u/behemotCat

I recently replayed this game. It's probably one of my favourites of all time. A special game to me. I have a hard time thinking of it as a particularly good game. I'm not really fond of the combat. Or RTwP in general. The combat is... Passable. There is something satisfying in it. Its punchy enough. I think with this playthrough, I started with turn-based and went back to RTwP because I just couldn't with how many enounters there were, I grew fonder of the combat. It's fine.

The systems are okay. Stacking rules still suck. I like how all attributes are useful. I could make my character based on an idea. I could make a character I wanted to roleplay. An intelligent, perceptive wizard with a great strength of personality. The face, in short. He worked great. He was still good in combat. I made him a spellblade type of character because that's a archetype I love. A wizard who uses spells to make himself a worse fighter. But when you need to, you can throw out a fireball out there. It works, and I appreciate it. I wish I could conjure my big ass sword instead of a pike but it's fine. I wish I could add elemental properties to my sword with magic, but hey, I can't have everything and Arcane Knight is a thing in Deadfire so.. It's in the future.

So why is this game my favourite of all time? I think I finally realised it this playthrough. I played the same character that I did all the way back when I first played the game. I was a wizard, a philosopher. Driven away by religious extremists. Questioning everything.

Defining my past life, the interactions with Thaos and Iovara, the story was the same as it was back then. My family abandoned me. I was in love with Iovara and she with me. I betrayed her. Not because I doubted her, but because I resented her.

Why I love this game was that moment where I conversed with Iovara. Where that first conversation with Calisca came back. As Iovara reveals that the gods are not real, due to my background as a philosopher, a nihilistic one as that, having faced persecution by the religious exclaims: "I KNEW IT".

The path I took can't have been unique to me. In that moment however the character of the Watcher was ripped free from the hands of the writers at Obsidian Entertainment. The Watcher was no longer theirs, but mine. That story, that path through dialogue choices birthed in my mind a character that was mine. A headcanon, where the haunting past had affected him even before the Awakening. A tragic lovestory. Because my character now, in this life.. His tragedy was that he now loved Iovara, more than he ever did when they had lived in the same time.

That story worked because it became personal. It spoke to me because it touched themes I was thinking at the time. The writing creating something that was mine however is what really made it special. I don't think that's something easy to accomplish. I credit PoE for reigniting a passion for gaming. It did. It helped me in a time I was heavily struggling.

I'm still struggling and for a moment it helped me once more. I replayed that story, in a way that I've done before. I didn't take advantage of the medium, I didn't explore a different way of doing things. It doesn't really matter, I think. Because that story is mine and at times I want to experience it again.

I went into this, thinking I might write something about the systems, BG3 and something else, about RPGs, immersion and reactivity. I might do that some day. It became a bit more personal but so it goes.

Spoilers for the first game obviously.

I recently replayed this game. It's probably one of my favourites of all time. A special game to me. I have a hard time thinking of it as a particularly good game. I'm not really fond of the combat. Or RTwP in general. The combat is... Passable. There is something satisfying in it. Its punchy enough. I think with this playthrough, I started with turn-based and went back to RTwP because I just couldn't with how many enounters there were, I grew fonder of the combat. It's fine.

The systems are okay. Stacking rules still suck. I like how all attributes are useful. I could make my character based on an idea. I could make a character I wanted to roleplay. An intelligent, perceptive wizard with a great strength of personality. The face, in short. He worked great. He was still good in combat. I made him a spellblade type of character because that's a archetype I love. A wizard who uses spells to make himself a worse fighter. But when you need to, you can throw out a fireball out there. It works, and I appreciate it. I wish I could conjure my big ass sword instead of a pike but it's fine. I wish I could add elemental properties to my sword with magic, but hey, I can't have everything and Arcane Knight is a thing in Deadfire so.. It's in the future.

So why is this game my favourite of all time? I think I finally realised it this playthrough. I played the same character that I did all the way back when I first played the game. I was a wizard, a philosopher. Driven away by religious extremists. Questioning everything.

Defining my past life, the interactions with Thaos and Iovara, the story was the same as it was back then. My family abandoned me. I was in love with Iovara and she with me. I betrayed her. Not because I doubted her, but because I resented her.

Why I love this game was that moment where I conversed with Iovara. Where that first conversation with Calisca came back. As Iovara reveals that the gods are not real, due to my background as a philosopher, a nihilistic one as that, having faced persecution by the religious exclaims: "I KNEW IT".

The path I took can't have been unique to me. In that moment however the character of the Watcher was ripped free from the hands of the writers at Obsidian Entertainment. The Watcher was no longer theirs, but mine. That story, that path through dialogue choices birthed in my mind a character that was mine. A headcanon, where the haunting past had affected him even before the Awakening. A tragic lovestory. Because my character now, in this life.. His tragedy was that he now loved Iovara, more than he ever did when they had lived in the same time.

