u/berryniceday

The scene of Kleines husband helping her wash her uniform was so sweet. Love seeing a DCC husband be supportive.

I’m having a hard time dealing with how my family (and even some of my friends) and handing my choices as an untraditional bride. For some context, I am slightly alternative (the only one in the family with tattoos and a nose ring) and I’m outwardly progressive. Neither my family nor my fiancées family are really either. We’re also the first ones in the family on either side to have a secular ceremony. A lot of our choices around our wedding have been met with questioning, confusion, silent judgement, or even passive aggression.

I didn’t want a wedding to begin with, mostly because I didn’t know what a wedding would look like for us because the traditional kind wasn’t it. There is nothing wrong with traditional weddings, this is not shade, it just doesn’t feel like me or my finance!

Here are some things we’re doing differently:

- we didn’t want a bridal party. It’s a 60 person wedding and we wanted to keep things simple and easy.
- we’re walking down the aisle together. People think this is insane.
- I’ve asked my mom to do a speech instead of my dad because she likes this kind of stuff. She scoffed then laughed, saying this is done by the dad. I told her who cares??
- no parent dances. I don’t have a relationship with my parents that would make me want to do this. My fiancée is neutral on the matter and is fine not doing this too.
- no sweetheart table. We want to sit with our friends
- we’re waking up together
- no first look or hiding away from each other. Logistically, it works better for us to arrive at the venue together.
- fiancée has seen my dress already
- I’m doing my own hair and makeup. This has caused drama because other women want makeup and I didn’t know until late, now I’m trying to book something a month out for them.
- no bouquet toss (common now)
- no garter toss (also common now)

We feel confident in all of our choices. My fiancee and I are not a huge fans of a lot of wedding traditions. They just don’t really hold any value to us. As a result, people are confused and being quietly judgemental. I’ve felt misunderstood my whole life by my family, and wedding planning has brought out this sore spot for me. Even though people are saying they are excited (which I know is true) I can’t help but feel judged. I’m starting to gaslight myself into thinking these “weird” choices are wrong because they’re not what other people want for me.

Best case scenario, I hope guests chalk up these choices to “oh that’s just the bride and groom!” as people already label us as being “free spirited” or “weird in a fun way” lol.

Edit: spelling