I twisted the part to unlock the filter and take off but how do you get the thing under that off? I can’t get the second part out to dump out the dirt. I can’t figure it out! Haven’t come across any solutions on youtube or reddit to show how to do it. Thanks
My ex (38 M) and I (34 F) recently broke up after 11 years together. We have a 4 year old child. Our relationship had deteriorated over the years but I held on because I wanted to keep my family together.
In 2020, he started changing and became more conservative/ pro Trump. It got worse when he became religious and started going to church every week and reading the bible every day.
Looking back I should have moved on earlier but I thought the best of him and that I could make them go back to how it used to be. I really liked his family and thought we were close. Now that I’m out of the relationship, I’ve realized how much abuse I tolerated.
He was never much involved with our child. He used to tell me it was too hard when he was young and would be more involved when he was older. He never paid for any pregnancy/ child expenses. I haven’t received child tax in several months because he hasn’t filed his taxes in a long time. He has his own business where he makes over $100/hr. He always used to fight with me to try and convince me to quit my job of 15 years because he would take care of us. But also he stopped regularly working because he would spend his day sleeping or reading the bible. So it was up to me to try and pay for all our bills. Some of the bills I didn’t know were outstanding because he says he covered them and I believed him but then I found out we were in tax sale for our house and calls that our hydro was going to be turned off due to nonpayment. And though I make a decent wage I cannot keep up on everything myself. He has never paid for any of my expenses or his child.
He would get mad at me for working and call me a feminist and that I only care about money because I was working. He became very traditional but also devalued women. Saying women don’t actually want to be able to vote. Or that if the wife doesn’t vote the same as the husband, they shouldn’t get a vote because they are cancelling out the mans wants.
Once my child and I are away for the weekend and came back to find he had puked inside the house hours earlier and never cleaned it up.. He got sick over some of our child’s things and I ended up throwing it out. I also ended up cleaning it up myself.. He went to bed because he said he was going to clean it up but not now that I was shaming him.. Our dog had also tracked it around the house. I had to give him a bath too because our dog had vomit on him. When our child went to daycare the next day he said my dad puked on my backpack this weekend!
There are so many incidents that were inappropriate that I forgave and tried to move on from.
At first I fought and thought I just needed to explain myself because he didn’t understand basic kindness and respect. Then I stopped trying to get him to understand and I would try and remove myself from the situation. Or sometimes I would just freeze and go along with things he was saying or doing to keep the peace because he was so volatile. It made my physically uncomfortable to pretend. Then I started doing everything to try and live up to his expectations but the goal lines kept changing. Nothing was ever good enough for him and it was exhausting to do all the parenting, household stuff, cooking, cleaning while working a full time job and driving an hour a day to work. When he wouldn’t get up until at least noon and could barely walk 100 ft across our yard to his workshop. Sometimes I’d get home from a day of work, after getting up at 6 am, and he hasn’t even done anything yet at 530 pm.
He also has a bad temper and raged and broke things. I would find things of mine broken in the trash and he’d never say anything. He would talk at you for hours. I’d want to do to sleep because I had to get up in the morning and he would still be talking.
He seemed normal and charming in public. He would help an elderly man cross the street. But he’d leave me to dig myself out of our driveway if I got stuck in the snow. (Unless there were people around then he’d be a good partner or a seemingly involved parent).
We ended up separating because in the end of March when he lost it and threatened to burn our house down. I was at work and didn’t realize anything was going on. He called his parents in a rage who called my brother in law (48) who works in law enforcement and told them to call the RCMP. So they did. Hours later RCMP showed up, calmed him down. They took all his guns as a safety precaution. Nothing else happened. Cops said they couldn’t do anything unless he actually burned it down. They surrounded our property with rifles. My ex was very mad and ranting about women and getting riled up at the debacle cops around. He said horrific things about me. He posted crazy rants on Snapchat saying crazy things about me. (Hours later in the middle of the night he said the incident had nothing to do with me and he loves me very much). Some of the things he said was “lord please take all my wealth and burn it. it’s the only way to get rid of this gold digging feminist non stop complaining abusive entitled fuck wad sorry excuse for a partner. I hate her and I’m probably going to hell.”
The cops said they were surprised because we weren’t even on their radar for things to escalate so quickly.
So I didn’t go home that day because his parents called me worried about our safety. So for 2 months my child and I were staying at his parents. I had no money to go elsewhere because I was the only paying bills even though I wasn’t in the house. I asked him multiple times to stay at his parents house while we figured out selling the house and he would refuse. So my son and I are kicked out of our house and living out of bags at his parents.
