u/beef_and_broccori

I've wrestled with depression and suicidal thoughts for 20 plus years but I continue to put a foot in front of the other.

I feel in the past that I've seen and heard God working in my life but for whatever reason that's dried up. I pray intensely, I pray flippantly, I pray often, but things don't seem to change. I feel filled with frustration and a lack of desire. Even what I used to dream about doing for pure leisure no longer has any appeal.

I want love, joy, peace, patience... But I don't see them growing in my life. I fear that God isn't working in my life.

I find myself tempted by nihilism. And at the same time I feel like my faith is dying on the vine.

I have no idea what God is trying to teach me right now, but it is a long lesson and I feel like I have no testimony.

My needs are all met but I despise my life. I don't know how to be grateful without feeling totally fake.

Where is God?

I hate porn, but I am drawn to it every 2-3 weeks and for some reason can't seem to shake the habit when urges to come up.

Has anyone else struggled in a similar way where they use infrequently but it keeps happening? What helped you kick it for good?

The sub is flooded with posts by people wanting advice on the discs they carry (bag check).

Can the mods help out with a dedicated day of the week for these posts or something?