That story worked because it became personal. It spoke to me because it touched themes I was thinking at the time. The writing creating something that was mine however is what really made it special. I don't think that's something easy to accomplish. I credit PoE for reigniting a passion for gaming. It did. It helped me in a time I was heavily struggling.

I'm still struggling and for a moment it helped me once more. I replayed that story, in a way that I've done before. I didn't take advantage of the medium, I didn't explore a different way of doing things. It doesn't really matter, I think. Because that story is mine and at times I want to experience it again.

I went into this, thinking I might write something about the systems, BG3 and something else, about RPGs, immersion and reactivity. I might do that some day. It became a bit more personal but so it goes.

​

I recently replayed this game. It's probably one of my favourites of all time. A special game to me. I have a hard time thinking of it as a particularly good game. I'm not really fond of the combat. Or RTwP in general. The combat is... Passable. There is something satisfying in it. Its punchy enough. I think with this playthrough, I started with turn-based and went back to RTwP because I just couldn't with how many enounters there were, I grew fonder of the combat. It's fine.

The systems are okay. Stacking rules still suck. I like how all attributes are useful. I could make my character based on an idea. I could make a character I wanted to roleplay. An intelligent, perceptive wizard with a great strength of personality. The face, in short. He worked great. He was still good in combat. I made him a spellblade type of character because that's a archetype I love. A wizard who uses spells to make himself a worse fighter. But when you need to, you can throw out a fireball out there. It works, and I appreciate it. I wish I could conjure my big ass sword instead of a pike but it's fine. I wish I could add elemental properties to my sword with magic, but hey, I can't have everything and Arcane Knight is a thing in Deadfire so.. It's in the future.

So why is this game my favourite of all time? I think I finally realised it this playthrough. I played the same character that I did all the way back when I first played the game. I was a wizard, a philosopher. Driven away by religious extremists. Questioning everything.

Defining my past life, the interactions with Thaos and Iovara, the story was the same as it was back then. My family abandoned me. I was in love with Iovara and she with me. I betrayed her. Not because I doubted her, but because I resented her.

Why I love this game was that moment where I conversed with Iovara. Where that first conversation with Calisca came back. As Iovara reveals that the gods are not real, due to my background as a philosopher, a nihilistic one as that, having faced persecution by the religious exclaims: "I KNEW IT".

The path I took can't have been unique to me. In that moment however the character of the Watcher was ripped free from the hands of the writers at Obsidian Entertainment. The Watcher was no longer theirs, but mine. That story, that path through dialogue choices birthed in my mind a character that was mine. A headcanon, where the haunting past had affected him even before the Awakening. A tragic lovestory. Because my character now, in this life.. His tragedy was that he now loved Iovara, more than he ever did when they had lived in the same time.

That story worked because it became personal. It spoke to me because it touched themes I was thinking at the time. The writing creating something that was mine however is what really made it special. I don't think that's something easy to accomplish. I credit PoE for reigniting a passion for gaming. It did. It helped me in a time I was heavily struggling.

I'm still struggling and for a moment it helped me once more. I replayed that story, in a way that I've done before. I didn't take advantage of the medium, I didn't explore a different way of doing things. It doesn't really matter, I think. Because that story is mine and at times I want to experience it again.

I went into this, thinking I might write something about the systems, BG3 and something else, about RPGs, immersion and reactivity. I might do that some day. It became a bit more personal but so it goes.

Got into an accident. Broke some bones, needed surgeries. Horrible things right? A lot of pain and so forth.

Not for me. I'm now back at home and honestly... It was the best time of my life, being in a hospital. I didn't really care about the pain or anything. I wonder if the opiates had something to do with it, but for my stay there, I was happy, for the first time in my life.

I had several nights where I didn't even wake up wishing I was dead, and so forth.

I miss it.

Background: I went to therapy tor 3 years maybe 6 years ago, I can't remember anymore. For depression, it didn't really do much for me. I mostly felt more depressed afterwards. Therapy ended, therapist was happy so I was happy too I guess.

Fast forward a few years, I end up in a hospital because of depression, the psychiatrist insists I go into therapy. Well, it was the only treatment offered to me. It was either therapy or nothing so I found a new therapist. I've been going twice a week for 2 years now. My depression has gotten worse again. Therapist is happy that it's working, and we are tackling my problems.

I however don't really understand that. I'm getting worse and worse. I don't even really understand how this is supposed to help me. People close to me tell me it's so great I'm getting help and seem confused as my depression just deepens.

I don't know. I think I might just be too stupid for this? Is that a thing?