u/Wooden_Title3258

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I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m genuinely confused and this relationship has started to feel mentally draining for me.

My girlfriend loves me a lot, and I have no doubt that she cares about me. She’s also very attractive and takes really good care of her appearance. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that—I actually think it’s a good thing.

The problem is that I’ve started comparing myself to her.

I’d consider myself average or maybe below average looking. Growing up, I never really thought much about my appearance or felt insecure about it. But over the last 2–3 months, being in this relationship has made me think about my looks much more than I ever did before.

She has reassured me multiple times and told me not to think that I’m ugly or unattractive. But at the same time, I feel like she places a lot of importance on appearance, especially facial attractiveness and height.

For example, I’m around 5'8". I personally never considered myself extremely short because, in my experience, that’s around average for an Indian guy. But she has told me that 5'8" is short. She’s around 5'3", so this makes me wonder whether she actually finds my height unattractive even though she tells me she loves me.

Another thing that confuses me is that she sometimes compliments other good-looking guys, even calling them things like “handsome” while referring to them casually as “bhaiya.” I know that complimenting someone doesn’t automatically mean she’s attracted to them, and I don’t want to be controlling or jealous over normal behavior.

But combined with everything else, it gets into my head.

I’ve reached a point where I constantly wonder things like:

- Does she actually find me attractive?

- Is she settling for me despite being able to get someone better-looking?

- Does my height bother her more than she admits?

- Am I simply becoming insecure because I’m comparing myself to her?

- Or are some of her comments genuinely contributing to these insecurities?

The weird thing is that I wasn’t this insecure about my appearance before the relationship. I used to be comfortable with myself.

I love her and I believe she loves me, but lately the relationship itself is making me question my attractiveness and my self-worth, and that’s exhausting.

I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “she loves you, so stop thinking about it.” I’d genuinely like an objective perspective.

Am I being insecure and overthinking normal things, or are there legitimate reasons to be concerned about the way she views my appearance? And how would you handle this situation without becoming controlling or constantly seeking reassurance from your partner?

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I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m genuinely confused and this relationship has started to feel mentally draining for me.

My girlfriend loves me a lot, and I have no doubt that she cares about me. She’s also very attractive and takes really good care of her appearance. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that—I actually think it’s a good thing.

The problem is that I’ve started comparing myself to her.

I’d consider myself average or maybe below average looking. Growing up, I never really thought much about my appearance or felt insecure about it. But over the last 2–3 months, being in this relationship has made me think about my looks much more than I ever did before.

She has reassured me multiple times and told me not to think that I’m ugly or unattractive. But at the same time, I feel like she places a lot of importance on appearance, especially facial attractiveness and height.

For example, I’m around 5'8". I personally never considered myself extremely short because, in my experience, that’s around average for an Indian guy. But she has told me that 5'8" is short. She’s around 5'3", so this makes me wonder whether she actually finds my height unattractive even though she tells me she loves me.

Another thing that confuses me is that she sometimes compliments other good-looking guys, even calling them things like “handsome” while referring to them casually as “bhaiya.” I know that complimenting someone doesn’t automatically mean she’s attracted to them, and I don’t want to be controlling or jealous over normal behavior.

But combined with everything else, it gets into my head.

I’ve reached a point where I constantly wonder things like:

- Does she actually find me attractive?

- Is she settling for me despite being able to get someone better-looking?

- Does my height bother her more than she admits?

- Am I simply becoming insecure because I’m comparing myself to her?

- Or are some of her comments genuinely contributing to these insecurities?

The weird thing is that I wasn’t this insecure about my appearance before the relationship. I used to be comfortable with myself.

I love her and I believe she loves me, but lately the relationship itself is making me question my attractiveness and my self-worth, and that’s exhausting.

I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “she loves you, so stop thinking about it.” I’d genuinely like an objective perspective.

Am I being insecure and overthinking normal things, or are there legitimate reasons to be concerned about the way she views my appearance? And how would you handle this situation without becoming controlling or constantly seeking reassurance from your partner?

I'm a 19-year-old guy and I've been carrying this secret for almost a year. I haven't told anyone because I'm ashamed of what I did, and it's reached a point where I genuinely can't live peacefully anymore.

