being aro sucks sometimes
hi everyone σ(≧ω≦*) forgive the pessimistic title but like, ive been thinking bout it quite alot recently.
I wanna preface this by saying i am quite young, and I'm very sure I'm on the aspec. that could change but I very heavily doubt it.
growing up i never really felt any romantic attraction, be it for men or women. and when id tell people they'd never believe me and wave me off as a late bloomer. and since everybody else feels romantic attraction around me, I figured itd be a matter of time. it hasn't happened yet and I can't help but feel resentment.
romantic love is painted as the ultimate goal and framework for society, it's the one thing everybody feels. it's in all media; games, songs, shows, books. romantic love is painted as the be all end all. fiction is shaped by reality and society excels in rubbing the idea of romance in my face. all of my friends, my siblings and people at my school have all experienced romantic feelings and/or have had romantic experiences. and all it really does is remind me that im never gonna be first place to somebody. people place so much emphasis on romance that their partner is always their #1 person (rightfully so) but that leaves me feeling unfulfilled.
I want to kiss, cuddle and hold hands with someone as friends. i want to be their top priority, the first person they think of and have them think of me as their favourite person. I want romance without the romance. but in today's society that seems virtually impossible. dating regularly (from what i know) is already hard and I imagine its impossibly harder with these almost nonsensical standards. it sucks!!!!!
most of my friends either have people theyre closer with than me or are in relationships and i just feel horribly lonely. again, I know I'm young, but idk. it sucks. as happy as I am being aro id also trade it for being allo sometimes.