I have so many friends Im popular and have a loving family but I still feel extremely lonely and empty people think that everything I do is a joke because Im so goofy I dont know how to talk about my feelings so I kinda just ignore them I hate touching people who I dont trust but at the same time Im extremely touch starved And I wish someone would just cuddle me but I cant
Im a walking contradiction its insane
Mitski mitski mitski
Just dont leave me alone wondering where you are
I've liked my guy bsf for 5 years when I started liking him he liked my best friend so I supported them and shipped them and only wanted to see them happy I hid my feelings for 4 years and only confessed like a year ago and I regret confessing so much because now he teases me on it and thats something I find attractive (when a guy teases you) and it sucks because I can never have him sometimes hes teasing me and I forget he isnt mine it breaks my heart knowing he never will be but then a few months ago he randomly said he liked me and started discussing dating and I felt a weird sense of dread like impending doom??? The next day he said he didn't actually like me and that I'm not his type that telling me he did was a mistake so obviously I was upset and we fought but then we made up. I still like him and I absolutely hate it I wish I had never told him all those years ago this wasn't the first time he told a girl he liked her and then decided it wasn't a good match but I guess it hurt more because I'd liked him for such a long time I don't know if this means I'm inlove with him either but my life is starting to sound like mitski and tv girl mushed together and I don't know what to do I'm constantly thinking of him and I always want to talk but I stop myself cuz I don't wanna be annoying we talking every few days because I moved country I can't get myself to like anyone else and its pissing me off any tips to get rid of my feelings for him I'm a yearner guys not an earner he isnt even all that great hes kinda a jerk but its almost like I accept his flaws? Ive always been a man hater but I think if he stabbed me Ill still like him Im that far down the rabbit hole
Ps: Im into alot of forms of art and its gotten to the point where I draw him and if not him his favorite character who I know now how to draw with my eyes closed (literally Ive tested it) I wrote poems Ive wrote songs Im reaching uncharted territory here I really hope he doesn't see this post
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I accidentally clicker trained myself.
Context: I live in a different country to a guy I like he's my best friend so we talk quite often and multiple times a week I use a different account to talk to him and hes the only one I talk to on that account I accidentally clicker trained myself to be put into a good mood whenever I see the account name has anyone pulled something like this before let me know because I feel like a big fat idiot and Im stupidly inlove with him we aren't dating btw so this is soooo awkward
Ps: its not seeing his messages its seeing my own account that I use to talk to him this is a repost btw!
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I accidentally clicker trained myself.
Context: I live in a different country to a guy I like he's my best friend so we talk quite often and multiple times a week I use a different account to talk to him and hes the only one I talk to on that account I accidentally clicker trained myself to be put into a good mood whenever I see the account name has anyone pulled something like this before let me know because I feel like a big fat idiot and Im stupidly inlove with him we aren't dating btw so this is soooo awkward
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE REDUCE MITSKI TO SAD GIRL MUSIC ITS DEEPER PLEASEEEEE 💔💔
Mitski made 13 year old me want to shoot herself in the head same now guys if Im happy I listen to mitski and if im sad I listen to mitski I relate to her songs soooo much just kms fr 😂 this isnt a vent post I just love mitski
I'm angry. The type of angry that rushes through your veins boiling your blood. The angry that bristles your bones making your head feel light, you feel young again as heat rises in your chest but immediately rains to your hands. Violet, innocent, Violent. Anger cuts off my throat my heart aches but for what? My throat is already closing up. I am, angry. Why can't I stop feeling? My life has been controlled by an urge to hurt myself as the doors close my brain won't shut up why am I here for? I am done. Violence.
Would you sooth the anger that rises or would you fuel my flame? The flame I can't seem to ride for injustice is the biggest sin in my eyes. I am angry by the world, the world who sees violence and lets it be. But who am I? Who am I but a civilian to watch? The anger boils in my blood the anger that kept me alive through my heart break then ,fury that veiled my sorrowful existence as I gazed through the cold nights alone. Alone. Forever alone. The icy cold washed over my helpless state bringing a flame never seen before to guide me . To become my brittle support before it became my curse. My anger was my passion now it brings an ache into my heart brushing past the love I had for all turning it into an ugly entity designed to destroy anything that tried to see the depths of my soul. I hate being. Anger , again and again, I watch my locks fall into the sink. I watch my life drift apart and I am angry. Nauseating spite fills me from the top full of hatred towards the man that made me this way. The man that angered my soul beyond redemption. Im ruined by the hatred I see my vision is blinded by a deep crimson. Im angry again. Why? I'm tired so tired so so so so tired life goes on and leaves you behind, angry. Smile for the life you have now , leave the anger behind ,the mask of adornment slips off one by one as society deems you too aggressive too vulgar. Violence. Keep the disgusting disguise on for the family that left you to die in a pit. Alone, so alone. Keep the bow over your eyes for the government who let you suffer for the sake of their fortune. Keep the mask on for your friends who pretend to care about your affections. Keep your head on for yourself. Death is permanent. How appealing, a permanent solution for a life so sour. Can't you breath in this toxic air? Anger rushes into my heart again so sick, so dreadful, so alive.
Pleaseeee give criticism I need it 😋
Guys don't ask I'm an art kid and I was sad soooooo poem yall can name it
I paint and paint and pain. longing to capture the depths of my heart onto broken wood. Forgotten. Brushes stroke the cancer , the optimism lost . Deep blues spread across the destruction.the painter, never the muse. A earthy smell chases me as I sprint across the field giggling as I was tackled by his deep cologne. The world spins. Souls smile , cracks. Hands connect as the souls find eachother again, lost of another life time, the old house. I stare into the abyss forevermore of the indigo star sprinkled skies. your smile remains a delicate memory held together by hope . I yearn to remember your face. I paint. The irony isn't lost . Emptiness of my, our , their, home. Strokes fill the canvas ,precious. Strokes fill the hole; deep ,precise ,cunning ,hateful. Who are you? A broken canvas gazes back torn and stabbed. Yearning. Longing. Love. Love? I paint the forgotten smile my vision is polluted. Love? I put you on the throne of Legacy , throne of my love. I feel my body destroyed by a painted picture of my imagination. Take my seat on the artist's chair, paint over the soul and eyes you see before you . heads turn to the paint infront of them innocent and pure, white. I feel the burn spread down my throat painting my organs pure for you. White paint is toxic to my polluted organs. into pink mixing with the blood that pumps only for you, but my blood is not clean enough for you. I apologize for the way I was born , the blood I pump can never be as iridescent and white .A gentle smile . The rage the ringing of bells? My ears? Ringing. Pain. I paint and paint to see the wrinkling lines of your smile ,my smile. Sat in the artistic chair, painting and painting and pain. Convulsions. You colonize the deep ivory chair that made my blood red. Stained as the artist chair and strokes the same as before. Finally the muse. Sparks my love.The dark amber of passionate fire in my eyes is the last of me cherish it. My corpse rots with the smell of grass.