u/Willing_Review_3751

I’ve worked at a non-profit for the last two years. Recently we brought back an old employee who left before I started. I was asking about her move and she had told me how her kids (white, as am I) were at a largely black school. She said her oldest didn’t fit in at school because she was a “rich white girl” and at church the girls were calling her a “n* lover”

But she didn’t say n word… that R was so hard I almost fell over. I was in between meetings, and didn’t have time for the conversation at that point but I really have no choice but to address it, especially since I am teaching the DEI portion of her new employee training in a few weeks.

I’ve had a lot of difficult conversations, but haven’t had to with someone in a leadership role and certainly not had to teach them on the subject directly after. Send all the tips and advice!

AITA. 39f. My parents got divorced about 15 years ago. Long story short, my mom cut contact with me because I wouldn’t cut contact with my father. (He cheated and that is not ok, but it wasn’t an abuse situation where she was worried about safety, etc.)

Immediately after, my dad moved out of state (without telling me or my brother) and got married to the woman who he cheated with. After lots of talking, honesty and therapy, I allowed his new wife to be a part of my family, including my child who is just now 6. The second wife, caught him cheating emotionally, and left him. (Good for her.)

I left her in my life because she had become Nana. I would text and send her pictures and keep her updated.

She, 2nd wife, then decided to reach out to my mom not only to shit talk my dad (totally fine), but to tell her she thought I needed my mom in my life. To which I received an email from my mom saying ,”I’m happier without you in my life but I guess if you really need me you can email me.” I had never talked to his second wife about my mom nor ask her to reach out on my behalf or was even told about it. For obvious reasons, in spite of a lot of therapy, this was pretty triggering. I ended up having to cut contact with his 2nd wife. Which killed me to do because my kiddo loved her but I felt like I had to.

My dad started almost immediately dating again. I knew he was having a hard time being single for the first time in 40 years so I tried to be quiet about it. I did suggest several times that he try to hold off on dating until he had worked through some of his issues. He didn’t listen which didn’t shock me. However it became clear that him talking about women to me was triggering.

I ended up setting a boundary with my dad that I didn’t want to talk about his dating life or women. I also had let him know that I unfortunately don’t see a future where I could let another partner of his in my life or my kiddo and partner’s life. This seemed to devastate him. I love my dad but he has never been great at prioritizing his kids and I’m sure that’s part of the feelings it’s brought up.

Am I the asshole for putting up that boundary with my dad/not talking to his ex wife?