u/Wise_Weather_6205

Some of you may of seen my other posts in here. If not and you need context, you can find them on my profile.

It has been 3 to 4 weeks since Dday. I have been drowning in self-hatred and guilt the entire time. The only conversations I have had with my partner is about the situation. I am so afraid to talk to them. I don't know when I will be brave enough. My partner is worried about how much space I have been taking.

We had planned to move in together a while ago. The lease is signed and I'm currently unpacking on my new apartment. I hate it. Being here reminds me of how little time I have to make a decision.

My partner wants me to decide by the 3rd of they can move in on the 6th. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I will push them away more and that they'll become even more unhappy. They are so forgiving about the situation, but I think its a trauma response. They've seen signs of the infidelity fkr 6 months and said they had time to grieve and process. However, they told me after I confessed that the emotions are coming back.

I think they want to move in as a sense of stability, but they won't get that for as long as I'm scared. I don't want to be scared of the idea of my own partner. My parents say it might help for them to move in so we have physical closeness. I really don't know. I feel like my partner is trying to rug sweep, but I can't stop them.

Every time I express that I don't feel ready, my partner expresses how sad they are about it. In fact, the first time I said something, they said we should break up if I'm not ready. They took it back and said it was just panic, but I can't stop thinking about it. My therapist says it's accidental manipulation from their side. My partner also says that they want to be with me even if I'm spiraling and will try to be patient. They've already shown that they can't with saying we should break up.

Genuinely what do I do? I feel like I'll never be ready to talk to my partner again. I want to. I love them, but I'm so afraid.

Edit: we are currently ldr. Their reasons for moving in is so I don't feel isolated and the reason for me even having a fwb is gone. There is also a family vacation on the 12th they wanted to join us for. I don't know if that's a good idea.

More context: What am I afraid of? Losing them. Losing everything we built together. Taking too much space from them. Taking too long to heal and make a decision. Making things worse by rushing things. How positive (most of the time) they are. Them rushing things and not thinking first. Them not having patience and leaving. Me not knowing how to help myself and my relationship.

I can't stop crying every day from what I did. I'm so trapped in my own self-hatred and guilt that I can't do anything. All of my friends are out of reach because of how close they are to AP. I have no friends anymore. I know it's the consequences of my actions and it's selfish to bedrot, cry, and say woe is me, but I've never been more depressed in my life.

My partner won't outwardly share their emotions much, but I understand why. If I'm this unstable, why would they? They want to support me through this, but I feel like that's the complete opposite of what things should be right now. I'm supposed to be helping them. I'm supposed to be a safe space for them, but how can I be when I feel like ending my life or breaking up with them would be the better option?

I don't know how to better myself. I keep pushing them away because I don't know what to do. I'm scared to talk to them because I know I'll just start venting. I can't keep laying that on them. I'll emotionally exhaust them like I am to myself. I don't feel strong enough for this. I just want things to be better. I'm so afraid.

Edit: I notice a pattern in myself with spiraling. In the morning I cry hard and feel every emotion, then at night I slow down. It's most likely emotional exhaustion. It's weird, but it feels wrong to distract myself from the situation. It feels like I'm ignoring what happened. (Clearly I'm not if I keep spiraling.) I feel bad from distancing myself from my partner, too. They say it worries them when I say I need space or need to back away to think for a while. I sit and listen to their issues. Always. I HATE how tired I feel from thinking about what they say to me. I shouldn't. Their problems are mine now ever since I cheated. My partner is really supportive of me, which feels wrong. Why arent they mad? I don't necessarily want them to be, but it worries me how positive they are about this. The only time I've seen them negative is when I said I might need more time before they move in. They told me we should break up, but took it back as soon as I asked them if we really should. They're confusing, and that makes it harder. I'm not mad at them. I understand their emotions are going to be all over the place right now, but mine are, too.

I posted in here at least once already, but for those who haven't seen my other post, let me explain what happened: I had an emotional/romantical affair with my consensual fwb and best friend. Consensual fwb means my partner and I both agreed that us having fwbs would be ok. I now think this was just to make me happy, even if they had their own fwb. Anyways, surprise surprise I got feelings for my fwb. Instead of backing away like I should have, I got closer. My fwb would talk about how single they were, and my mind said, "well, we're already very close. I think some comfort through flirting would be ok." I was so lost in the fog. Why the hell would it be ok? I eventually enjoyed the flirting back and fell in limerance. I also lied to my partner a few times about having sex without permission. We fixed that through boundaries, but the emotional affair is our focus.

I feel like I can't do anything to fix this. My partner expressed how we're in different parts of the healing process and how they feel like they can't be patient anymore. It's kind of frustrating. If they can't be patient, how can we heal? I lost my friends from distancing myself from my ap and my partner's friends. I'm grieving that and the fact I hurt my partner so heavily. It feels like no matter what I do I will never be trusted or forgiven again.

