Is there a place GCN posts the soundtracks they use during gameplay? Especially the Shadowdark campaign because when things get creepy or tense they always have THE BEST music playing and Id love to use some of GCN's music during my own games.
I'm so sorry for the wall of text but this requires a lot of context to make this all make sense.
Before I dive into this, I want to give a little context. I’m 29, and I’ll be 30 in December. My dad is around 56. I currently live with him because of a long story involving me losing my house. Around 2020, my dad and his ex-wife bought a new house, and I moved into their old one to rent it. While I was living there, I would send them rent money that was supposed to go toward the mortgage.
Eventually, they got divorced after years of constant arguing, his drinking never really slowing down, and their relationship becoming completely toxic. I don’t want to paint my dad as the only problem, because they both just weren’t good for each other. There was cheating on both sides, a lot of fighting, and things were bad in general without getting too deep into it.
Toward the end of it, his ex-wife left the state and basically let the house foreclose while I was still living there.
So, with nowhere else to go, I ended up having to move in with my dad around 2022. I’ve been in a bad spot for the past four years or so, and I know part of that is on me. I’m not trying to avoid responsibility for my own situation.
My dad has been a drinker for as long as I can remember. He had a rough childhood, and while that doesn’t excuse everything, I do understand that he picked up drinking as some kind of coping mechanism. The problem is that he doesn’t drink recreationally. He drinks to get drunk.
From what he's told me, his dad wasn’t in his life. When my dad tried to reach out to him later when he got older, his dad told him he wanted nothing to do with him and took that to the grave. I also believe my dad told me a very long time ago he had been molested by a childhood neighbor when he was younger, though I’m not completely sure on the details. His brother also told him that he had been molested by their babysitter (which could have been the same neighbor) when they were kids.
I’m mentioning this because I know he has been through a lot. I’m not trying to make him sound completely unredeemable. But his drinking has affected everyone around him (including myself) for years.
When he drinks, he either gets completely trashed, or he reaches this annoying, emotional stage of drunk where he sulks on the couch, blasts music until all hours of the night, and talks to random women. He’s around 56 now, still sleeping around with whoever, still drinking the same way, and still not slowing down in any real sense. I don’t just mean drinking less. I mean his life has not changed. This is the point where most people usually start settling down, but he hasn’t.
These are just examples of things I’ve seen him do while drunk throughout my life. I’ve seen it as a child, as a teenager, and now as an adult.
I’ve seen him try to jump out of moving cars because he was arguing with his wife. I’ve seen him punch holes in walls, throw things across the room, punch himself, and break things.
I’m also pretty sure he hit his ex-wife once, though I didn’t personally see it happen. I heard it. From what I remember, it happened after his brother told him what had happened to him when they were kids. My dad was spiraling, and his ex-wife was apparently telling him he was being pathetic, or something along those lines. I remember hearing the sound of her being hit, hearing her cry, and hearing him sound extremely angry.
He has also shown up to my house unannounced while drunk. One time, he got drunk at a bar downtown, walked to my house completely sloshed, and asked to come inside to use my bathroom.
(If I haven’t made it clear yet, being around him when he’s drunk gives me an intense emotional reaction. I don’t want to be dramatic and call it PTSD, but it genuinely feels awful. I hate being around him when he's been drinking, its like the childhood me deep inside me recoils its hard to explain.)
So I told him no, and that he was waiting outside until his wife came to pick him up. He then said he would just go piss on the side of my house. I had to call his wife to come get him, and when she arrived, I ended up screaming at him while he was sitting in the car because I was so angry and embarrassed. After that, he couldn’t even look at me when they left.
There were also times when his ex-wife called me, begging me to come over and get him to stop acting insane because he had been drinking so much.
So, this should set the scene for now the most recent 2ish years of my life living with him.
So with all of that background context, I can get to the more recent stuff.
Not even two years ago, I had to call an ambulance for him and get him admitted to the hospital because he was out drinking, fell, and hit his head. I found out because I came downstairs and saw some random woman I had never seen before bringing him home and telling me what happened. At that point, I was beyond fed up, so I called an ambulance.
He was so drunk he had no idea what was going on. He didn’t even realize the ambulance and police outside were there for him.
