u/author_rapper_poet

Ever find yourself missing someone who was never actually yours?

It’s a strange, lingering sort of grief—missing someone you only knew in fragments. Maybe it was just a few conversations or a connection that felt like it was leading somewhere, but then life moved on. When that happens, we aren't just mourning the person; we’re mourning the potential of what we imagined for them.

I think a lot of this comes down to how we attach ourselves to people. We build these small, internal worlds around the "what-ifs," and when they don't materialize, we’re left holding onto a version of someone that never really existed in reality. It’s a quiet, private attachment that’s hard to talk about because it feels almost irrational to miss someone you barely knew.

I’ve been exploring these kinds of unspoken feelings in my writing lately—the things we carry in the background of our daily lives that we never quite find the words for.

I’m reaching a breaking point and honestly, I don't know who else to talk to.

It feels like a sick joke at this point. Whenever I study hard, prepare well, and actually go into an exam feeling confident—either the paper gets leaked, the exam gets cancelled, or some technical disaster happens.

And then there’s the other side of the coin: the exams that actually do happen, I end up missing the cutoff by 0.4 or 0.5 marks. That tiny margin is starting to feel like a wall I can never climb.

I’m constantly questioning myself now. Is it a lack of capability? Am I just not cut out for this? Or is it just a streak of terrible luck that won’t end?

​"Sometimes I feel like I actively search for reasons to be unhappy. Even when things are going well in my life, my mind automatically drifts to the things that are already wrong. As soon as one problem ends, I find myself looking for the next one. It feels like my mind has become uncomfortable with peace.

​At times, I tell myself I’m just being 'realistic,' but I realize now that I might just be conditioned to focus only on the negative. I’ve come to understand that unhappiness isn’t always about having actual problems; sometimes, we get so deeply stuck in 'survival mode' that even when happiness arrives, we ignore it. Perhaps the real struggle isn't with my life itself, but with the lens through which I choose to see it."

"Sometimes I feel like I actively search for reasons to be unhappy. Even when things are going well in my life, my mind automatically drifts to the things that are already wrong. As soon as one problem ends, I find myself looking for the next one. It feels like my mind has become uncomfortable with peace.

At times, I tell myself I’m just being 'realistic,' but I realize now that I might just be conditioned to focus only on the negative. I’ve come to understand that unhappiness isn’t always about having actual problems; sometimes, we get so deeply stuck in 'survival mode' that even when happiness arrives, we ignore it. Perhaps the real struggle isn't with my life itself, but with the lens through which I choose to see it."

When I hear news about someone’s death, it doesn’t really affect me. It’s not that I don't care at all—if something like that happens, I do stop, I try to process it, and I acknowledge it. But after that, I just go back to my day as if nothing happened.

​I feel like I should be feeling more. I should have stronger emotions; I should be more affected. But many times, I’m just not. I find myself wondering where my empathy has gone.

​Am I becoming emotionally numb? I’ve noticed that when I hear about a death, I spend less time thinking about the person who passed away and more time thinking about myself—specifically, why I’m not feeling anything and why everything seems to return to "normal" for me so quickly.

​My biggest fear is that I’m losing the ability to feel these things altogether. Is it normal to move on this quickly, or am I truly becoming disconnected?

When I hear news about someone’s death, it doesn’t really affect me. It’s not that I don't care at all—if something like that happens, I do stop, I try to process it, and I acknowledge it. But after that, I just go back to my day as if nothing happened.

I feel like I should be feeling more. I should have stronger emotions; I should be more affected. But many times, I’m just not. I find myself wondering where my empathy has gone.

Am I becoming emotionally numb? I’ve noticed that when I hear about a death, I spend less time thinking about the person who passed away and more time thinking about myself—specifically, why I’m not feeling anything and why everything seems to return to "normal" for me so quickly.

My biggest fear is that I’m losing the ability to feel these things altogether. Is it normal to move on this quickly, or am I truly becoming disconnected?

Today I was singing on the street in front of about twenty people. They were cheering, smiling, and enjoying the performance.

Then a thought hit me: in a few hours, they'll go home and probably forget me.

That's when I realized they weren't cheering for me. They were cheering for the passion I was expressing through my music.

Has anyone else ever had a realization like this?

I’m at a major crossroads. I’ve spent the last year prepping for govt exams and am consistently scoring well—I missed the cutoff for my last two railway exams by less than 1.5 marks.

​The issue? My heart isn't in it. I don't want a govt career; I want to pursue an MBA.

​I’m terrified of "wasting" the last year of progress, even though I know the syllabus is similar (just with more DI). Is it worth grinding for a job I don't want just because I'm "close," or should I rip the band-aid off and start prepping for the MBA?

​Has anyone here been in a similar spot? I’d love to hear how you decided between the "safe" near-guaranteed path and what you actually want to do.

I’m at a major crossroads. I’ve spent the last year prepping for govt exams and am consistently scoring well—I missed the cutoff for my last two railway exams by less than 1.5 marks.

The issue? My heart isn't in it. I don't want a govt career; I want to pursue an MBA.

I’m terrified of "wasting" the last year of progress, even though I know the syllabus is similar (just with more DI). Is it worth grinding for a job I don't want just because I'm "close," or should I rip the band-aid off and start prepping for the MBA?

Has anyone here been in a similar spot? I’d love to hear how you decided between the "safe" near-guaranteed path and what you actually want to do.

I’m at a major crossroads. I’ve spent the last year prepping for govt exams and am consistently scoring well—I missed the cutoff for my last two railway exams by less than 1.5 marks.

The issue? My heart isn't in it. I don't want a govt career; I want to pursue an MBA.

I’m terrified of "wasting" the last year of progress, even though I know the syllabus is similar (just with more DI). Is it worth grinding for a job I don't want just because I'm "close," or should I rip the band-aid off and start prepping for the MBA?

Has anyone here been in a similar spot? I’d love to hear how you decided between the "safe" near-guaranteed path and what you actually want to do.

I’m at a major crossroads. I’ve spent the last year prepping for govt exams and am consistently scoring well—I missed the cutoff for my last two railway exams by less than 1.5 marks.

The issue? My heart isn't in it. I don't want a govt career; I want to pursue an MBA.

I’m terrified of "wasting" the last year of progress, even though I know the syllabus is similar (just with more DI). Is it worth grinding for a job I don't want just because I'm "close," or should I rip the band-aid off and start prepping for the MBA?

Has anyone here been in a similar spot? I’d love to hear how you decided between the "safe" near-guaranteed path and what you actually want to do.