My partner wanted to move in on the 6th. We planned this months ago when everything was happy and fine. Now I don't feel ready at all, and don't know if I'll ever be. Sometimes I think I should tell them to leave me so I don't waste their time. I can't have normal conversations anymore without freaking out. They won't share their emotions or any questions. We're getting nowhere. We have couple's therapy tomorrow, but it feels like I need it everyday. I can't keep staying in this loop. I can't be a safe space for my partner anymore. My partner fought with me and said if I'm not ready to move in, we aren't going to stay together and work. They've been too ready to move in and can't take it back now in their perspective. I held my hard boundary of "I'm not ready for this right now. I know it's hard to be patient, but rushing both of us will make this worse." They eventually said they can wait and contradicted everything they said. I'm so lost and confused.

I just feel so lost. I know I shouldn't sit here and cry and actually do something, but I just feel like I can't. We're both so young and unmarried. Should I just let them find someone better? They say they love me and don't want to break up, but I think it's just out of fear.

My partner and I decided a while ago to sign a lease to move in together. It was fine until Dday 3 weeks ago. My partner saw signs 6 months ago, but stayed silent.

Last night, my partner came to me saying how they can't be patient and needs to move in with me now after I expressed I don't know if I'm ready. My anxiety about the move comes from the fear of pushing them away and the trigger of them talking to their friends. I have no problem with my partner having friends, but it reminds me that I have none after blocking all of them because they were close to my ap. I also don't want to invade on my partner's friend group.

I feel hopeless because I have no one anymore. My life revolved around my friends, and I don't know if I'll ever feel ready to move in with my partner. My family has been helping a little bit.

The lease is signed. I can't back out of moving, but that doesn't mean my partner has to move here.

I don't even know what healing looks like. How do I talk to my partner without feeling terrified? How do I look at them? They tell me they're in a different place of the healing process than I am, which makes everything so much more confusing.

It's been a few weeks since I've came clean. He saw signs 6 months ago. We're in different parts of recovery and everything feels confusing.

Both of us decided we could have our own fwb with no romantic feelings attached because we were long distance and have busy lives. This was a mistake. My best friend that was fwb kept telling me how lonely she was without a partner and I started getting feelings. I should of stopped things as soon as I realized.

I am left with no friends now. I want him to have his group of friends without me intruding, and my group is too close to my ex fwb. I miss them greatly and it is leaving me depressed. Distracting myself barely helps.

My partner seems fine somehow. I remind him it is ok to share his feelings, no matter how strong or messy they might be. He hasn't. I check up every day with a good morning and good night text. I am scared to talk to him so we don't make a false sense of normality.

He tells me it's ok to talk to his friend about things. I don't agree. It leaves his friend stuck in the middle.

I feel like I am slowly losing hope, but I don't want to. My partner still believes in us. He wants to move in soon to help the process. I'm terrified. Even my therapist seems confused with the entire situation.

Please tell me what to do. I feel extremely lost and don't know what to do next.

I posted in other places not too long ago, but I still need help.

I had a best friend who was also friends with benefits. Everyone consented to this, and my boyfriend was completely ok with it since he was busy. I should also mention everyone involved is long distance.

My best friend would constantly talk about how she hated that she was single. I pitied her, so I starting showing more affection. I explained this to my boyfriend, and he said that it was me "being kind" and "he probably would of done the same." Is that a red flag?

Edit: He says he saw the signs from the beginning and grieved silently then. The thoughts and grief are back after I admitted everything, and he says it helps.

Other than the pity, I enjoyed the way she comforted and talked to me, just because my boyfriend was mostly too busy. I hate that I felt this way. I hate that I enjoyed the flirting. I cut contact with her and I may have to leave my friend group because of how involved she is. I am grieving all of it really hard, and it is leaving me depressed and bedrotting.

My boyfriend plans to move in on June 7th. I do not feel ready, but he says it will help. Any time I express my feelings, he tells me it will be ok and to stay strong. It scares me.​ I asked him if he's replying like this because he is scared of losing me. The answer is partially yes, but also because he still loves me and thinks we can fix this.

Please, please help me. I feel like I can't hold on until my therapy appointment anymore. I am extremely hurt and need guidance.

As the title says, I cheated and I heavily regret it. I am not here to listen to people call me a bad girlfriend. I know I am. I need help.

Everyone involved consented to fwbs because my boyfriend was too busy and my best friend wanted a purely sexual relationship. Of course, it went to far. I began to pity her after she said she wanted to feel loved, so I made the mistake of going to far.

I feel like things will never be the same between all of us. My boyfriend says he forgives me completely and wants to stay with me, but I'm scared. Every time I talk to him, I think it would be better to break up to keep him from being hurt by me. I am afraid I will push him away. Light conversations with him make me anxious.

I also feel extremely depressed after going no contact with my best friend today. My boyfriend says I don't need to since she said she doesn't have feelings, but I think it is for the best. I have no energy anymore and I have been bedrotting.

How do I fix things with my boyfriend, and how do I stop having feelings/ feel depressed over my best friend?