That same night, he called me around 3 a.m. bawling his eyes out because he didn’t know where he was. After he sobered up, he told me he was going to rehab. He did go, and he stopped drinking for a little while, but eventually he started again and tried to hide it from me.
That was the last major event, but since then, I’ve snapped on him quite a few times. I’ve called him a hypocrite and a liar, and I’ve basically told him that his promises and apologies mean nothing because he never actually changes.
Hes gotten worse with his drinking with the passing of his mom and his step dad (my memaw and my pappap, yes ill still call them that until the day I die).
On top of the drinking itself, his dating life has become another thing that makes it hard for me to respect him. From what I’ve seen, age does not really seem to matter to him, and as his oldest son, it grosses me out.
The worst example of this was in 2023. My best friend passed away in 2019, just before COVID. He had a long battle with leukemia, and long story short, pneumonia got to him and he passed away. Just before he died, he was dating a girl, and she was the one who told me that he had passed.
Fast forward to 2023, and my dad was sleeping with that same girl. He even had her move into the house with us and saw no problem with it.
I still do not know how to fully explain how much that disgusted me. It was not just awkward or uncomfortable. It felt deeply wrong. This was someone tied directly to one of the worst losses of my life, and my dad treated it like it was nothing. He didn’t seem to understand, or maybe just didn’t care, how disturbing that was for me as his son.
She was also younger than me, which made it even harder to stomach. The whole thing made me feel sick, embarrassed, angry, and genuinely disgusted with him in a way I still have not gotten over.
I have never forgiven him for that. I still haven’t. It changed the way I looked at him, and I don’t think that part of me ever really went back to normal. Eventually, she told me he was the most immature person she had ever met, and she left him too.
After that, he had one girlfriend in the past three years that I actually liked. She seemed good for him, was very nice to me, and was actually around his age. She ended up going back to her ex-husband and leaving him. I don’t know why, but I can assume his drinking had something to do with it.
Now, recently, he has been messing around with a new woman, and it seems like he has been drinking a lot with her. She also seems to be around my age, which grosses me out too.
I’ve told some of the women he’s dated in the past to please not encourage him to drink, but he never stays with them long enough for it to matter.
So I guess this is where I’m at now.
I’m almost 30, and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life watching my dad destroy himself and embarrass himself.
I’ve tried yelling. I’ve tried being blunt. I’ve tried telling him his drinking is ruining his life and damaging his relationships. I’ve tried telling the women he dates not to encourage it. I’ve watched him promise to stop, go to rehab, stay sober for a while, and then slowly start drinking again while trying to hide it from me.
At this point, I don’t know if there is anything I can actually say as his son that would make a difference. Part of me feels guilty for wanting to just emotionally detach and wipe my hands of it, but another part of me feels like I have already spent most of my life being dragged through his drinking problem.
So what do I do here? Is there any realistic chance that I can get through to him, or do I need to accept that he is not going to change unless he decides to change on his own? Am I wrong for wanting to stop caring?
I'm so sorry for the wall of text but this requires a lot of context to make this all make sense.
Before I dive into this, I want to give a little context. I’m 29, and I’ll be 30 in December. My dad is around 56. I currently live with him because of a long story involving me losing my house. Around 2020, my dad and his ex-wife bought a new house, and I moved into their old one to rent it. While I was living there, I would send them rent money that was supposed to go toward the mortgage.
Eventually, they got divorced after years of constant arguing, his drinking never really slowing down, and their relationship becoming completely toxic. I don’t want to paint my dad as the only problem, because they both just weren’t good for each other. There was cheating on both sides, a lot of fighting, and things were bad in general without getting too deep into it.
Toward the end of it, his ex-wife left the state and basically let the house foreclose while I was still living there.
So, with nowhere else to go, I ended up having to move in with my dad around 2022. I’ve been in a bad spot for the past four years or so, and I know part of that is on me. I’m not trying to avoid responsibility for my own situation.
My dad has been a drinker for as long as I can remember. He had a rough childhood, and while that doesn’t excuse everything, I do understand that he picked up drinking as some kind of coping mechanism. The problem is that he doesn’t drink recreationally. He drinks to get drunk.
