when i was born i had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck i wish it ch*k*d and k*ll*d me so i wouldn’t have to live life as a “girl” i never even identified as a girl like ever i never wanted feminine shit forced on me as a kid i always tried to fight it off i hate this bullshit
i’ll never be a real boy. i’ll never experience the things i should have. i’ll forever be stuck with having a “girl childhood”. i’ll forever be stuck with baby photos of me in pink blankets and “princess” written all over it. i’ll forever have these pathetic delicate bones and small shoulders but big fat wide hips i cant even cut down because its all bone. i’ll never be able to just throw on whatever i want without worrying if it highlights my chest or shows off my hips. i’ll forever be a female. i have nothing, not even my own body.
I HATEMY HIPS I FUCKING HATE MY HIPS I WANT TO OPEN MY SKIN AND JUST SNAP OFF THE EDGES OF MY FUCKING PELVIS MAKING MY HIPS SO WIDE I FUCKING HATE
not only because of dysphoria but because it causes too much problems. I bleed EVERYWHERE. I was on the toilet and suddenly the bowl and floor near it? COVERED in blood. the bottom of my foot? making bloody footprints on my floor
but im probably just going to be put on some progesterone treatment instead of having my menstruation stopped entirely this sucks. its a fucking lose lose situation. so much dysphoria, so much blood, so much discomfort, and the treatment i actually WANT for it (no period) will not happen.
i found comfort in the fact most of my hip was just made out of fat until i felt the bone under it and it still jutted out right past my waist
someone get me an iliac crest reduction NOW before i fucking die i hate this
before i get into this do not refer to me as a girl or a woman. I am transsexual, unable to do much due to family. Not out either.
it feels like when people say “girls mature faster” to justify older guys with suspiciously younger girls. Im not an “adult woman”. I don’t want to be an adult. I don’t even want to be a woman (or girl). Just let me be a child god fucking damnit.
i really hate being vulnerable i prefer to be angry when venting/ranting so i might delete this later but this account is anonymous so fuck it
But i really want to be seen for as a little boy who went through trauma rather than a girl who went through trauma. its a weird kind of dysphoria. I don’t want to be a “girl victim”, i want to be a “boy victim”. I feel really alone in this feeling, I haven’t been able to find anyone else who relates. I know some people definitely do though
i probably worded this really bad
i don’t want children. i hate babies. i hate toddlers. yes. HATE. so why are my hips growing outward? why is my chest growing? why do i have a cycle? my body is wasting energy on developing these. fuck this.
okay so you know how binders can deform your ribcage and stuff. im gonna do that with my hips so they deform and squeeze in. im gonna make a really tight compressing fabric thing and keep it around my hips all day every day. i cant deal with these fucking wide ass hips anymore. i know it might be more difficult since the pelvis is a bigger/denser bone but it WILL happen
fuck this bs
im so scared that after i transition fully and go completely stealth some people are gonna manage to dig up photos of me pre transition or my parents are gonna constantly post photos of me as a kid pre transition and link it to me (i can see that as something they’d do. theyre very transphobic.) and people are gonna find that and know im trans and not cis and then theyll just see me as a girl who wants to be a boy and not just a boy
how do i get over this ??
since im thinking about hair… what makes a haircut masculine? don’t say “its short” please i know that. im asking because no matter what I try i still look like a girl.
Maybe because whenever I go for a haircut my fuckass mum comes along and says “keep it girly” no i don’t want something girly
also i want to get really short layers at the top but no hairdresser wants to do it since i have curly hair 😐 fml
ok my haircut is mostly like androgynous but i have sides that stick out and like curl up and make it look more feminine how can i stick them down…
without cutting them off im too nervous to cut my own hair
also it like puffs out at the back too and it looks so much more masculine when i push it down to stick against my head more how can i fix it in place like that
i’ve seen a few people on various social media sites say that some food can lower estrogen… now im wondering if i incorporate those foods into what i eat daily will it actually have effects on my body that matter? (no matter how small, just enough to be worth incorporating)
I fucking WISH this was a phase or some “brainwashing” i could escape. Its pain. it hurt all of my childhood. Ive felt this way ever since I could think. Before I had access to the internet. Before anyone in my life talked about being trans. I have felt this way forever really, theres no getting out of it.
I want to talk to my mum about my dad being really creepy and commenting on my body ever since I started puberty and talking about me “being able to get pregnant” and it feels so fucking predatory to me and it makes me feel extremely unsafe and I want to talk to her about it but I feel like shes just going to defend my dad. pls idk what 2 do. I don’t think hes actually going to do anything to me but it makes me super uncomfortable.
(transsexual he/him. parents r bigoted so im not out)
not only do i have boobs and hips from female puberty, but now my canines are dainty feminine and round because they got rounded out when i got my attachments removed. Now to get them back i’ll need to do composite bonding and i’ll be fake all around. why cant I just have a body which belongs to me without needing a bunch of procedures????
i actually hate this why do i have dysphoria about EVERYTHING even my fucking teeth
I don’t know if this needs a warning but this talks about the physical/verbal harm of others stay safe 👍
im short tempered, extremely violent and i always physically harmed my peers when i was very young. I know this was bad * but it gives me euphoria since boys and men are mostly less empathetic..????? i don’t know i feel like it shouldn’t.
Also by the way i am not antisocial since that diagnosis can only be given to people 18 or above. I am and have been considering the possibility of conduct disorder though.
* (i don’t physically harm people anymore but i still have that lack of empathy/remorse and intense impulses and may take it out verbally instead. im currently in therapy for it, since i have not gotten treatment for this when i was younger and tbh i still dont have treatment specifically for this its just general psychotherapy, i may not truly get rid of it i’ll just have to learn how to manage it.)
I’ve been thinking of telling my Latin teacher im trans because we’re like close? he still treats me equally to the other students of course but me and a few other students have inside jokes with him and eachother we laugh about etc because we all share an interest in classics and such
so i trust him a lot and i want to tell him im trans cus i feel like he’d prioritise my safety from my bigot ass parents
the question is should i… i live in the UK and i’ve heard of teachers outing students to their transphobic parents and sometimes its REQUIRED to do apparently so. idk if its just fear mongering or real.
i don’t really know what flair to use for this sorry
i did yesterday and i got 32.6 (inches) real boys dont have hips that wide im gonna be stuck as a girl forever
moral of the story try not to measure your hips unless you want an intense shot of dysphoria.
edit: before you say “thats so narrow mine are ___” im 14 at the time of posting this so theyre only gonna get wider.🫠