u/_Loyaldog_

Explanations for some of my rankings:

The Personal Trainer: I wish all of our food would hold up bright orange traffic cones and shout at everything! It makes things so convenient!

The Hermit: Okay, I know I’ll get some hate for this opinion from the rest of the horde, but I personally like the way that he smells. It’s like pre-seasoning!

The Hoarder: The human? Standard prey, nothing too special. I just want to eat that magpie. Gonna get that biiiird 😋

The Cub Scout: The small ones are so damn fast!

The Arctic Explorer: I hate it when humans have those thick coverings that you have to bite all the way through just to get to the good stuff. So annoying.

The Soldier & The Tyrant: Look, I’m not saying the other people don’t have stabby guys, but these two have more stabby guys, and sometimes they’re extra stabby. Have you ever been stabbed by a stabby guy? Because I have, and I’m sure if I could feel pain, it would’ve really hurt. The humans should think about that sometimes before they stab us with their stabby things, but they never do. Rude.

The Researcher: I couldn’t find a good picture of them, but they’d either go in standard prey or tasty. I haven’t decided if I want to eat those rats yet.

They do not “take shelter”. They do not “reside”.

They SNUGGLE.

Now, is it a good idea to snuggle with a mind-controlling parasite? Probably not. But you’d be tempted to anyway, right? It’s not just me? I’m not the weird one here, right? It just sounds so cozy!
Hehehehe we’re snuggling!

I need to get me a “!!!” sign. I feel like I’d constantly be holding it up, just as an indicator of my general mental state.

I’m a little skeptical, but it does say it was written by a real news guy that I should trust…

(I want to fill this entire journal before 2027 and I’m running out of time, so I’m finding any excuse whatsoever to use pages. Guess I’m neuraxposting now?)

I kept seeing this subreddit because I’m active in r/PlagueInc, so I started playing. I haven’t gotten very far, but I like it!

Edit: This post got way more attention than I thought it would, and I’m having trouble coming up with funny replies on the spot. I’ll try to get to you if I haven’t!

If anyone else has a collection of random media quotes, song lyrics, and memes that are permanently ingrained in their memory, you know what I’m talking about. “Your/my brain needs a hug :(“ has been added to the collection, and if I ever say that out loud, I’m gonna have to explain that it’s about parasitic worms.

I know I was the one who drew the damn thing, but am I entitled to any compensation here?

I’ll admit it’s a pretty compelling argument

I don’t like the way she’s looking at me and I don’t want her getting any ideas.

You probably shouldn’t try to befriend infectious diseases in general, but if you’re really desperate and haven’t had the best luck with other humans, feel free to use this as a guide.

*I can only go off hearsay and the wiki for Hell on Earth, since I’m a mobile player.

**For Necroa, Simian, and Shadow, I’m referring to the zombies, apes, and vampires, not the plagues themselves. Do not try to befriend the plagues themselves.

***I’d add an asterisk next to Simian Flu if I could. It really depends on the ape, and considering humans are either trying to experiment on them or kill them, I think most apes would be understandably wary of a human claiming they just want to be friends. You really need to earn their trust first.

****You know what, I’m adding an asterisk next to Santa’s Little Helper as well. That worm definitely wants to be friends, but it’s going to be a very intimate friendship.

I’m going to keep making tier lists nobody asked for until someone bans me or tells me to stop.

*Neurax worm varies depending on symptoms. Brain worms are a real thing; brain worms enslaving people falls into “are you sure your sources are credible?” for me. I decided to split the difference and put it in the middle.

**Considering I’m not religious and don’t really believe in Hell, this would be a pretty dramatic worldview shift for me. I’m not saying I wouldn’t adjust my beliefs if/when vampires start running around doing unholy magic on people, I’m just saying it’d be a dramatic shift. If you do believe in Hell, where would you put shadow plague?

Today was my first day at a new job, so I need an excuse to call out on standby. For some reason, the “I’m being mind-controlled by a worm” excuse only works a few times.

Part of a custom scenario (Bacteria: Google Translated) that I laughed way too hard at. Are we allowed to discuss custom scenarios here?