From what he's told me, his dad wasn’t in his life. When my dad tried to reach out to him later when he got older, his dad told him he wanted nothing to do with him and took that to the grave. I also believe my dad told me a very long time ago he had been molested by a childhood neighbor when he was younger, though I’m not completely sure on the details. His brother also told him that he had been molested by their babysitter (which could have been the same neighbor) when they were kids.
I’m mentioning this because I know he has been through a lot. I’m not trying to make him sound completely unredeemable. But his drinking has affected everyone around him (including myself) for years.
When he drinks, he either gets completely trashed, or he reaches this annoying, emotional stage of drunk where he sulks on the couch, blasts music until all hours of the night, and talks to random women. He’s around 56 now, still sleeping around with whoever, still drinking the same way, and still not slowing down in any real sense. I don’t just mean drinking less. I mean his life has not changed. This is the point where most people usually start settling down, but he hasn’t.
These are just examples of things I’ve seen him do while drunk throughout my life. I’ve seen it as a child, as a teenager, and now as an adult.
I’ve seen him try to jump out of moving cars because he was arguing with his wife. I’ve seen him punch holes in walls, throw things across the room, punch himself, and break things.
I’m also pretty sure he hit his ex-wife once, though I didn’t personally see it happen. I heard it. From what I remember, it happened after his brother told him what had happened to him when they were kids. My dad was spiraling, and his ex-wife was apparently telling him he was being pathetic, or something along those lines. I remember hearing the sound of her being hit, hearing her cry, and hearing him sound extremely angry.
He has also shown up to my house unannounced while drunk. One time, he got drunk at a bar downtown, walked to my house completely sloshed, and asked to come inside to use my bathroom.
(If I haven’t made it clear yet, being around him when he’s drunk gives me an intense emotional reaction. I don’t want to be dramatic and call it PTSD, but it genuinely feels awful. I hate being around him when he's been drinking, its like the childhood me deep inside me recoils its hard to explain.)
So I told him no, and that he was waiting outside until his wife came to pick him up. He then said he would just go piss on the side of my house. I had to call his wife to come get him, and when she arrived, I ended up screaming at him while he was sitting in the car because I was so angry and embarrassed. After that, he couldn’t even look at me when they left.
There were also times when his ex-wife called me, begging me to come over and get him to stop acting insane because he had been drinking so much.
So, this should set the scene for now the most recent 2ish years of my life living with him.
So with all of that background context, I can get to the more recent stuff.
Not even two years ago, I had to call an ambulance for him and get him admitted to the hospital because he was out drinking, fell, and hit his head. I found out because I came downstairs and saw some random woman I had never seen before bringing him home and telling me what happened. At that point, I was beyond fed up, so I called an ambulance.
He was so drunk he had no idea what was going on. He didn’t even realize the ambulance and police outside were there for him.
That same night, he called me around 3 a.m. bawling his eyes out because he didn’t know where he was. After he sobered up, he told me he was going to rehab. He did go, and he stopped drinking for a little while, but eventually he started again and tried to hide it from me.
That was the last major event, but since then, I’ve snapped on him quite a few times. I’ve called him a hypocrite and a liar, and I’ve basically told him that his promises and apologies mean nothing because he never actually changes.
Hes gotten worse with his drinking with the passing of his mom and his step dad (my memaw and my pappap, yes ill still call them that until the day I die).
On top of the drinking itself, his dating life has become another thing that makes it hard for me to respect him. From what I’ve seen, age does not really seem to matter to him, and as his oldest son, it grosses me out.
The worst example of this was in 2023. My best friend passed away in 2019, just before COVID. He had a long battle with leukemia, and long story short, pneumonia got to him and he passed away. Just before he died, he was dating a girl, and she was the one who told me that he had passed.
Fast forward to 2023, and my dad was sleeping with that same girl. He even had her move into the house with us and saw no problem with it.
I still do not know how to fully explain how much that disgusted me. It was not just awkward or uncomfortable. It felt deeply wrong. This was someone tied directly to one of the worst losses of my life, and my dad treated it like it was nothing. He didn’t seem to understand, or maybe just didn’t care, how disturbing that was for me as his son.
She was also younger than me, which made it even harder to stomach. The whole thing made me feel sick, embarrassed, angry, and genuinely disgusted with him in a way I still have not gotten over.
