u/all_powerful_acorn

Just another thought that came to me. Not judging or anything like that, I’m simply curious about the statistics of this question.

So, I (29F) have avoided dating entirely, but now that I’ve identified myself as asexual for a while, I’ve built up the confidence to look for a romantic relationship. I personally have no physical attraction to men, women, or anyone in between, so I’ve become curious about how other asexuals feel about this.

So my question is, do you have romantic attraction to a specific gender? If you’re dating, what is the gender/sexual orientation of your partner? Finally, do you have certain preferences that influence your choice in companionship?

Again, these questions are not meant to be hurtful or judgmental. I’m just the kind of person who likes to ask weird questions and get a read on the breakdown of responses.

Tagging NSFW for mentions of self unaliving and mental health struggles.

I (29F) have never actually dated due to a number of reasons, which I will share here. Before getting into it, a bit of info. I was bullied relentlessly in middle/high school to the point that I now have PTSD and memory loss of all those years. The only event I can remember is a girl stabbing me in the knee with a pocket knife. Apparently depression can just wipe painful memories from your mind, which hasn’t helped me much since my brain wants to look for a definitive reason behind my current feelings and behaviors. I’ve also dealt with social anxiety, which was so bad at one point that I would only look at the ground and I was nonverbal. I’m a lot better now, I’ve been in therapy for years, but I figured it would be nice to talk about some experiences here.

When I was in college for my bachelors (so around the age of 19), a guy who I shared some school activities with asked me out. I figured it would be a good starting point into dating, so I said yes. Then nothing happened. No going out, no dinner, no movie, no activities outside of school, not even conversations or meeting up outside of classes or the campus cafeteria. I assumed he forgot or that my inexperience led me to interpret him wrong, so I moved on and forgot about it. He asked me out around September. In February, we were at an assembly, sitting with our activity group on some bleachers. He began to rub my arm, which I brushed off and told him not to touch me. After a bit, he then started rubbing my inner thigh and lower back, which because of my past experiences with bullying, caused me to freak out. I can’t handle people being behind me or touching me in more personal spots. I’m never comfortable unless my back is to a wall and I know where an exit is.

So, I freaked out and instincts kicked in, leading to me hitting him in the face and yelling at him to not touch me again. He looked angry, stating “I’m allowed to touch my girlfriend”. I replied with “then go touch her” and I got up and left. Later that night, I remembered him asking me out and realized we had both misinterpreted the situation. I texted him apologizing for hitting him and explained that I thought we had some miscommunication when he asked me out. I said that I didn’t consider us as a couple and that we both should have talked about it further. I apologized again, and said that after what happened, I wouldn’t be interested in a further relationship. He didn’t reply. Days later, some mutual friends in our activity group approached me saying that he was telling everyone that I was a cheating whore who played with his feelings. I explained the situation, which some believed, but others didn’t believe me and I started to feel ostracized. At the time, I lived in a dorm room with a roommate. Over the course of the rest of the semester, my roommate told me that she spotted him standing outside our dorm staring at our window. Seniors weren’t allowed to live in on-campus dorms, so I rented a house with a few girls for my senior year. These roommates caught him standing outside our house a few times too, but he toned it down the last semester and I haven’t heard from him since.

After that, I didn’t try dating all through my bachelors program. When I graduated, I figured I would try meeting people online since my first in-person dating attempt didn’t go well. At this point, I’m around 23-24ish. I chatted with a few guys, but I must not be conventionally attractive because I would be ghosted after sending a picture of myself. One guy did keep messaging me. After a week of texting, he requested a voice call, which I agreed to. The call was going well, both of us talking about our hobbies, but the end of the call had some red flags. He said that he had fallen in love with me (yes, after only a week), he had no one in his life, and if I ever stopped talking to him he would unalive himself. My first thought was that this is textbook manipulation, but I take thoughts of unaliving very seriously. I had attempted a few months prior to this, and my family has a serious history of it with at least one person unaliving themselves in each generation, with my uncle passing just a year ago. With me dealing with my own mental health, I messaged him that if he’s serious and truly feels this way, then I am not the person to help him since I’m dealing with my own struggles (you know, secure your own mask before helping others). I sent him some links to free mental health resources and local support groups, reported the conversation to the admins of the site to make sure someone was monitoring him, thanked him for the lovely conversations we did have, gave encouragement for his future endeavors, and blocked him. A month later, I get a message from another account stating that it’s him and that I’m an evil bitch for blocking him and that no one would ever love an ugly woman like me who treats men like trash. I blocked the new account, but to this day, every few months he makes a new account to further berate me.

