u/aimlessrebel

Went cold turkey almost 2 months ago from a pretty out of hand coffee addiction. Just in the last week I've been feeling a bit better! Not waking up in a feeling of complete doom, and I'm getting feelings of joy from simple things like just hanging out with my dog. I still get down but that's just how I am, and it's less of a devastating feeling and more witnessing those moments calmly and working through them. I'm looking forward to seeing continued improvements and I'm prepared for things to potentially cycle and become harder again. But I'm hopeful that things will keep getting better from here. Also I had a bit of cocoa yesterday and it made me feel worse in every way. So now I have really no desire for any amount of caffeine because I'm definitely past the point of it making me feel good. It just feels like shit now. I miss the taste of chocolate but mostly I crave protein and healthy carbs.

Hii I have another question, thank you kind friends. It's my first time wanting to go get a bear stuffed since like 25 years ago and I'm autistic so it helps so much to have an idea beforehand for my anxiety.

So I got a used bear and took all the stuffing out and deep cleaned the skin and now I'm ready to go get him stuffed. My question is, will they have an issue stuffing the head? I know a lot of bears typically have their heads already stuffed.

My bear has a little slot in the fabric that divides the head and body, so I know they could put the hose in there. But he also has a special compartment within the head for his snout stuffing so it requires the person to find a slot within a slot, if that makes sense. And this bear isn't currently sold in stores and probably came with the head stuffed originally. Am I going to need to explain to them that there's a special compartment in the snout or do they already know this?

Thank you so much 💜

I am hoping for free shipping so I can get a couple clothing items

Hi I'm so depressed it's scary. Did this happen to anyone else and when will it get better?

Hi I'm so depressed it's scary. Did this happen to anyone else and when will it get better? 😢

I quit cold turkey because I didn't want to put myself through the prolonged suffering of tapering and I didn't trust myself to quit that way. More likely id reduce and then tell myself it was fine to continue. So I'm on day 4 of withdrawals from drinking a pot of coffee every morning and tea or soda in the afternoon. I've hit the depression where I'm just noticing my thoughts are hopeless and sad. So I guess I'm just gonna try not to think too much. Also tired and have a headache but nothing too bad. Definitely sleeping better. Not waking up exhausted like I was on caffeine. I've had hot and cold flashes but nothing crazy.

I've been pounding the coffee nonstop since my dog died last year and before that too, dealing with his aging health and caregiving for him. It all was emotionally a lot and that's not even mentioning the other difficult things in my life. So I'm sure I was self medicating with the coffee. I'm just hoping I'll have more resilience after the withdrawals on a sober brain than I did on caffeine. I felt like I wasn't fully present in my life. Couldn't focus well. Constantly on screens. Ups and downs and always tired. Couldn't be social without it. I'm going to try getting off sugar and reduce screens in the future. I don't want my life to pass me by and I don't want my brain to be so messed up.

Anyone else relate? I feel like I've had quite a few friends come into my life and the majority of them end up displaying patterns of behavior that make me pull away. Like people who lack attunement and feels like they use me as a therapist, or people who communicate badly, or straight up abusive narcissists. There's a spectrum but the result is that I'm so alone. I hardly ever have plans these days and I'm sad. It makes me feel like it's my fault because I don't have the capacity to nurture friendships just for the sake of it. I long for relationships that feel right 😢 but also it feels like people = survival and I feel like I'm in a season now where I've lost so many people that I'm scarily alone.

So I got top surgery last summer and cut my hair short and now I feel like I get read as a man. And sometimes feel like I make women uncomfortable. I was not expecting this. I did not have a fixed gender identity going into surgery, I just finally surrendered to being a person who experiences dysphoria with my boobs and needed surgery. I did it for the aesthetic and also for physical comfort and health. I just didn't expect that people would no longer understand my femininity as they once did... since regardless of whatever the fuck gender I am (gender is a construct anyway) I have a lot of feminine energy. And I am/was a racial minority and a woman so I haven't had much power/privilege in terms of my looks which is also partly why it feels sad and strange to be read as a man by women. Because I know I am a safe person. I am perfectly happy if men think I am a man since that would make me feel safer from them, but I don't feel like its 100% enough to rely on since I am still small and not on T, never have been. Lots of estrogen here.