u/aitathrowaway9090909

been feeling like poop from a butt recently. I'm home from college right now and my parents just Do Not Get It. My dad can't wrap his head around the fact that I'm a dude, he's like "but I raised you as a girl!! I did everything as if you were a girl!!!" (I've made tables with him, by the way. I helped him build our deck. At least he's not a misogynist...?)

I've got this trans binder sticker on my laptop. One of my friends saw it during class, tapped it, and gave me the biggest grin and a thumbs-up. He's been calling me a "self-made man."

I was having a discussion about relationships with another group of friends and I said something like "if I like someone, I'll be acting like some kind of bird. Bringing gifts, showing off, and I never stop acting that way, even if we've been married for years."
One of my friends casually said "yeah, you're so 'chalant,' more men need to be like that." It was so casual. She didn't even seem like she was making an effort to call me "he" and stuff, and not only do I appreciate that, but it makes me feel AWESOME.

I scroll in this sub and I see other transmascs sharing their struggles, and then I'll click on the comments and see people uplifting each other, calling each other "handsome" and saying "hang in there bro, we can do this" and giving tips and coping strategies. I go on other trans subs and see posts about "what kind of girl are you?" and someone will reply "none, i'm a trans guy" and all the girls will be like "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH WE GOT A DUDE IN HERE"

There are old trans people!!! That's fucking amazing! We can live, we're gonna live!

I love community. I love this sub and everyone in it, I love all of my friends, I love the person that told me to crochet skulls and bugs, I love you all so so much. Life will always trip us up, shit will always kinda suck, but when one of us falls, the others will be here to support.

By the way, if your brain is ever telling you "you look horrible, you look like a girly pink flower pretty pink girl princess woman and you should do something bad to yourself," just ask yourself...why would you trust that lying bitch? Mf doesn't know what it's talking about. That's three pounds of tapioca pudding piloting a meat suit and hallucinating so hard it invented Homestuck. Don't trust it.

Trying to make an arpas UTAU voicebank, struggling to figure out the pronounciation.

I'm using Adlas27's 139-sample reclist, but I can't figure out whether I pronounce everything consecutively or leave pauses between phonemes where the underscores are.

Also, does anyone know how I can connect my phone to my PC so I can record input in Oremo through my phone?

Any help would be appreciated!

The stupidest things give me dysphoria. I used to love art and crocheting, but now I can't do it because art and crocheting are "girl hobbies." Most artists and every crocheter I see are women, and doing those things makes me feel more "girly."

It's getting so bad that I'll actively shun anything that looks good in favor of...navy blue bedsheets and shit. Because it's "too girly." I hate it, I hate that I can't enjoy what I used to, and I hate that my own insecurity about my masculinity is pushing me away from things I used to love.

The worst part? Self-proclaimed "alpha male" podcasters are starting to look REALLY appealing. I'm self-aware enough to understand that they spout nothing but lies, but I have to admit that, when you're insecure in your own identity as a man, these guys and their "being a man is X, Y, and Z" formulas start to seem like a way out of the pit of dysphoric despair. Boys do this, boys do that, boys treat women as less than them. It's terrible. I'm afraid that, in my desperate longing to make a man out of myself, I'll end up becoming those who I condemn.

I know I won't. I know I'll manage, that I'll get over or through this somehow...but it SUCKS! It sucks that masculinity is a nebulous concept that depends mostly on self-perception instead of relying on a set of easily defined and easily followed rules! It SUCKS that guidelines for how to be a man will lead me down a path of hatred and emotional repression! This sucks politician cock!!!

But. There are ways to mitigate it. There are ways to cope. We are a community, and I have no doubt that other people are struggling with the same thing.
So here are some things I've found that help:

• Follow dudes that are into whatever you're into. Especially if they're other trans dudes!
  • Male fashion creators (there's this one chubby dude that styles baggy shirts and "stuff that X people can't wear" just out of spite and self-love, + he's really really fine)
  • transmasc fitness creators (i think there's this guy named Grayson or something, he's on youtube)
  • artists (coledraws is so cool)
  • Anyone can do any hobby, do not limit yourself!
• Do something physical (within your abilities.) Cardio, skateboarding, weightlifting, grip strength, even just stretching can help with the despair. Not sure why.
• "Women are cool, I just don't wanna be one." Safety net against the slippery slope of misogyny.
• find a transfem with the features that you want and swap with her, trade her excess testosterone for your excess estrogen and both of you walk away happy
  • Joking obv., but "partnering" with other trans people (incl. enbies) can actually get you some good resources. At the very least, you get solidarity in a community that understands what you're going through. That's why we're here, after all.
  • Swap clothes! Trade hair dye for jewelry or something! That's what a village does, be a villager!
• DO NOT...I repeat, DO. NOT. blame other members of the trans community for what you're going through. Sounds strange, I know, but I've been getting the urge to point fingers and say "ugh it's all these trans women making me feel bad" which is STUPID and NOT A NICE THING TO DO.
  • Yes, there's an issue with transfemininity overriding transmasculinity sometimes, but that's a separate issue to what we're going through. Transfems are not the enemy!! They are our sisters and siblings, and that means that they understand some of what we're experiencing!
• Look in the mirror and channel the spirit of Chet Manly. Flex your nonexistent muscles, put on your best frat boy voice, and say something like "bro i'm so MANLY that OTHER MEN are JEALOUS of my MANLINESS." You're gonna feel stupid, but you just have to fake it till you make it.
  • Chet Manly is a character I made up for sociology class, he embodies Positive Masculinity. He says shit like "Well if you're the man of the house, then it's your job to take care of your family. That's what alphas do, bro. Why are you making your wife take care of the whole house?" and "Wait...now that you're a chick, can I still call you 'bruh?' Or should I call you...'gruh?'" and "The manliest thing that any man can do is not care what other people say about you. Your manliness is your own, bro."
  • Eventually, he will start to drown out the dysphoria brain worms. It's really stupid but it works. He looks like the human version of a Jolteon. IT WORKS.

We got this. We shall endure, we shall survive, and we shall come out the other side as MEN (or CREATURES or GENDERLESS AMALGAMS or SOMETHING)

I'm turning 18 soon and I'm 5'0 (I know height impacts skate injuries.) A skateboard is cheaper than a car and my campus has banned electric scooters, so I'm thinking I'd like to learn skateboarding. The issue is that my house is in the middle of skate-hating suburbia, and my college is full of judgemental assholes that will laugh at me.
I have the whole summer to learn. What are the skills that I should practice before I start getting on the board? I'm just trying to cruise so I can get to class and around the city faster. There's a skate park nearby but I'm not sure how many people use it.

Thanks!

I am trying to make myself into a VCCV English UTAU. Unfortunately, everything I see on the internet is absolute gibberish, and I can't understand any of it. So I need some help translating into everyday speak. (I have very little computer knowledge. I know I'm on a computer and I know what a .wav file is and that's about it. The first time someone told me some crap about "ogg opus and ogg vorbis" I nearly overthrew France.)

Here's what I know so far:

• VCCV stands for vowel-consonant-consonant-vowel, it's a method of recording sounds for your little dude to make. This is best for English UTAU.
• You're supposed to record in something called Oremo??
• Once you're done recording all of these 9,700,384 individual soundbites, you have to do something called an "oto," in which you make a blood sacrifice (????) and this will turn your files into an UTAU.
• Don't arpas. What is arpas? No clue. But don't do it.

Here's what I actually need to know:

• Do I need to record each individual audio separately in its own file?
• What sounds do I need to record? I have the individual phonemes, but no way to put them together meaningfully.
• What is oto, and how + when do I do it? Please explain in layman's terms, because I'm new and don't know any of the jargon.
• What's this I keep seeing about recording each sound in different pitches? Do I have to do that too? I haven't reached the ends of my vocal range in a hot minute, so how many octaves do I need to record?

If it helps, you can explain to me like I'm your grandpa. I don't need to know why everything works, I need to know what to do and how to do it. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you :c

Edited to add: Okay, so I guess I'm going to do C+V instead of VCCV because doing VCCV with no prior experience will bring plague and death upon my family. I now have a very, very vague idea of how to get started. I made a Stardew Valley mod in two weeks, so I can do this too >:D

i go to a small college, people have been "jokingly" calling me the campus bad boy because i'm the only alt brown dude here with a buzz cut, and i'm also five feet tall.

Jokes be damned, it feels great.