u/Winter_Aside9745

My bf was not like this at first but I’ve come to know it is unfortunately his default space to be “perma stressed”. That shows up differently for everyone.

For me: it’s a few curse words and 3 minute passionate rant, then pushing my glasses up and getting shit done. Followed by, “it’s not you honey.” Like I can be lovely dovey while still enraged/stressed/upset.

For him: he kinda just becomes hypersensitive, critical, and easily annoyed.

Some examples: we are laying in bed and I ask if I can show him the tiktoks I sent him. He says “oh yeah sure”. One of the videos is a little longer and I worry will it bother him, what if it doesn’t hold his attention? Does he seem like he’s in a mindset where this will be well received? 10 seconds into the video and he picks up his phone and checks his notifications and starts swiping them away. He asks me a question about plans we have later in the week, groaning. Obviously he’s not watching it so I pause it and decide another time. He then asks why I paused it, he explains that he can gets the gist of what it’s about and I don’t need to pause it. So I continue playing. Without ANY warning, he gets up frustrated and flips the light on and starts stomping around the house. The sound of our cats playing is “overstimulating him and so much shit is going on”. He comes back to bed and flips over, saying nothing with his eyes shut. I’m like, is he mad at me? So I ask and he’s like “NO. I don’t feel good. I’m tired. My back hurts. I’ve had a long day.” I ask if he wants to cuddle and he will say sure, but it’s like he is “off”.

Another example: we are in the car and I tell him I want to show him a song. I explain its meaning and symbolism and how it pertains to me (I’m very like that). A car cuts him off and he gets frustrated and turns the music off and says “I can’t drive with this garbage playing”. Moments before things were fine.

Let’s say Im feeling a bit hyper when I come home from work. Cheery. Energetic. But he’s had a rough day. Some sort of “do you have to be so loud? It’s giving me a migraine with how fast you speak. I don’t think it’s normal are you ok?”

Let’s say I’m talking passionately about something it could be an idea or rant. He will point out “what you said right there was an oxymoron” and COMPLETELY avoid the point of what I just said.

When he is stressed/annoyed, it seems as though it can transfer to me. Even if I had nothing to do with it. Though, he denies it.

In these situations I feel incredibly shut down and small afterwards. I don’t even want to show him what I had prepared/wanted to do/engage. In fact I’ve found myself reaching for him and his attention less and less. Almost like I’m sort of watering down my outward expression and individualism because it’s “too much” for him to handle. Anytime I show him something I feel like I have to explain myself or preface it and I’m super nervous of judgement.

He is stressed all the time, but it’s not usually like I have caused it or it’s relational stress. Usually it’s things like bills, work, his family, things he has to do, back pain. Whenever I try to offer solutions he usually turns them down or insists they won’t work. He doesn’t really like accepting my help either, which leaves me in an impossible situation. Sometimes it seems like martyrdom. He’s fine when life is going well… the issue is you can’t control that.

I’m truly worried one day we would have a “not right now, you know how your dad gets” type of house.

After a brief conversation with a long distance friend, I have realized one of the things that drains me about socializing. It’s the imbalance that so many of my relationships have had within them.

I have this guy friend^ that I have known since middle school. Growing up we had very similar interests, and played the same games. It was easy to be around him because of this. However, I didn’t realize it then but he had absolutely ZERO interest in anything he wasn’t hyper fixated on.

Naturally I started to avoid talking about anything irrelevant to our shared interests, and only spoke about the ones we had. But this person didn’t do that, in fact they talked at length about niche things I had tried and didn’t like. Not wanting to be a jerk, I would nod and listen and asks questions and try to be polite. But this energy, was never returned.

Now in our 30s our interests have changed quite a bit. I love gardening, cooking, hiking and different music. We have begun to drift a little apart.

