Our infant daughter died back in February. It was a pretty traumatic experience for many reasons. While grief comes in waves almost daily, I feel the worst at Mass.
Has anyone else experienced this after a profound loss?
When I was a child, my favorite meal was sausage and black beans simmered in this sauce, served over rice. I remember the day I asked my dad to make it again and he told me they didn’t make it anymore. It was a sad, sad day.
I’ll admit that it was probably an objectively “fine” meal but my memory of it was 🤌🏼
I started running about 10 days ago. I’ve been working out at Burn Boot Camp for about 20 months and am in great shape, but always said “I’m not a runner.” Well, I tried again last week using the Nike Run Club app and was like…wait, I like this.
So three days later, I decided to start training for a half marathon using the NRC app program. And today, for the first time in my life, I ran a 5K straight through (besides 15 seconds to roll out my ankle about 2.25 miles in).
I even opened the one drawer to give a little more insight…
Sigh.
First picture is October 2020, one month before getting pregnant with my first. Pics 2-4 are from tonight. Pics 5-7 are my InBody scans from 3/28/25, 3/11/26, and 4/27/26.
I had a baby in Aug 2021, got in decent shape again but not with structured fitness/diet.
Then twins in May 2024. Started Burn Boot Camp 5-6 days/week and got (mostly) back to my pre-baby size besides some rib flare.
Got pregnant again May 2025, super active (working out 5-6 days/week) up until the day before I delivered.
I had my fourth on 1/25/26, she died 2/14. However, I started back at the gym on 3/1. I have been going 5-6 days a week, intermittent fasting, tracking protein and macros. Got into a serious car accident (was rear-ended - not my fault) 3/17 and had to take a week off. But since then I’ve been back to the same grind except not as intensely tracking macros. But I genuinely have a pretty solid gauge without weighing everything out exactly - I’ve done this weight loss thing a few times before. The most important part has been hitting protein, staying within my fasting window (using Dr. Mindy Pelz method for fasting), and eating at a deficit. So why do I look like this? What do I do? Is it because I’m not breastfeeding? Stress? How did my weight go UP over the month when I was actively trying to loose weight???? Granted, when I went to the doctor on 3/21 after the car accident, I was somehow up to 178. So maybe I gained 6 pounds in the 2 weeks and then spent a month getting them off again???
I understand people will probably be like “girl you have so much going on!” And it’s true. But I just want to feel good about myself again.
Sigh.
First picture is October 2020, one month before getting pregnant with my first. Pics 2-4 are from tonight. Pics 5-7 are my InBody scans from 3/28/25, 3/11/26, and 4/27/26.
I had a baby in Aug 2021, got in decent shape again but not with structured fitness/diet.
Then twins in May 2024. Started Burn Boot Camp 5-6 days/week and got (mostly) back to my pre-baby size besides some rib flare.
Got pregnant again May 2025, super active (working out 5-6 days/week) up until the day before I delivered.
I had my fourth on 1/25/26, she died 2/14. However, I started back at the gym on 3/1. I have been going 5-6 days a week, intermittent fasting, tracking protein and macros. Got into a serious car accident (was rear-ended - not my fault) 3/17 and had to take a week off. But since then I’ve been back to the same grind except not as intensely tracking macros. But I genuinely have a pretty solid gauge without weighing everything out exactly - I’ve done this weight loss thing a few times before. The most important part has been hitting protein, staying within my fasting window (using Dr. Mindy Pelz method for fasting), and eating at a deficit. So why do I look like this? What do I do? Is it because I’m not breastfeeding? Stress? How did my weight go UP over the month when I was actively trying to loose weight???? Granted, when I went to the doctor on 3/21 after the car accident, I was somehow up to 178. So maybe I gained 6 pounds in the 2 weeks and then spent a month getting them off again???
I understand people will probably be like “girl you have so much going on!” And it’s true. But I just want to feel good about myself again.