u/akooaman

like im desperately trying to spread even the slightest positivity and be motivational despite all of the bullshit and youre so comfy in ur depression that u refuse to take any advice and just assume im some sort of perfect passoid with no issues. i nearly ended myself multiple times these past couple months ok?? im NOT doing better than u. but u have to act despite ur feelings. really. i know its hard but we have to stay locked in; its the only way for us to reach a better life possibly. i understand how comforting it is to just accept ur beyond saving and get used to the suffering but i swear theres another way. this isnt "just go outside hon its all going to be ok". its not going to be ok. its going to be painful, and beautiful sometimes. if u have to do everything while crying whatever do it anyway

when ur gf threw all ur razor blades away and u cant find a damn knife cuz ur place is such a fucking mess

i've been developing a strange sensation lately, after a period of frequent and severe dysphoric crashouts. and i havent seen anyone mention something like this before.
basically parts of my body that just *looked wrong* before now feel like theyre literally not my body. u know the feeling whenever youve worn a watch or bracelet for ages and u take it off and it feels like its still there? well its kinda similar to that but the opposite.
for example someone will tap my shoulder and it will almost feel like theres a whole extension to it that wasnt there before. i can feel the contact but its not part of me somehow. almost like my brain didnt process the puberty i went through and is used to an alternate version of my body. sounds insane ik.
it just feels so wrong its hard to explain. anyone experienced this?

so im thinking of increasing my dose but i just had a random flashback of someone saying high E levels can actually be worse for hip growth. can anyone confirm or deny this? if its true, what is too high?

ive been honposting on here for a while but the truth is im actually a fucking passoid. i was too blinded by my dysphoria to realize, i dont get misgendered in public anymore.

yesterday my gf, who i was deeply jealous of - as you might know if youve seen my previous posts - was like 'you have to stop ur bullshit' and we measured our shoulders, hips, etc.
we are (pretty much)

built the same.

o_o

i think its gotten to a point where this subreddit has had a worse influence on my dysphoria than my mirror. i was presenting a biased vision of myself bc i was dysphoric, and the reponses i got just comforted me in my delusion. i gotta leave. not that im gonna be missed or anything, im aware no one cares really. but like maybe yall should consider doing the same? idk.
beneath all of the bullshit i think i can feel some good-hearted ppl here. i wish you all the best, and i hope i will never hear from any of you ever again.

so long troons

i cry every day. we love eachother and its torture

but idk if i can be myself bc of this hideous male body i have😪 im such a sneedhon