We called on discord yesterday with the small window of free-time I had. This call turned into him info dumping about a tv show he liked, and streaming it with pauses to explain all of this symbolism. While I can appreciate how into it he is, I don’t like the show. I’m pretty sure he knows this based on the fact I’ve told him a few times. After hanging up I realized that I barely spoke during that entire conversation. There was no room.

On a whim I linked him a game I thought we should play together and offering to send him a code to play it sometime with me. He would 100% enjoy it, I’m surprised he hadn’t heard of it. He couldn’t even be bothered to watch the 3 minute trailer. All he said was “I’m too busy playing other games”.

I just nodded along and feigned interest in something that my friend is passionate about, because it’s the kind thing to do (and maybe he would change my mind?)… and this person couldn’t spare 3 minutes to watch a short video about something I adore. He couldn’t accept a free game and try playing it with me once or twice and then deciding if he liked it. Maybe an hours worth it of time. And he can talk endlessly without breath and not realize that maybe, the other person wanted to talk about themselves too.

It’s a pattern that has repeated so many times that I now find socializing as a whole to be draining.

Anyone else?

I’ve been 1 of 3 ASMs at my job for the past year. I’m the newest promotion, and yet I am far more capable than my two colleagues. Neither one will “touch” the computer and god forbid I explain paperwork to them they shoe me away and tell me they aren’t learning it. At any other job these two people likely wouldn’t have been promoted, and honestly would have been fired(they each have forgotten to lock the store at night on a handful of occasions, drinking on the job, crashing out on staff).

I was hired with my school schedule PROMISED to me. I literally laid out all my requirements and wants/needs to the store manager and he offered me the job with all schedule accommodations etc.

He quit like 2 months ago and it’s been a shit show since. We’ve been running with a skeleton crew and a DM that likes to take 2 weeks off work every month. I have had to use the /r associated with the company I work for to figure out things like tax forms, cycle counts, submitting payroll, putting in a work orders. Things not even in my job description but I was left with “figure it out or else”. I also received a very, very brief training day for the ASM role to begin with.

I’ve been putting up with it, with the DM telling me it would all be “fixed soon”. While spamming job listing sites and feeling hopeless.

Alas we got a new store manager this week. And by that I mean she is still a full-time SM at another location, and she drops by once a week to do that paperwork I’ve been doing. Because we(I) “handled it rather well and don’t need someone there 40 hours rn”.

Upon meeting this SM she let me know she does not open and she does not work weekends. Never has, never will. She only closes weekdays because she likes to sleep in (my original schedule, because I have school in the morning and babysit Saturday).

Well that’s great but I’ve been clopening for the past 2 months and I’m one dead vape hit away from having a mental break down. I was told as soon as we got a SM I could go back to having Saturday mornings off.

It’s not looking like that is going to happen at any time soon. This SM also warned me she “likes to clean house and has no problem finding a reason to drop an employee who doesn’t fit her vibe”. This was said to me after I SWAPPED shifts with another ASM due to a dental emergency. Not even like I called out.

I have updated my availability twice in the past week and she has denied it every time. The other ASM’s refuse to work Saturdays. I need Saturdays off because it’s when I babysit from 3pm to 9pm. I’ve been doing this for months. Now I’m closing 11pm on fridays, opening the store at 8am Saturday, and barely making it to my second job on time. Sometimes the closing ASM doesn’t get there on time and it’s fucked me over so many times that I’m done risking it.

Do yall think if I threaten to quit they will just laugh, or actually listen and give me that day off? I mean shit even if it’s just every other Saturday off it would be fine.

Ever have a problematic customer? We have one.

He tells people he is homeless and has no money and is starving and hangs out by our store door. A coworker took pity on him last year and began buying him snacks/drinks/giving him money. So this guy has made it a habit to come in multiple times a day asking if this coworker is working. Sometimes 5 times a day. He smokes cigarette buds off the ground and asks everyone who comes in if they have cigarettes/money.