The brother in law texted me a nasty message to get out and that I have no bills so it should be easy to move on. He was the one who told my in laws to calls the cops. His son is planning to stay at the grandparents in 6 months. I never responded to the texts. About a week later, his kids (15F and 19M) sent me the same exact copied and pasted messages. I never responded because he has no idea what he is talking about.
My child and I would be homeless without my in laws. I think the siblings have an idea of what I’ve been through and it is undeniable after the police situation. They have not reached out to me to see if I’m ok. I saw them out once and they didn’t acknowledge me or say hi but had a huge hello and hug for my son who was standing next to me. It was my exs birthday a few weeks after the RCMP was there. The siblings sent a birthday card and said a message how mouth they loved him etc.
When my bil sent the nasty messages, they said not to tell my in laws. I did tell them and they were mad and disappointed. I broke down and told a friend what was going on and she had no idea. She immediately told me to stay with them. So my child and I have been living with her and her two kids.
My in laws were sad that we left. I know it wasn’t ideal or long term but they did like having us there for the most part. My child was very close with his grandparents. They had a good routine and bonded well. My in law said it was going to be so quiet without him and they’d have given him a bigger hug if they knew we were leaving. (My bil lives in a completely different house about an hour away).
So I am not allowing the bil, wife and children to be around my child. I think it was inappropriate and cruel for them to message me. Especially to get their children involved. It adds insult to injury when I was already abused by their brother.
They weren’t sending my ex any nasty messages like why are you not letting your wife and child stay in the house? Why aren’t you paying any bills or child support? Why aren’t you pulling your weight and working consistently?
TL:DR My relationship ended due to abuse and somehow my ex is the one living in the house (that I pay for though he is the “breadwinner”) and my child and I have unstable housing. My brother in law and his family harassed me with text messages telling me to get out of my in laws house and completely disregard the well being of my young son and I. They have not checked on me to see how I am after this traumatic situation and have inserted themself in an already hard situation. I am thinking of going no contact and ending the relationship between their bil family and my child and I because of their behaviour.
ETA: I own my house with my ex. My child and I left because he threatened me and to burn the house down. He has refused to leave. He also does not pay for anything or child support. I don’t get child tax because he hasn’t filed income tax in a few years. I am waiting on a lawyer.
My in laws own their own house and said I could stay with them. I left because my bil and his teenage children spammed me with messages saying to get out. Thankfully I had a friend I could stay with. My in laws were sad when I told them we left and said we always had a place there if we need.
I was asking if I was overreacting by cutting off bil and his family but now I don’t care. They are cruel because they didn’t send rude messages to their brother and were trying to kick me when I was already down. Why doesn’t anyone care why my ex is staying in our house, not paying bills because reading the bible is more important, and does not care that my child and I don’t have a place to stay in the interim?
My ex (38 M) and I (34 F) recently broke up after 11 years together. We have a 4 year old child. Our relationship had deteriorated over the years but I held on because I wanted to keep my family together.
In 2020, he started changing and became more conservative/ pro Trump. It got worse when he became religious and started going to church every week and reading the bible every day.
Looking back I should have moved on earlier but I thought the best of him and that I could make them go back to how it used to be. I really liked his family and thought we were close. Now that I’m out of the relationship, I’ve realized how much abuse I tolerated.
He was never much involved with our child. He used to tell me it was too hard when he was young and would be more involved when he was older. He never paid for any pregnancy/ child expenses. I haven’t received child tax in several months because he hasn’t filed his taxes in a long time. He has his own business where he makes over $100/hr. He always used to fight with me to try and convince me to quit my job of 15 years because he would take care of us. But also he stopped regularly working because he would spend his day sleeping or reading the bible. So it was up to me to try and pay for all our bills. Some of the bills I didn’t know were outstanding because he says he covered them and I believed him but then I found out we were in tax sale for our house and calls that our hydro was going to be turned off due to nonpayment. And though I make a decent wage I cannot keep up on everything myself. He has never paid for any of my expenses or his child.
He would get mad at me for working and call me a feminist and that I only care about money because I was working. He became very traditional but also devalued women. Saying women don’t actually want to be able to vote. Or that if the wife doesn’t vote the same as the husband, they shouldn’t get a vote because they are cancelling out the mans wants.
Once my child and I are away for the weekend and came back to find he had puked inside the house hours earlier and never cleaned it up.. He got sick over some of our child’s things and I ended up throwing it out. I also ended up cleaning it up myself.. He went to bed because he said he was going to clean it up but not now that I was shaming him.. Our dog had also tracked it around the house. I had to give him a bath too because our dog had vomit on him. When our child went to daycare the next day he said my dad puked on my backpack this weekend!
There are so many incidents that were inappropriate that I forgave and tried to move on from.
