u/annimagus_08

I need some help regarding my situationship...

We met on discord. Started talking about 3-4 months ago... I am in europe he's in another continent entirely. I love him very dearly and I have told him so. He seems to have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, and he knows, but he puts a lot of effort into not becoming avoidant even tho he told me he had a very strong urge to (that was abt a month ago). He has a one year rule where he doesnt date someone/make it official. When I asked, he said he self imposed it for no particular reason, but now that we talked more/emotionally connected, I am guessing its because of the fear of getting hurt (past relationship trauma).

The thing is his very trauma now seems to be flipped on me now. You see, he has a fear of getting attached, because last time he didnt receive an ounce of what he gave in return. He's scared to lose himself again, as it was so bad it costed his mental health and nearly his life. He's still baffled to this day on how much effort I put, he's not used to receiving that much love from someone, he didn't even think it was possible. He told me to leave, there's better people, but I said I'll wait until he heals, we can go on this journey together etc.

In the beginning it was okay he didnt put that much effort/initiative, but as things progressed he started saying things like "I am yours and you’re mine" which made me very happy, and tbh we are like a couple without the label. However I feel like I dont see that side of him he claims he does when he loves. I kinda try to connect even tho we are far away, like wanting to call him, watch movie together on a stream, play a game, just do something even if it's virtual... but its always me asking. I feel like he's not used to distance, whereas my past relationship was also ldr. But even when I do ask, he's either busy or he straight up doesnt like it. Like today I asked him to download this app for friends and couples to do random activities and he did download it, but he didn't like the app. I tried to remain calm, and he said he would rather spend time with me, but thats literally not gonna be possible for about 1-2 years. He doesnt like watching movies, which is okay, and he also isnt really a gamer, but like I am trying so hard to find an activity we can do. And sometimes we do, he did watch a movie with me, he usualy says yes to calling but they never last as long as I would want to. I feel like the timedifference and maybe language also plays in this and its making it harder for us.

Dont get me wrong its not like he puts 0 effort... he asks me questions, reassures me, he clearly does put effort into talking to me even tho he's busy, and when he knows he'll be unavailable he tells me so. He comunicates his needs with me, which is great. He's really just such a sweetheart but this little thing does bother me, thing is I always tell him not to stress himself if he can't find the time, but on the other hand I kind of am always the one asking to call or do smth and he js... he says he can always tell me if I want smth and he'll do it, but still. I feel like the fact he's neurodivergent is not helping at all here he clearly has no ill intention and is processing things/he's definitely busy like even in the discord server with our friends he's not there as much because he's busy.

He DOES join when he can, but idk, I guess i am js venting here. Thing is its making me feel sad enough to try finding attention from my friends to distract myself from the fact its all so inbalanced. Like, he even said he'd make a website for me (One that generates compliments for me). Its been few months and I didn't get it yet, meanwhile i've drawn him in my sketchbook twice, written 2 poems, one rant, a whole birth chart analysis, and who knows what else i dont even remember.

Idk its like the fact we are so far apart makes it so hard to find something to do in common. He's more the typa person to want to go to places outside and have fun adventures which is why I like him because I feel the same, but as i've already been in a ldr, i know that it can be so lonely if you dont try finding ways to spend time together while being so far away, and he doesnt seem to feel the same way or notice at the least.

Today I asked him if he can maybe propose an idea to spend time toghether, he asked for example but I said he should do it and tell me for when that is. I didnt tell him the reason for that was because every time I ask he either busy or we do it, he enjoys the time together, but when I ask again he says he's not the biggest fan if said activity. Idk. Even when I ask can we facetime while working, we did it once few days ago but then his friend walked into the room and he had to leave or smth gets in the way and when I ask again he said he dowsnt rly do facetiming etc, he's more of a texter/real life hangout which I totally get but like... its not possible and I ely js wanna see him even if it's js a muted facecall while we both do our thing. When i vc with my dc friends we all ask him to join, like today we gamed and then we js listened to music together, and he replied to us that he had his own playlist with songs he wanted to losten to... like get the hint i js wanna spend time together TwT Idk... :(

He's REALLY bad at taking hints btw i was flirting with him in the most obvious way (like giving very specific compliments, hearts, dirty jokes, straight up saying I love you) and he thought i was being friendly ffs, until I had a serious talk with him. Thats why I think its complicated i dont think its a lack of interest he js takes things too literally or misinterprets them completely 🥹 and its not even that he tries to hide us he openly flirts with me infront of our friends and stuff like I AM CONVINCED its the distance and his lack of social cues 😭 in his past rlp he had to teach himself things (for example making compliments). I am thinking maybe I have to figure out how to tell him what I want without making him feel overwhelmed. Before ony of yall go "just comunicate", the issue is in my mind ik abt past issues and also ik he has a full plate of work already and I dont want him to feel like this is something in addition... i care abt his mental health but I also wish I received the same effort I put back... but ik i am bit over the top... i was js hoping we'd match as he said he's very over the top too in love so I got my hopes up...

