms? Is a cleaning caddy the better solution (and if so, what style of toilet wand keeps it from getting gross?)