I'll replace our names with X (me) and Y (her).

About a year ago, X created a fake social media profile. I used photos of a good-looking guy who wasn't me. I also made up almost everything else—my name, where I was from, and many details about my life. My real name isn't the one I gave her, and I'm actually from a different state than I told her. At the time, I never imagined anything serious would happen. I was immature and thought it was just something stupid to do.

Then I started talking to Y.

Over time, we became really close. She trusted me. She opened up to me emotionally, and somewhere along the way she became deeply attached to me. The worst part is that I became attached too. At some point, I told her that the profile picture wasn't actually me and that the account had started as a fake account. She knows what I really look like now, and surprisingly she stayed. But I never had the courage to tell her the entire truth.

She still believes my fake name is my real name. She still believes I'm from the place I lied about. She still believes many stories about my life that were completely made up.

Every single day I think about this.

I haven't slept properly in almost a year. Most nights I sleep only around four hours because my mind keeps telling me that I'm a terrible person and that I'm ruining someone else's life. I constantly imagine how she'll feel when she finds out everything. This is her first relationship, and I hate myself for the possibility that her first experience of love could become a painful memory because of my actions.

A few times I tried to leave without telling her everything because I thought maybe she'd be better off without me. But every time I tried, she cried and kept asking, "What was my mistake?" That question completely broke me because the truth is... none of this is her fault. It's mine.

Here's another important part: I don't think I want a future relationship with her anymore. Not because she's a bad person—she's genuinely kind—but because I know I built this connection on lies, and I don't feel it's right to continue. At the same time, I feel like telling her everything and ending it will completely destroy her emotionally.

I'm stuck between two choices that both feel horrible.

If I stay, I'm continuing a lie.

If I tell the truth and leave, I feel like I'll break someone who trusted me.

The guilt has become so overwhelming that it's affecting every part of my life. I barely sleep, I can't focus, and sometimes I've had thoughts that maybe I don't deserve to be alive because of what I did. I'm not saying this for sympathy. I'm saying it because I honestly don't know how to live with this guilt anymore.

I'm not asking people to tell me that what I did was okay, because it wasn't. I know I lied. I know I manipulated someone's trust, even if that wasn't my original intention. I fully accept that I caused this situation.

What I want is honest advice.

If you were Y, would you want to know the complete truth even if it ended the relationship?

If you've ever been in a similar situation—from either side—how did you handle it?

Is there any way to take responsibility that causes the least amount of harm, or have I already crossed that point?

Please be honest. I can take criticism. I just don't want insults for the sake of insults because I'm already living with the consequences in my own head every single day.

Thank you for reading.

I'm a 19-year-old guy and I've been carrying this secret for almost a year. I haven't told anyone because I'm ashamed of what I did, and it's reached a point where I genuinely can't live peacefully anymore.

I'll replace our names with X (me) and Y (her).

About a year ago, X created a fake social media profile. I used photos of a good-looking guy who wasn't me. I also made up almost everything else—my name, where I was from, and many details about my life. My real name isn't the one I gave her, and I'm actually from a different state than I told her. At the time, I never imagined anything serious would happen. I was immature and thought it was just something stupid to do.

Then I started talking to Y.

Over time, we became really close. She trusted me. She opened up to me emotionally, and somewhere along the way she became deeply attached to me. The worst part is that I became attached too. At some point, I told her that the profile picture wasn't actually me and that the account had started as a fake account. She knows what I really look like now, and surprisingly she stayed. But I never had the courage to tell her the entire truth.

She still believes my fake name is my real name. She still believes I'm from the place I lied about. She still believes many stories about my life that were completely made up.

Every single day I think about this.

I haven't slept properly in almost a year. Most nights I sleep only around four hours because my mind keeps telling me that I'm a terrible person and that I'm ruining someone else's life. I constantly imagine how she'll feel when she finds out everything. This is her first relationship, and I hate myself for the possibility that her first experience of love could become a painful memory because of my actions.

A few times I tried to leave without telling her everything because I thought maybe she'd be better off without me. But every time I tried, she cried and kept asking, "What was my mistake?" That question completely broke me because the truth is... none of this is her fault. It's mine.