At first I fought and thought I just needed to explain myself because he didn’t understand basic kindness and respect. Then I stopped trying to get him to understand and I would try and remove myself from the situation. Or sometimes I would just freeze and go along with things he was saying or doing to keep the peace because he was so volatile. It made my physically uncomfortable to pretend. Then I started doing everything to try and live up to his expectations but the goal lines kept changing. Nothing was ever good enough for him and it was exhausting to do all the parenting, household stuff, cooking, cleaning while working a full time job and driving an hour a day to work. When he wouldn’t get up until at least noon and could barely walk 100 ft across our yard to his workshop. Sometimes I’d get home from a day of work, after getting up at 6 am, and he hasn’t even done anything yet at 530 pm.
He also has a bad temper and raged and broke things. I would find things of mine broken in the trash and he’d never say anything. He would talk at you for hours. I’d want to do to sleep because I had to get up in the morning and he would still be talking.
We ended up separating because in the end of March when he lost it and threatened to burn our house down. I was at work and didn’t realize anything was going on. He called his parents in a rage who called my brother in law (48) who works in law enforcement and told them to call the RCMP. So they did. Hours later RCMP showed up, calmed him down. They took all his guns as a safety precaution. Nothing else happened. Cops said they couldn’t do anything unless he actually burned it down. They surrounded our property with rifles. My ex was very mad and ranting about women and getting riled up at the debacle cops around. He said horrific things about me. He posted crazy rants on Snapchat saying crazy things about me. (Hours later in the middle of the night he said the incident had nothing to do with me and he loves me very much). Some of the things he said was “lord please take all my wealth and burn it. it’s the only way to get rid of this gold digging feminist non stop complaining abusive entitled fuck wad sorry excuse for a partner. I hate her and I’m probably going to hell.”
So I didn’t go home that day because his parents called me worried about our safety. So for 2 months my child and I were staying at his parents. I had no money to go elsewhere because I was the only paying bills even though I wasn’t in the house. I asked him multiple times to stay at his parents house while we figured out selling the house and he would refuse. So my son and I are kicked out of our house and living out of bags at his parents.
The brother in law texted me a nasty message to get out and that I have no bills so it should be easy to move on. He was the one who told my in laws to calls the cops. His son is planning to stay at the grandparents in 6 months. I never responded to the texts. About a week later, his kids (15F and 19M) sent me the same exact copied and pasted messages. I never responded because he has no idea what he is talking about.
My child and I would be homeless without my in laws. I think the siblings have an idea of what I’ve been through and it is undeniable after the police situation. They have not reached out to me to see if I’m ok. I saw them out once and they didn’t acknowledge me or say hi but had a huge hello and hug for my son who was standing next to me. It was my exs birthday a few weeks after the RCMP was there. The siblings sent a birthday card and said a message how mouth they loved him etc.
When my bil sent the nasty messages, they said not to tell my in laws. I did tell them and they were mad and disappointed. I broke down and told a friend what was going on and she had no idea. She immediately told me to stay with them. So my child and I have been living with her and her two kids.
My in laws were sad that we left. I know it wasn’t ideal or long term but they did like having us there for the most part. My child was very close with his grandparents. They had a good routine and bonded well. My in law said it was going to be so quiet without him and they’d have given him a bigger hug if they knew we were leaving. (My bil lives in a completely different house about an hour away).
So I am not allowing the bil, wife and children to be around my child. I think it was inappropriate and cruel for them to message me. Especially to get their children involved. It adds insult to injury when I was already abused by their brother.
They weren’t sending my ex any nasty messages like why are you not letting your wife and child stay in the house? Why aren’t you paying any bills or child support? Why aren’t you pulling your weight and working consistently?
TL:DR My relationship ended due to abuse and somehow my ex is the one living in the house (that I pay for though he is the “breadwinner”) and my child and I have unstable housing. My brother in law and his family harassed me with text messages telling me to get out of my in laws house and completely disregard the well being of my young son and I. They have not checked on me to see how I am after this traumatic situation and have inserted themself in an already hard situation. I am thinking of going no contact and ending the relationship between their bil family and my child and I because of their behaviour.
Can’t seem to add the text photos. Photos in comments.
I’m leaving an emotionally/ financially abusive relationship. I was told I was accepted under an agreement to pay with legal aid. I have to pay $700 upfront and then $100 monthly.
How do you know how much you may end up paying? How long do people make their monthly payments for? Or does it just depend on how large your bill is?
My ex has stopped paying bills and has never paid for our child together. We are far behind in bills and I am doing what I can to catch up on everything on my own. I haven’t received child tax in two years because he hasn’t filed his taxes. If he ever does file them I should receive a back payment, does this affect my legal aid status?
I’m looking for a lawyer to finalize a separation, custody, if I can force him to contribute to bills or force a sale of our house.
Any general advice would be helpful.