u/armaastus

i like my roommate a lot as a person. however, i have contamination OCD and she is incredibly hard to live with. i have to travel a lot for work so i am not always at our apartment, but whenever i come back dishes will be overflowing in the sink, trash won’t be taken out so the apartment smells, food splattered all over the stove, etc. she also tends to borrow my things without asking and will often break them or get them dirty. i have confronted her numerous times. so there is not a lack of communication, she just goes “oh sorry i have ADHD i genuinely do not notice.”

i also have been diagnosed with BPD so realistically i should know how to approach this but i do not. i never know how to go about people FPing me. she is very sensitive and i am afraid she will abuse drugs or selfharm when i tell her. i told her awhile back that i did not plan on ditching her as a roommate but this is because i felt as if she would get into a bad roommate situation if i did (knowing her history). i decided i can no longer put up with this, as responsible for her as i may feel. can anyone suggest a soft but firm approach for this? is there any way i can make it seem like i’m not abandoning her?