Here's another important part: I don't think I want a future relationship with her anymore. Not because she's a bad person—she's genuinely kind—but because I know I built this connection on lies, and I don't feel it's right to continue. At the same time, I feel like telling her everything and ending it will completely destroy her emotionally.

I'm stuck between two choices that both feel horrible.

If I stay, I'm continuing a lie.

If I tell the truth and leave, I feel like I'll break someone who trusted me.

The guilt has become so overwhelming that it's affecting every part of my life. I barely sleep, I can't focus, and sometimes I've had thoughts that maybe I don't deserve to be alive because of what I did. I'm not saying this for sympathy. I'm saying it because I honestly don't know how to live with this guilt anymore.

I'm not asking people to tell me that what I did was okay, because it wasn't. I know I lied. I know I manipulated someone's trust, even if that wasn't my original intention. I fully accept that I caused this situation.

What I want is honest advice.

If you were Y, would you want to know the complete truth even if it ended the relationship?

If you've ever been in a similar situation—from either side—how did you handle it?

Is there any way to take responsibility that causes the least amount of harm, or have I already crossed that point?

Please be honest. I can take criticism. I just don't want insults for the sake of insults because I'm already living with the consequences in my own head every single day.

Thank you for reading.

I'm a 19-year-old guy and I've been carrying this secret for almost a year. I haven't told anyone because I'm ashamed of what I did, and it's reached a point where I genuinely can't live peacefully anymore.

I'll replace our names with X (me) and Y (her).

About a year ago, X created a fake social media profile. I used photos of a good-looking guy who wasn't me. I also made up almost everything else—my name, where I was from, and many details about my life. My real name isn't the one I gave her, and I'm actually from a different state than I told her. At the time, I never imagined anything serious would happen. I was immature and thought it was just something stupid to do.

Then I started talking to Y.

Over time, we became really close. She trusted me. She opened up to me emotionally, and somewhere along the way she became deeply attached to me. The worst part is that I became attached too. At some point, I told her that the profile picture wasn't actually me and that the account had started as a fake account. She knows what I really look like now, and surprisingly she stayed. But I never had the courage to tell her the entire truth.

She still believes my fake name is my real name. She still believes I'm from the place I lied about. She still believes many stories about my life that were completely made up.

Every single day I think about this.

I haven't slept properly in almost a year. Most nights I sleep only around four hours because my mind keeps telling me that I'm a terrible person and that I'm ruining someone else's life. I constantly imagine how she'll feel when she finds out everything. This is her first relationship, and I hate myself for the possibility that her first experience of love could become a painful memory because of my actions.

A few times I tried to leave without telling her everything because I thought maybe she'd be better off without me. But every time I tried, she cried and kept asking, "What was my mistake?" That question completely broke me because the truth is... none of this is her fault. It's mine.

Here's another important part: I don't think I want a future relationship with her anymore. Not because she's a bad person—she's genuinely kind—but because I know I built this connection on lies, and I don't feel it's right to continue. At the same time, I feel like telling her everything and ending it will completely destroy her emotionally.

I'm stuck between two choices that both feel horrible.

If I stay, I'm continuing a lie.

If I tell the truth and leave, I feel like I'll break someone who trusted me.

The guilt has become so overwhelming that it's affecting every part of my life. I barely sleep, I can't focus, and sometimes I've had thoughts that maybe I don't deserve to be alive because of what I did. I'm not saying this for sympathy. I'm saying it because I honestly don't know how to live with this guilt anymore.

I'm not asking people to tell me that what I did was okay, because it wasn't. I know I lied. I know I manipulated someone's trust, even if that wasn't my original intention. I fully accept that I caused this situation.

What I want is honest advice.

If you were Y, would you want to know the complete truth even if it ended the relationship?

If you've ever been in a similar situation—from either side—how did you handle it?

Is there any way to take responsibility that causes the least amount of harm, or have I already crossed that point?

Please be honest. I can take criticism. I just don't want insults for the sake of insults because I'm already living with the consequences in my own head every single day.

Thank you for reading.

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