I’ve never had an issue with homeless. But he is not homeless. My coworker spoke enough with him to gather he is perfectly capable of working and lives with his parents who absolutely feed and care for him. My boss even said he would give him a job, if he JUST stopped standing in front on the store door, smoking, and spitting in front of it. He said no.

A few months ago it escalated to where he started knocking on and trying to open to the office door and peering in to see if he was in there. He started wandering behind the registers and messing with them. Wandering in the back room. Knocking on my car window when I’m on my break. Then we realized that when my coworker wasn’t there, he was just filling his pockets and leaving. I don’t even care too much if people steal I’m not like a cop or something, but he just irks TF out of me.

The last straw was me vaping in my car and him knocking and asking for a cigarette. I told him I don’t have them. While my window was rolled up he told me to just let him hit my vape real quick. I almost crashed out.

I told my boss I’m done dealing with this guy and he’s gotta stop. Boss said we could ban him from the store. However my coworker kept taking pity on him and sneaking him in to help him out. So he’s been coming in continually asking the same questions.

I’ve been putting my foot down and telling him he cannot come in anymore. He ignores me and wanders around for a few minutes before getting visibly frustrated and leaving.

Last week I snapped and told him I would call the cops next time I see him in here. He got really upset and kicked over a stack of boxes. I’m ngl, kinda worried as I’m always coming at night and I think I’m on his bad side and he’s gonna like jump me while walking to my car or something.

He then told customers walking in that we had kicked him out because he’s homeless. Omfg. A woman approached me and yelled at me for being rude to this kind man who was clearly struggling. She then went and bought him an entire cart worth of products.

I’m so done .

I’ve been at DT for a year and an ASM for 10 months. When I was promoted to asm (didn’t really want the position) I made an agreement with my boss that I would only take it if he could respect my availability, keep me part time, and clearly define the role.

It didn’t take very long for him to disregard that and play like he never even remembered that conversation. We had a lot of back and forth on my schedule, especially with his last minute demands that I come in ASAP while I was in class. As some sort of retaliation for sticking to my terms (I’m sure) he dropped me down to 5-8 hours per week which I’ve been at for a couple months.

That boss is gone. He mysteriously vanished and all I know is an investigation is happening. I’ve spoken with our DM and discussed the agreements under which I was promoted to asm, and how that hadn’t been implemented in the way my boss promised. DM said they understood and would accommodate it (after I told them I was considering dropping back down to cashier, and searching for another part time job).

I’m currently looking at the schedule and it’s been built out for the next 6 weeks. I am working every single day outside of my availability. 40 hours. Clopening back to back. 5-6 days per week.

I’m assuming throughout our text exchange the only part they felt was important was that 8 hours was not enough. Disregarding 20 hours per week was good. Disregarding my availability.

I’m also a full time student. So I 100% built my schedule around the discussion with my boss. I’ve had it up to here with this company. And to make matters worse the DM is now on 3 weeks of PTO and ignoring all calls and texts. We have no store manager. I can’t miss class. I can’t skip a shift and no other managers are wanting to switch. I can’t afford to just quit the job. I feel like I’m gonna have a breakdown.

I plan to go in to work today and contact whoever is in charge of our store. Maybe ransack the emails and scour the WD site for the regional or HR.

I’ve been at DT for a year, ASM for 10 months.

In my interview I asked to be scheduled part-time mon-Fri mornings, and asked for $16 an hour to be a stocker. My boss enthusiastically promised me all of the above.

L M A O.

I didn’t get $16. After a month of working and asking why I was being paid $15 (he kept saying wait till next paycheck), he admitted he could not honor the $16 an hour. It just would not happen. I almost quit, and then he offered me an ASM position at $18hr, with the same schedule promise if I agreed. I took the offer on a whim, because it’s money and wouldn’t look bad for experience. At this point I was like let’s see if he can even do it.

It didn’t take more than a couple weeks for the “please just close this one shift, please just work this one Saturday” to roll in, until my schedule was completely disregarded. Btw I received zero training throughout this process and had to google how to do pretty much anything.

