u/Zuzu_RU

My 58 yr old mom has early onset "Alzheimer's" diagnosed about a year ago.

But I swear it HAS to be Lewy Body. Started off with hallucinations, delusions of people harming her, paranoia, memory intact, motor skills failing, no executive function, slow walking, etc. It's almost textbook.

She needs Assisted Living ASAP. And probably Memory Care sooner than later.

We are closing in on a Mira Vie community in NJ... we will feel much more assured with a place that allows a transition to a Medicaid bed should we run out of private funds. They will allegedly give us this in writing.

I don't ever wanna move her down the road (barring like an end of life hospital bed). I don't ever wanna go through this B.S. again. This search has been miserable and exhausting. I need her managed not by me (32F and OVER IT).

Are Mira Vies good? Is it a financially stable business that will be around for the future that doesn't risk our private pay investment? Can they handle a Lewy Body resident? Someone paranoid who Will DEFINITELY think residents and staff are out to get her.

Also I love you all, keep on keeping on.

Currently looking for Assisted Living places with eventual Memory Care for my Mom who has early onset dementia (58.5. I'm 32F and having a horrible time).

In our touring, I am deeply off-put by these facilities having "directors of sales". The way they are competing with one another to try and get us to choose them. Sales tactic after sales tactic.

This is a serious thing. It's where I am putting my beloved mom in this final chapter of her life as she burns hundreds of thousands of her hard-earned retirement that she wanted to use for vacation, peace, and other things. Not this. She's not a "sale".

Call it Admissions or something because screw this language.

Bullet point background:

- Mom is 58, 59 in December. Young onset dementia.

- Executive functioning is gone--great difficulty putting on clothing, smells because she can't shower well anymore, can't clean, can't keep up with administrative tasks like paperwork and emails, can't keep her phone charged, talks in very circuitous ways, can't use her phone or a computer, etc.

- Extreme paranoia and hallucinations of people doing things to her, stealing her stuff, vandalism, torment her, etc. A *they* everywhere she goes.

- I helped her move out of a squalor disgusting hoarder apartment on Monday. Was awful. She's currently in a hotel.

- I am her POA.

But okay so. I found two relatively affordable and seemingly nice Assisted Living facilities through Sunrise Senior Living in Northern New Jersey. We toured... she likes them... enough.

But she has the same primary reservation I do: age demographics. I feel so bad for her. She is so young. My mom doesn't wanna play bingo or do basic elderly exercises. They don't even have a gym! She needs daily stimulation and activities, but I don't want her to wither away prematurely via osmosis. I don't want her to *feel* old. These places are nice but you walk in and see wheelchairs and walkers. No judgment!! But hopefully you guys get where I'm coming from.

It breaks my heart to put her in a facility like this.

Like... what are options for someone in this state of being? She absolutely NEEDS care and assistance and to be in a safe place (And I can't do this anymore!!!! I need to live).

I looked at specific memory care places but a lot are super pricey, don't allow pets (she has a senior dog that I couldn't pull away from her if I tried). She is more financially privileged than most [which is sad] and can afford private pay for a few years (assuming non-exorbitant monthly costs) but we would feel secure about Medicaid places for transition, so she doesn't drain her life savings into a facility (we are looking into setting up irrevocable trusts when she can accest her retirement savings plan with no penalty).

But god... what do I do?? She needs a home. She can't live on her own anymore. And I need to live. Lost a whole week of work this week to tours and research. I'm a Professor and it's AUGUST.

Mom has dementia. Young. 58. Sucks. We live in New Jersey.

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She has an apartment that is a disgusting squalor hoarded nightmare. She has a senior dog who pees and poops all over. Flies. Gnats. You name it. The stench is unbearable. On her clothes. She smells like dogshit in public.

I tell her she has to hire someone to help her clean the place and she gets mad at me. Defensive. Paranoid. Low blows. Mad that I am raising my voice because "they" can hear. Says "they" are releasing flies into her home. The usual bullshit. Big fight last night. Told her not to talk to me anymore since she rejects all my help and frames it as me being nasty and disrespectful.

Today? Her car died on the side of the road. Likely because she forgot to fill it up.

She can't live like this. She's supposed to move by the end of July but she's looking for another apartment. And I'm just like, "Mom... You need care."

But she won't do it. What do I do?

She has a pension, savings from a house sale, and a government 401k equivalent. Doctors says she has like 10-15 years (honestly, I hate to feel this way but I hope it's closer to 10).

Hi

I posted the other day that I was worried about the gas mileage of my newly purchased Kona N-Line and it seems my worries were correct. Driving for 2 days now and these MPG estimates are disconcerting.

Hyundai says this vehicle should have 27 city / 32 highway (29 combined) MPG. I have the AWD.

I have not seen the local MPG creep past 23.4. Highway nowhere near 32. I just ran a local errand and witnessed it go from 96 miles when I left home then 90 when I came back. 6 miles were not driven, 4.3 were (splitting hairs perhaps, but it matters!).

I bought it CPO with 29k miles on it. These miles were racked up over two and some years per the vehicle history report so it was seemingly driven kinda on the upper limit of average annual. Worried that the engine was not broken in properly and now it's Over and Too Late.

I like the car enough. It looks cool and I like driving it, but this is so disappointing. So many other cars with better MPG I could have gotten for what I spent on this thing.

"Why did you get a turbo engine vehicle if you were concerned about gas mileage?"

I live in New Jersey and I like to have good pick-up on our very fast-moving highways for safety 😔

Will it get better? Is there anything I can do?