u/WntrWltr

So, my extremely close friend got me into climbing a few years back in the gym. They had been climbing for about 10 years, and we climbed together 3 to 4 times per week for the first year on top rope, lead, and occasionally bouldering. When the nice weather arrived, I immediately got outside with a guide, discovered trad, began climbing with mentors, and started leading regularly. Meanwhile, they remained indoors bouldering almost exclusively—only climbing outside maybe once a year or so—and we began to drift.

After listening to them talk a big game about all the climbs on their tick list, I soon discovered that they will only climb on top rope outdoors and refuse to even consider sport climbing or following on trad. When asked, they always disparage trad climbing as boring or dumb with no real reasons given, which clearly seems like some type of defense mechanism. I have tried to discuss this in a casual setting, only to be told the same things about it being stupid or dumb or whatever. While I respect their unusual decision to shun any outdoor climbing style other than top roping, I am finding it super hard to be excited about their accomplishments. Their excitement over hanging three times on a 5.11 top rope just builds indifference and resentment within me.

Let me be clear: I do not think trad is inherently "better" than top roping. However, it is so hard to be excited for them hang-dogging a TR, bragging to everyone how they "climbed a 5.11 outdoors" without mentioning the top rope or the multiple hangs, and then giving me grief nearly daily for "only climbing 5.7" outdoors. They fail to mention that my 5.7 is on trad in an incredibly sandbagged area, which is a whole other ballgame when it comes to grading.

I want to support my friend, and I have tried to talk to them on numerous occasions about not bashing my climbing accomplishments, but it continues to fall on deaf ears. I am beginning to feel guilty because their actions are causing resentment-based thoughts to creep in, making me view them as a "poser" or "not a real climber." I don't want to curtail our friendship, but I feel like it might come to a head soon.

Any advice on how to handle this would be really appreciated. Thanks.

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