Please help? I love him so so much and he is already attached aswell he even said I gave him some real hope and if this doesn't work out I'll be the last he ever tries with, and I dont wanna leave in the first place, but I am also js a bit bored all the time and its like i have to ask my gaming buddies or other ppl to spend more time with me even tho I had previously hoped i could use that to do smth with him.

Any suggestions on how I can comunicate my needs without overwhelming him knowing he has lots to do?

I need some help regarding my situationship...

We met on discord. Started talking about 3-4 months ago... I am in europe he's in another continent entirely. I love him very dearly and I have told him so. He seems to have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, and he knows, but he puts a lot of effort into not becoming avoidant even tho he told me he had a very strong urge to (that was abt a month ago). He has a one year rule where he doesnt date someone/make it official. When I asked, he said he self imposed it for no particular reason, but now that we talked more/emotionally connected, I am guessing its because of the fear of getting hurt (past relationship trauma).

The thing is his very trauma now seems to be flipped on me now. You see, he has a fear of getting attached, because last time he didnt receive an ounce of what he gave in return. He's scared to lose himself again, as it was so bad it costed his mental health and nearly his life. He's still baffled to this day on how much effort I put, he's not used to receiving that much love from someone, he didn't even think it was possible. He told me to leave, there's better people, but I said I'll wait until he heals, we can go on this journey together etc.

In the beginning it was okay he didnt put that much effort/initiative, but as things progressed he started saying things like "I am yours and you’re mine" which made me very happy, and tbh we are like a couple without the label. However I feel like I dont see that side of him he claims he does when he loves. I kinda try to connect even tho we are far away, like wanting to call him, watch movie together on a stream, play a game, just do something even if it's virtual... but its always me asking. I feel like he's not used to distance, whereas my past relationship was also ldr. But even when I do ask, he's either busy or he straight up doesnt like it. Like today I asked him to download this app for friends and couples to do random activities and he did download it, but he didn't like the app. I tried to remain calm, and he said he would rather spend time with me, but thats literally not gonna be possible for about 1-2 years. He doesnt like watching movies, which is okay, and he also isnt really a gamer, but like I am trying so hard to find an activity we can do. And sometimes we do, he did watch a movie with me, he usualy says yes to calling but they never last as long as I would want to. I feel like the timedifference and maybe language also plays in this and its making it harder for us.

Dont get me wrong its not like he puts 0 effort... he asks me questions, reassures me, he clearly does put effort into talking to me even tho he's busy, and when he knows he'll be unavailable he tells me so. He comunicates his needs with me, which is great. He's really just such a sweetheart but this little thing does bother me, thing is I always tell him not to stress himself if he can't find the time, but on the other hand I kind of am always the one asking to call or do smth and he js... he says he can always tell me if I want smth and he'll do it, but still. I feel like the fact he's neurodivergent is not helping at all here he clearly has no ill intention and is processing things/he's definitely busy like even in the discord server with our friends he's not there as much because he's busy.

He DOES join when he can, but idk, I guess i am js venting here. Thing is its making me feel sad enough to try finding attention from my friends to distract myself from the fact its all so inbalanced. Like, he even said he'd make a website for me (One that generates compliments for me). Its been few months and I didn't get it yet, meanwhile i've drawn him in my sketchbook twice, written 2 poems, one rant, a whole birth chart analysis, and who knows what else i dont even remember.

Idk its like the fact we are so far apart makes it so hard to find something to do in common. He's more the typa person to want to go to places outside and have fun adventures which is why I like him because I feel the same, but as i've already been in a ldr, i know that it can be so lonely if you dont try finding ways to spend time together while being so far away, and he doesnt seem to feel the same way or notice at the least.