Those were my 2 attempts at dating. These events combined with past bullying cause me to cut people off, leaving my with no friends and no social contact. I’m now 29, going to be 30 soon. I’m doing a lot better; I’m able to talk to people openly at work or in the gym, I started dressing the way I like (I call my style “subtle goth”), and I started new hobbies like powerlifting and sewing. This is the best I’ve been doing in my entire life, and I can’t wait to improve further and put myself out there to make new friends and possibly meet a future partner. I just wanted to share this to get these stories off my chest and to see if other people can relate. I put a lot of value on myself based on not dating. I’m sure everyone can relate with relatives nagging about you not having a partner. I’ve since realized that I’m asexual, or possibly demisexual, since I don’t experience physical attraction. I just want to end this by saying that dating and “being a virgin” are not things that should define your value as a person. Everyone is different and everyone has their own experiences. Judging people based on a few select metrics is unfair. It’s not for everyone. Just remember the old saying “you wouldn’t judge a fish based on its ability to climb a tree.” Again, I’m in therapy, working on my social anxiety and fear of putting myself out there again, especially since I realized I’m ace and not very open to physical contact. I plan to keep working on myself, and while it sucks that my first real dating experience hasn’t happened and most likely won’t until I’m in my 30s, I’m learning at my own pace. You wouldn’t judge someone for getting a degree or learning a new language later in life, so don’t judge yourself based on your personal growth and journey. Be kind to yourself, understanding to others, and don’t put value on BS societal expectations.

Just a random thought that came into my head recently. I was talking to a friend about clothing and she mentioned buying certain clothes specifically because her boyfriend liked an extremely feminine look, so even though it’s not the most comfortable, she wants to grow her boyfriend’s attraction to her. I personally (29F) don’t enjoy a lot of traditionally feminine clothing, and would prefer to wear a suit to a party instead of a cocktail dress. I was born female and identify as a woman, I just prefer comfort over aesthetics. I also stopped caring about other people’s opinions and started to dress in my own style which I have dubbed “subtle goth”.

My question is, without the influence of attraction, how do you express yourself through clothing? If you have a partner, do you dress to appeal to them?

(Not intending to be judgmental with this. Just curious to see if there’s a pattern to how ace people express themselves in a society that puts quite a bit of value on sex and intimacy)

I’ve been looking for a dress to attend some more formal events and started to look through Dracula Clothing’s selection. The first thing I notice is that the models are in the exact same pose, shadows aren’t lining up, and the clothing looks very flat in some images. I’m not a fan of brands photoshopping clothing onto models, but whatever, it’s pretty common now.

Then I start to notice that there are a lot of dresses with repeating patterns. I draw repeating patterns for fabric as a side hustle, so I like to think that I can spot AI patterns fairly well. I’m questioning the patterns on some of their dresses, but I could be wrong.

Finally, I started to notice that many of the dresses have one review. After looking through the reviews, they were all posted on 1/13/2026, they all use only a generic first name as the poster, and they all just say things from the product description like “this product has pockets! Wow!” or “this *full product title* is so comfy. The print is great”. These fake reviews are even popping up on products that have reviews.

Am I just approaching this with confirmation bias or is Dracula Clothing bloating their site with AI content? I don’t remember seeing stuff like this before, but it’s been a while since I’ve looked at their clothing, so I could be wrong.