u/akashaaemilia

been told i look very English lol

hype woman zoned

ST4T

started a new job and everyone else has been really cool and nice but there’s this dood there who’s nice to literally everyone else BUT me and I don’t understand it

I think I look visibly trans and feminine, I have a higher voice, I literally have been told I just look like a masc lesbian. apparently this guy is “mean to every man there” but he’s literally not

he’ll be super sweet and singsongy to cis guys there but when he talks to me it’s “why are you hovering? say excuse me like a normal person.” (I was hovering because ur being a cunt)

“don’t leave these dishes next time and do your job better.” (im on two separate stations right now and running between them while also trying not to go over on time)

“maybe tell me if you need help instead of sitting there and looking like you’re about to cry.” im not asking you because you’re fucking MEAN??

he’ll do all this then go in the back and blast Hamilton and hazbin hotel and dear even Hansen and then leave me the worst and dirtiest dishes to clean despite that being his job. it’s been so frustrating that even one of my cis female coworkers - a straight girl - finally just said “why are you being so rude to them?” and he played victim and tried shit talking me in front of me

mind you im in a management position ABOVE him but because he’s been here longer I can’t say literally anything

also his cis bf came in and referred to him as his gf which was really interesting but whatever

im 22 now and have worked in food service since I was 16 and dudes have been doing this for so long that ive been accustomed to it but a couple of friends are telling me its harassment now ??

am i just fucking stupid

been friends with this cis guy for a year or so now and I really enjoyed talking to him. we both like anthropology and archaeology, we live like an hour away from each other

hes bisexual and open ab it - and he’s not ever shied away from calling me pretty or talking ab his type at all

genuinely i fit the bill of what his type was to the point he remarked how funny he found it. he laughs at all my jokes, he jokes back, he calls me cute and sweet. couple days ago he asks me about my dating history after we talk and flirt for a few hours and i sheepishly tell him that I haven’t ever really dated anyone before. he’s confused because I’ve talked about other guys before and I tell him that I’ve had situationships, yes - but no man has ever wanted to take me on a date.

not even for coffee or dinner or anything. I’ve had sex over 15 times due to hyper sexuality and I’ve been on every dating app - nobodies ever wanted to or offered. I was treated as solely a sex symbol and some kind of fantasy or prize that had no real bearing in the world

he asks more and i tell him that almost every instance wasn’t entirely consensual and that i experienced prolonged and consistent CSA and became hypersexual, along with being even more hypersexual as a teenager into adulthood, and that i have CPTSD and I can’t even do basic sexual acts. he just says “ohhh.. wow im sorry” and then tells me he needs to leave. im stupid and kicking my feet because he called me pretty on the call and opened it with “your voice sounds so familiar to me..”

today I check and im not even blocked - im left on read twice, unfollowed, and blocked from his story. he let me follow him still. I apologize profusely if I had made him uncomfortable and he leaves me on read again. he finally texts me that he doesn’t “want to deal.. with all this.” and that his family are christians and he couldn’t be seen with me nor could he “put up with” my struggles around intimacy

i just feel fucking tainted. my entire life is shaped by bullshit that happened in childhood with no protection or guard rails or people who helped me through it and i made mistakes by becoming even more hypersexual in adulthood. the first man that ever touched me is never going to let me go or get out of me, im constantly going to live painted red and viewed as damaged goods