Today I asked him if he can maybe propose an idea to spend time toghether, he asked for example but I said he should do it and tell me for when that is. I didnt tell him the reason for that was because every time I ask he either busy or we do it, he enjoys the time together, but when I ask again he says he's not the biggest fan if said activity. Idk. Even when I ask can we facetime while working, we did it once few days ago but then his friend walked into the room and he had to leave or smth gets in the way and when I ask again he said he dowsnt rly do facetiming etc, he's more of a texter/real life hangout which I totally get but like... its not possible and I ely js wanna see him even if it's js a muted facecall while we both do our thing. When i vc with my dc friends we all ask him to join, like today we gamed and then we js listened to music together, and he replied to us that he had his own playlist with songs he wanted to losten to... like get the hint i js wanna spend time together TwT Idk... :(

He's REALLY bad at taking hints btw i was flirting with him in the most obvious way (like giving very specific compliments, hearts, dirty jokes, straight up saying I love you) and he thought i was being friendly ffs, until I had a serious talk with him. Thats why I think its complicated i dont think its a lack of interest he js takes things too literally or misinterprets them completely 🥹 and its not even that he tries to hide us he openly flirts with me infront of our friends and stuff like I AM CONVINCED its the distance and his lack of social cues 😭 in his past rlp he had to teach himself things (for example making compliments). I am thinking maybe I have to figure out how to tell him what I want without making him feel overwhelmed. Before ony of yall go "just comunicate", the issue is in my mind ik abt past issues and also ik he has a full plate of work already and I dont want him to feel like this is something in addition... i care abt his mental health but I also wish I received the same effort I put back... but ik i am bit over the top... i was js hoping we'd match as he said he's very over the top too in love so I got my hopes up...

Please help? I love him so so much and he is already attached aswell he even said I gave him some real hope and if this doesn't work out I'll be the last he ever tries with, and I dont wanna leave in the first place, but I am also js a bit bored all the time and its like i have to ask my gaming buddies or other ppl to spend more time with me even tho I had previously hoped i could use that to do smth with him.

Any suggestions on how I can comunicate my needs without overwhelming him knowing he has lots to do?

It makes me so mad. The other day I was making a happy rant post about how much I like this one person and how I think I am falling in love, and some guy commented "How do I get a yandere gf?"

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Dude first of all, stop fetishizing yanderes, second of all wdym "get"? Like we're some sort of objects or toys for you to win and chase and like its an achievement?

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Please remember we're humans too, its okay to have preferences, but putting it like that just sounds like a fetish specifically for your fantasies, and not because you actually intend to take good care of the relationship and see her/him/them as a HUMAN.

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I sincerely also doubt any of them could even handle that obsessive love and would turn avoidant and run away the moment it gets serious.

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I have an ex who has a fetish of this sorts but broke up with me because I was "high maintenance", and then proceeded to go back to fetishizing goth girls, dominant girl or a "toxic mentally ill mommy", tomboys and femboys, and clingy obsessed girls aka yanderes. Like, you js broke up w someone because you couldnt handle it? You said I was too much? Too much what, talking, the gifts, too much what, love?

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So please dont ask these questions, instead, take a look at yourself, who are you, what do you truly want, what do YOU have to offer, do you even have the energy to have a devoted gf (or partner in general) or do you js want one to satisfy your needs and to feel less lonely and then proceed to ignore them, avoid them and not give anything in return?

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Either way just this fetish on its own is just weird because they see you as something to own rather than to love.

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Idk, I am sure someone will agree tho.

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Moon

I like the way your eyes glisten in your pictures, a faint glow, reflecting the light

So does the moon, reflecting the sun

It may be dark, and night

Dark like your hair, your eyes

Moon

Shining oh so bright, oh so wise

Its a faint glow, reflecting the light

So does the moon, reflecting the sun

And the moon, upside down than sun

Just like your pretty smile

Moon

Brilliant, is your mind

Creative, which I like

Like the ideas, they come at night

When the sun falls down and the moonlight embraces us all

Oh moon, why dont you embrace me, too?

Moon

Your mind

Is like the light

A delicate light

Hopeful, kind, peaceful and bright

Its not that kind that burns

Not the kind that you get burned into during the process

It is very slow, steady and light

Moon

Guide me through the night

Because when its dark outside

I need just a simmer of your light

To see the way lay before me

Let me call out your name, moon

And when I do, find me

Take my hand

We'll find a way together

Moon

I like your name

I really do

Its peaceful and soft

A soft tingling on my lips,

Not too loud

Yet you shine the brightest

amongst all the stars

You truly are

My moon

~☆🌕☆~

Pink.

I used to dislike pink.

I never wanted to be associated with that colour.

I used to dislike pink.

Because the colour pink means love.

I used to dislike pink.

Because I thought I would never love again.

Then I met you.

I still disliked pink.

But you were cute and kind.

I still disliked pink.

But you made me all warm and fuzzy.

I still disliked pink.

Until one day my cheek turned pink as I thought of you.

I started liking pink.

When I realised how good it feels.

I started liking pink.

When I saw your eyes glint.

I started liking pink.

When I found out its your favourite colour.

I like pink.

Put the colour on my lips.

