u/aj4ever

hey where did the Stanley Kubrick Greatest Film moon landing episode go? I can’t find it anymore.

Hi! Lately, there have been three instances in the last six months or so where someone has described me as being overwhelmed or said, it’s something I need to work on.

While I do experience moments of overwhelmingness, it’s not something that I experienced daily or constantly. I also do not think it’s something that is out of context given life events — completing a PhD program, working full-time, buying a new house and then losing my job (my husband also lost his job at the same time), training for a half marathon, dealing with chronic pain and bone spurs in my spine, getting pregnant (did not result in a baby) and then starting a new job, along with taking on several contracts for money. Not in that order but all within the last year.

These are just the major life events that don’t count for just day-to-day stuff. Even despite all of these things, I have managed to work through my depression and anxiety, taken care of my health and wellness, healthy eating, and doing my yoga and meditation. I still try to stay positive, but I do create my boundaries, especially around people who bring negative energy into my life.

This can mean communicating when I have a full workload and do not have capacity to take on more without shifting something off my plate at work or taking space from family members who have a habit of inducing negativity or drama into my life. I can accept that this can maybe come across as me being overwhelmed, but I am curious, is being overwhelmed a bad thing? What are ways to work on that? Do people not get overwhelmed? Is context not a part of being overwhelmed? And finally, what are ways that you handle not being overwhelmed? I accept the feedback and it’s something I want to work on, but I did not realize that it was a bad thing - and

lately it feels as if me being vulnerable is a bad thing. For clarity, I do not go around telling people that I’m overwhelmed constantly. So it’s definitely some behavior or something else that is showing them that.

36, F here and found out recently I’m pregnant. My husband and I have been CF for most of our marriage but through this process, I learned that he kind of want a kid. He isnt outwardly pressuring me to do it or anything but my mental health has drastically declined since thinking my abortion will lead to feelings of resentment from husband later on. The hormones are also messing me up so much - I dont feel like myself, I feel suffocated, I’m having panic attacks regularly, and I feel like I’m living in Gilead (even though it’s legal to get an abortion where I live). My point is that it feels like my world is ending and even though my appointment is scheduled, I feel like I’ll never get better mentally. I’ve had abortions before but having one at this age is messing me up because somehow the wrongful conditioning from society to have a baby at this age keeps entering my brain. i never had these thoughts before and I feel like the baby brain is warping everything. I feel alone and have no one I can openly talk to aside from my husband but even then I don’t feel like we are on the same page. he has no idea how I’m actually feeling which is that I feel like a crazy person.

I know this is not fully rational and that I’m in rage mode but I feel so angry at my husband for getting me pregnant even though I logically know it takes two to tango.

But we have been on the fence leaning no for a long time. before that, I was very much a solid no I dont want kids. We have ran thru a lot of hypothetical scenarios - having a kid, having no kids, or fostering, moving to different places around the world, etc. But, I have never fully committed to actively trying for a kid or wanting a kid. I have been pregnant before and have had many traumatic experiences with pregnancy/ abortion so something has always stopped me from really wanting to be pregnant.

For the last 15 years, I have been on the pill but had to stop last year when we both lost our health insurance and more so the fact that it caused my risk for clotting more and more the older I get due to my genetics. my doctor always didn’t want me on the pill, but I really did not want to get pregnant so I’ve just stayed on and took the risk. since then, we switched to the condom, we don’t have sex all the time so it’s fine, and I have always been the one to be diligent about it because I really don’t want to get pregnant. then two weeks ago, we ran out of condoms, my husband did it so fast and pulled out and immediately i said i hope you didn’t get me pregnant. he said it was fine and he didn’t and of course he was wrong and here i am a few weeks pregnant.

I just feel so angry.

I have had my own health issues that I have been battling with for the last two years, but especially this year with my spine that my doctor told me to talk to a neurosurgeon. I take medication to help me get through the really bad days because I don’t want to get spinal surgery. This year, I also was able to finally get medical Botox Which really helped alleviate some of the symptoms and pain. I’ve also been in physical therapy and see a pain specialist for this issue. My point is that it really takes over my life and is not small to me. now being pregnant, I’m reading that I can’t take the medication’s that I typically take, I can’t even take anti-inflammatories, and that I should not be doing Botox. I feel like a wreck because I was finally starting to feel like I could function again. I just graduated with my doctorate about a month ago, and I was so excited to finally rest and focus on my yoga and stretching and healing my body. I feel like now that has been taken away from me and I am in panic mode.

My husband on the other hand has completely flipped the script on the no child thing and wants to have the baby. it’s probably his last chance at being a dad - we are in our late 30s , if I choose to terminate, I will be doing everything in my power to never be in this situation again even if that means never having sex. I’m an HSP so touch is already something that I have to work hard at. Not to mention that I’m also an SA survivor and have gotten pregnant in the past by men who completely disregarded my wishes on protection.

that’s one aspect. another is that, we have zero support where we live as it’s 6 to 7 hours away from our families and we have no other friends who would help us out at all. I feel so anxious having to navigate this without my mom or sisters or girlfriends around. Eventually, this would require us to move back but we just bought a house last year , both got laid off so we are still trying to recoup everything we lost and I don’t think moving back is financially feasible right now.

before this happened my husband and I were in a good place and now everything has flipped apart. i’m really trying to focus on the positives of being a parent but Reddit is not helpful in that and everything that I read here seems to point to just ending pregnancy. i’m trying to imagine myself with a kid and the positives because I do like kids generally I’m wondering if my feelings will change as the pregnancy goes on but I also read a lot of regretful parent stories here. I’m wondering if I will think that this was all worth it at the end. Or if I will be grieving if I choose to terminate.

I guess I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Guidance? Support? Understanding From someone who’s been in something similar? Parents with health issues Who have given birth? Whatever you can offer, I appreciate. I feel so lost and I’m just so angry at my husband that I can’t even look at him. But maybe I’m just more angry at myself for being in this situation again.