I have never forgiven him for that. I still haven’t. It changed the way I looked at him, and I don’t think that part of me ever really went back to normal. Eventually, she told me he was the most immature person she had ever met, and she left him too.
After that, he had one girlfriend in the past three years that I actually liked. She seemed good for him, was very nice to me, and was actually around his age. She ended up going back to her ex-husband and leaving him. I don’t know why, but I can assume his drinking had something to do with it.
Now, recently, he has been messing around with a new woman, and it seems like he has been drinking a lot with her. She also seems to be around my age, which grosses me out too.
I’ve told some of the women he’s dated in the past to please not encourage him to drink, but he never stays with them long enough for it to matter.
So I guess this is where I’m at now.
I’m almost 30, and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life watching my dad destroy himself and embarrass himself.
I’ve tried yelling. I’ve tried being blunt. I’ve tried telling him his drinking is ruining his life and damaging his relationships. I’ve tried telling the women he dates not to encourage it. I’ve watched him promise to stop, go to rehab, stay sober for a while, and then slowly start drinking again while trying to hide it from me.
At this point, I don’t know if there is anything I can actually say as his son that would make a difference. Part of me feels guilty for wanting to just emotionally detach and wipe my hands of it, but another part of me feels like I have already spent most of my life being dragged through his drinking problem.
So what do I do here? Is there any realistic chance that I can get through to him, or do I need to accept that he is not going to change unless he decides to change on his own? Am I wrong for wanting to stop caring?
I'm so sorry for the wall of text but this requires a lot of context to make this all make sense.
Before I dive into this, I want to give a little context. I’m 29, and I’ll be 30 in December. My dad is around 56. I currently live with him because of a long story involving me losing my house. Around 2020, my dad and his ex-wife bought a new house, and I moved into their old one to rent it. While I was living there, I would send them rent money that was supposed to go toward the mortgage.
Eventually, they got divorced after years of constant arguing, his drinking never really slowing down, and their relationship becoming completely toxic. I don’t want to paint my dad as the only problem, because they both just weren’t good for each other. There was cheating on both sides, a lot of fighting, and things were bad in general without getting too deep into it.
Toward the end of it, his ex-wife left the state and basically let the house foreclose while I was still living there.
So, with nowhere else to go, I ended up having to move in with my dad around 2022. I’ve been in a bad spot for the past four years or so, and I know part of that is on me. I’m not trying to avoid responsibility for my own situation.
My dad has been a drinker for as long as I can remember. He had a rough childhood, and while that doesn’t excuse everything, I do understand that he picked up drinking as some kind of coping mechanism. The problem is that he doesn’t drink recreationally. He drinks to get drunk.
From what he's told me, his dad wasn’t in his life. When my dad tried to reach out to him later when he got older, his dad told him he wanted nothing to do with him and took that to the grave. I also believe my dad told me a very long time ago he had been molested by a childhood neighbor when he was younger, though I’m not completely sure on the details. His brother also told him that he had been molested by their babysitter (which could have been the same neighbor) when they were kids.
I’m mentioning this because I know he has been through a lot. I’m not trying to make him sound completely unredeemable. But his drinking has affected everyone around him (including myself) for years.
When he drinks, he either gets completely trashed, or he reaches this annoying, emotional stage of drunk where he sulks on the couch, blasts music until all hours of the night, and talks to random women. He’s around 56 now, still sleeping around with whoever, still drinking the same way, and still not slowing down in any real sense. I don’t just mean drinking less. I mean his life has not changed. This is the point where most people usually start settling down, but he hasn’t.
These are just examples of things I’ve seen him do while drunk throughout my life. I’ve seen it as a child, as a teenager, and now as an adult.
I’ve seen him try to jump out of moving cars because he was arguing with his wife. I’ve seen him punch holes in walls, throw things across the room, punch himself, and break things.
I’m also pretty sure he hit his ex-wife once, though I didn’t personally see it happen. I heard it. From what I remember, it happened after his brother told him what had happened to him when they were kids. My dad was spiraling, and his ex-wife was apparently telling him he was being pathetic, or something along those lines. I remember hearing the sound of her being hit, hearing her cry, and hearing him sound extremely angry.