I like pink.

Write your name in it.

I like pink.

Because it makes me think of you,

Pink.

🩷

He's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cutehe's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute he's so cute

Not just his looks, the way he acts, how he speaks, the tone of his voice, the way his eyes glint, the dimples on his face, his smile, his presence, the way he says "oh", the cute little obsessions he gets out of nowhere for a while, the things he likes, the way he takes pictures, his face, the wallpaper of his laptop, the way he looks so huggable and warm, the shy little laugh, the way he says yes and no, the way he's so relaxed, his golden brown skin and the matching eyes, the way he dressed, how his face lights up, how he can say the boldest things and then be flustered and shy at the same time, the way you can see he's so determined, ambitious, smart, witty, curious, kind, generous and respectful from the bottom of his heart, and i trust him with my heart mind and soul, i want to protect him at all costs and vice versa, just the two of us, he's so fricking adorable it makes me want to cry and I feel so helpless because he's so goddamn perfect.

he's so cute. I think I'm falling in love.

HOW do some people genuinely enjoy it.

I met this new guy and its only been like 3 WEEKS and one week in I was already going insane.

I kept saying "Oh it will go away this wont escalate" IT IS ESCALATING AND I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT OF MY DAMN SKULL, SMASH MY HEAD AGAINST A CONCRETE WALL, AND JUMP OFF A BUILDING INTO A RIVER TO DROWN

I do NOT like having a crush ITS EXHAUSTING

Like yeah at first they make you giggle but all of a sudden you start drawing them and then you cant contain yourself.

If they are busy you think its because they hate you and then you js immediately tell yourseld to move on before you end up spamming tf outta them for an ounce of attention HES JS BUSY WHICH IS GOOD IMO BUT MY ANXIOUS HEART CANT TAKE IT oh but hey today was pretty good cuz yesterday he said he wont reply/be active until tmrw cuz he has exams which I totally get and i am so proud if myself for not spiraling LIKE LAST WEEK AHHHHH but today i did end up somewhat overthinking and like js feeling super sad but I told myself its okay he'll be back tmrw...

Its been 4 weeks. 4 WEEKS! OF CHATTING!

I over here made him several drawings INCLUDING A REALISTIC WATERCOLOUR ONE, a birth chart ANALYSIS, yesterday I wrote the first poem and I've lowkey been stalking everything he does with my tarot cards LET ME OUT OF THIS HELL

I am at the stage where they start being the first and last thought of your day and slowly but surely he will occupy my mind more and more until thats all thats left.

Hell I am at the stage where I am so cooked because if he doesnt end up taking this seriously and if nothing really comes out of this I am gonna crash out so bad.

Hes soooo peaceful and calm and lovely and adorable and smart and BDJAGRKAHDKAVRJ and he said he takes like one year before dating someone which I totally understand and I agree because same stability and stuff and slow burn me likey likey, BUT IT IS AGONIZING NOT KNOWING IF THE MUTUAL INTEREST IS THERE like pls tell me WE WILL BE COMMITTED LIKE I am already chest deep in smth that is either the best thing ever happening to me or the worst thing EVER there is no inbetween and the second option is horryfing. I dont wanna end up devoting my entire heart mind and soul to someone only to end up being abandoned again. I know to love is to risk but its still scary. I am willing to take the risk... BUT I DONT LIKE UNCERTAINTY

I've gone through my first heartbreak in january (breakup) and i thought i was not gonna make it (attempted ykw twice) but luckily i survived and forced my ahh to move on BUT NOW THIS IS HAPPENING AND I HATE IT. LET ME BREATHE. PLEASE. OMFG.

Does anyone have suggestions how to tone this down and turn more secure 😭 I wanna improve and be able to not freak out and js be confident in my energy and prioritise myself I rly need to its getting out of hand. Thank you.

Heya! My cards arrived yesterday, I already tried practicing yesterday. I'd love to do some more ^^

Please keep in mind this is only my second day, so I may not be as good or accurate yet!

I have never tried spreads but I like to shuffle them and see which ones fall out ^^

My energy runs out tho after a specific amount of questions, I noticed yesterday, but I didn't count them, so I also need this to see where are my limits.

(do I need intials and country or not? I've seen others doing that)

I might reply late because I am at school, sorry TwT

Thank you! 😛

(I'll edit the post if there's too many people and I gotta limit it!)

Edit: Hi everyone I just got home and there is around 40 people asking for a reading 😭 I'll do them all but it might take a few days! As in for anyone new stumbling across this post, it is now closed, I will focus on the 40 people who asked me today. Thank you all! Please understand if this takes a while, i'll try my best!