It took me 3 months to finally get the $18hr, and I’m pretty sure he got in huge trouble for getting me it.

My issues lately are that my schedule has absolutely no stability. I could work clopens. I could work all openings, I could be scheduled 1 day a week. It’s nuts. Lately I’ve been getting three 4 hour shifts a week, smack dab in the middle of my weekend. On top of that my boss treats me like an on-call employee. He’s constantly calling out or going to another store, and the other 2 ASMs have chronic health issues and often call out as well.

There are times I do not want to cover these shifts. If I have 5 days off in a row, sometimes I say fck it and go a trip with my fiance. Just to be called the next morning at 8 for three hour coverage…and be told to get there ASAP or there will be trouble. I just want 3-4 stable shifts a week with OPPORTUNITY to cover if it’s needed.

Past month I’ve gotten 2 days a week and been told to “standby my phone because they will might me last minute”. I do not want this. It’s summer. Either schedule me or don’t call me at this point.

I’ve been searching and found a part time gig that is 2 days per week. I asked my boss if he could just give me these day days off. I’m not even asking for my original availability back at this point. He said there is nothing he can do. He cannot honor it. “Policy states” ASMs are required to have 100% open availability, and are responsible for cover any shifts that need it. I can’t find anything on this to verify it.

I then told him I would like to step down from my position. We hire cashiers at $16 an hour now. They are allowed to have set schedules. AND they get 20 hours per week at my store. Exactly what I wanted to begin with.

He freaked out and then reassured me he would give me whatever schedule I wanted regardless of policy to make it happen. We went back and forth on this for a few days before I reluctantly agreed. My set schedule was set to start this first week of July.

I accepted the other job.

Schedule just came out for that week and I am scheduled on every day that he just promised me off. He said that week is “just really rough everyone requested the fourth weekend off, just tell the new job I can’t that week.” I can smell the excuses going forward.

At this point I’m pissed. I’m going to the DM tomorrow to have a conversation about this and plan to tell them I’m stepping down if my schedule can’t be honored. I’m prepared to hear a mouthful. I’m sure they will tell me I need to give them 2 weeks notice to step down… which now fcks me on the new job the first week of July.

Do I rat my boss out for all the false promises? Everything else? Like the write ups for things he told me himself to do and how I received zero training?

God I hate this place so much.

My situation is a little unique. 4 months ago I rolled my ankle on the job and was out of work for 3 weeks. My boss told me that he put in a workers comp case for me, as at dollar tree it’s the managers duty. ??? Never heard of that but ok. He said there were no phone numbers etc and it was all done thru manager portal.

Come to find out he was completely incorrect and he didn’t file anything until I had been gone for 3 weeks, and all he filed was for FMLA. He didn’t even write an incident report. Which was denied, because dollar tree doesn’t have enough employees for fmla.

After that my manager panicked and applied all of my sick time. I was in limbo for weeks, then abruptly told I would be fired if I didn’t come back asap. Fighting for the workers comp case was difficult, and then my doctor left his practice and it was a mess I gave up on.

This week.

I’m very sick. Idk if it’s the flu or what but I’m on day 3 and barely functioning. I called out yesterday and got a “we really can’t have you doing this. You already have 3 weeks of unexcused absences, and used all your sick pay”. Well yeah, you kinda fucked that for me.

I’m suppose to work again today and he’s pissed off at me for calling out, saying my position is in jeopardy now. He says since I have no sick pay I may get written up for this, and need a doctors note.

DT website says a sick note is needed if absent for 3+ days and using sick time. Which I’m doing neither.

I just want to know what my rights are, if I even have any. He’s begging me to come in today and I already have a fever, on top of us not having AC and it being 95 here today. If I take it slow and underperform at work today I’ll get in as much trouble as I would if I called out. My DM is on our store like a hawk because we are small and under sales. Like she literally watches camera and calls the store to ask why people are leaning on counters while I’m in the back doing stock.