He has also shown up to my house unannounced while drunk. One time, he got drunk at a bar downtown, walked to my house completely sloshed, and asked to come inside to use my bathroom.
(If I haven’t made it clear yet, being around him when he’s drunk gives me an intense emotional reaction. I don’t want to be dramatic and call it PTSD, but it genuinely feels awful. I hate being around him when he's been drinking, its like the childhood me deep inside me recoils its hard to explain.)
So I told him no, and that he was waiting outside until his wife came to pick him up. He then said he would just go piss on the side of my house. I had to call his wife to come get him, and when she arrived, I ended up screaming at him while he was sitting in the car because I was so angry and embarrassed. After that, he couldn’t even look at me when they left.
There were also times when his ex-wife called me, begging me to come over and get him to stop acting insane because he had been drinking so much.
So, this should set the scene for now the most recent 2ish years of my life living with him.
So with all of that background context, I can get to the more recent stuff.
Not even two years ago, I had to call an ambulance for him and get him admitted to the hospital because he was out drinking, fell, and hit his head. I found out because I came downstairs and saw some random woman I had never seen before bringing him home and telling me what happened. At that point, I was beyond fed up, so I called an ambulance.
He was so drunk he had no idea what was going on. He didn’t even realize the ambulance and police outside were there for him.
That same night, he called me around 3 a.m. bawling his eyes out because he didn’t know where he was. After he sobered up, he told me he was going to rehab. He did go, and he stopped drinking for a little while, but eventually he started again and tried to hide it from me.
That was the last major event, but since then, I’ve snapped on him quite a few times. I’ve called him a hypocrite and a liar, and I’ve basically told him that his promises and apologies mean nothing because he never actually changes.
Hes gotten worse with his drinking with the passing of his mom and his step dad (my memaw and my pappap, yes ill still call them that until the day I die).
On top of the drinking itself, his dating life has become another thing that makes it hard for me to respect him. From what I’ve seen, age does not really seem to matter to him, and as his oldest son, it grosses me out.
The worst example of this was in 2023. My best friend passed away in 2019, just before COVID. He had a long battle with leukemia, and long story short, pneumonia got to him and he passed away. Just before he died, he was dating a girl, and she was the one who told me that he had passed.
Fast forward to 2023, and my dad was sleeping with that same girl. He even had her move into the house with us and saw no problem with it.
I still do not know how to fully explain how much that disgusted me. It was not just awkward or uncomfortable. It felt deeply wrong. This was someone tied directly to one of the worst losses of my life, and my dad treated it like it was nothing. He didn’t seem to understand, or maybe just didn’t care, how disturbing that was for me as his son.
She was also younger than me, which made it even harder to stomach. The whole thing made me feel sick, embarrassed, angry, and genuinely disgusted with him in a way I still have not gotten over.
I have never forgiven him for that. I still haven’t. It changed the way I looked at him, and I don’t think that part of me ever really went back to normal. Eventually, she told me he was the most immature person she had ever met, and she left him too.
After that, he had one girlfriend in the past three years that I actually liked. She seemed good for him, was very nice to me, and was actually around his age. She ended up going back to her ex-husband and leaving him. I don’t know why, but I can assume his drinking had something to do with it.
Now, recently, he has been messing around with a new woman, and it seems like he has been drinking a lot with her. She also seems to be around my age, which grosses me out too.
I’ve told some of the women he’s dated in the past to please not encourage him to drink, but he never stays with them long enough for it to matter.
So I guess this is where I’m at now.
I’m almost 30, and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life watching my dad destroy himself and embarrass himself.
I’ve tried yelling. I’ve tried being blunt. I’ve tried telling him his drinking is ruining his life and damaging his relationships. I’ve tried telling the women he dates not to encourage it. I’ve watched him promise to stop, go to rehab, stay sober for a while, and then slowly start drinking again while trying to hide it from me.
At this point, I don’t know if there is anything I can actually say as his son that would make a difference. Part of me feels guilty for wanting to just emotionally detach and wipe my hands of it, but another part of me feels like I have already spent most of my life being dragged through his drinking problem.
So what do I do here? Is there any realistic chance that I can get through to him, or do I need to accept that he is not going to change unless he decides to change on his own? Am I wrong for wanting to stop caring?