u/bestest_kitto

So here's what happened today that gave me the absolute ick and is making me question if I want to stay in the relationship with my bf of one year.

My bf was telling me how his dad has been missing his airpods for sometime and that he finally tracked it's location and figured that it was stolen by a construction worker who came to their house for some renovations around the same time the airpods went missing. His dad was furious when he figured this out and is going to go to the construction worker's home tomorrow to "teach him a lesson" for stealing from him. What shocked me was how my bf was talking about all of this, with glee and excitement. He also mentioned how he'd love to go with his dad to see the whole thing unfold. Now I agree stealing is bad but keep in mind we're from South Asia where classism and casteism is rampant and the construction worker is probably not just gonna get reprimanded for stealing but slapped and humiliated and fired from his job. I was absolutely shocked to see how my bf thought this was like a fun spectacle.

I have always noticed the lack of intellectual compatibility in us in terms of the depth of our conversations but this the first time I noticed how his lack of thinking created a difference in our values. I told him that I was shocked in how fun he thought all of this is. He couldn't understand why and we had a whole discussion about it. He seemed to understand towards the end but still maintained that someone who steals should face consequences. I'll be very honest here, thieves should face consequences, but again in the Indian context, construction workers and other blue collars workers are paid so poorly and treated so badly (due to casteism), I can't help but feel that the social injustice atleast to some extent causes the stealing and it's not just a moral failure. My bf isn't able to understand that.

I'm beyond disappointed. Is this silly to end a perfectly good relationship over? Ik him well enough to say with confidence that he isn't cruel and he just hasn't thought about these things deeply enough and if perhaps we have some discussions about it he may see things differently. However, it doesn't change the fact that I have lost respect for him for what he said today. Also idk if i want to become a teacher to my partner to make him understand concepts of social injustice and stuff. Can this be repaired? Should this be repaired? I am unsure.

Thoughts.

32F and have been happily single for almost 4 years. I am unsure about entering the AM market but I'm struggling to understand how else I can have companionship for the rest of my life. I have never been desperate for romantic love and have had a very fulfilling life in terms of career, travel, and hobbies. Unfortunately I have a very tumultuous relationship with my parents and have no other family I am close to, but I was blessed with very very close girlfriends, so I was never lonely. This changed a few years back after my friends started getting married and some of them had kids, so understandably their priorities changed.

I have come to realise that at this stage in my life I have no one I can truly depend on. I was sick for a week last month with very high fever and had no one by my side. My parents are in another city and anyway I'd rather not have them, they bring no comfort to me. My friends called me everyday to check up on me but no one really stayed by my side in person. Again I completely understand because they have other priorities.

As much as I want to be a strong independent woman, I am realising I need community and can't do it all alone. Also realising how fucked I am because I have no close family and the friends I depended on as my found family have now different priorities.

I feel very lost about where to go from here and after having been happily single for 4 years, I am thinking of entering the dating/AM market again.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/osZmDqOaJa

TLDR of original post: friend from my hometown had to come to my city for an interview. I agreed to let her stay at my place for 2 weeks because she also wanted to travel and do some sightseeing, halfway through her stay, the lack of personal space started driving me nuts and I was wondering if it would be okay to ask her to leave earlier.

UPDATE:
I rode it out and stuck to my original commitment of letting her stay until the 16th. She's supposed to move out today at 1pm to an Airbnb to stay with her boyfriend for a week. It's currently 12:30 and she hasn't even gotten out of bed.

Anyhoo, yesterday night we were talking and she admitted that she had been staying for two weeks because she wanted to spend time with her bf. Yet he hasn't made the effort to visit even once in all of the two weeks she's been staying with me because he's been busy with work. After I said I can't do an extension (she asked if i can let her stay until the end of the month), she has made plans to get an Airbnb with her bf for the next week. She flies home next Saturday.

I felt very annoyed after realising that I was just a free place to stay all this time. She extended her stay one extra week and booked an Airbnb for her bf and her to stay which she's paying for by herself. Yesterday she kept mentioning how she doesn't have enough money to rent the Airbnb for an entire week and might have to borrow money or dip into her savings. She mentioned it often enough that I thought she was expecting some help or advice from me. I honestly told her I have no money to help. She ultimately decided to borrow and use her savings.

Also feeling a bit pissed because she never pitched in for any groceries (wasn't expected but would've been appreciated) but is willing to go to spend so much to be with her bf. She hasn't even paid back yet for any of our outings and has promised that she'll pay me over time. I don't even recognise my friend.

FINAL UPDATE: She has packed and called an uber.

One of my childhood friends had to come to my city for an interview. She also wanted to travel around so she wanted to stay for around 2 weeks and I agreed to let her stay at my flat. Initially the plan was for her to stay from 3rd to 16th. After coming here she really doesn't wanna go back to her home because she really likes it here. She asked if she can stay until the 18th and then her plan is to get an Airbnb with her bf and stay with him for another week.

Ik I agreed to everything but it has become unbearable which i didn't expect before. I never knew 2 weeks can feel this long. I live in a tiny 1 bhk and I'm a big homebody/introvert and i really really need my alone time. My friend is always at home so I haven't gotten alone time since she came to stay with me. I have been so irritable and exhausted. I feel like I haven't been able to switch off also. It has come to a point where i almost had a panic attack yesterday.

She is supposed to leave on the 18th which is just 4 days away now but i really really can't anymore. I feel like I'll go crazy. I hate to do this but should I just tell her to leave earlier??

One of my childhood friends had to come to my city for an interview. She also wanted to travel around so she wanted to stay for around 2 weeks and I agreed to let her stay at my flat. Initially the plan was for her to stay from 3rd to 16th. After coming here she really doesn't wanna go back to her home because she really likes it here. She asked if she can stay until the 18th and then her plan is to get an Airbnb with her bf and stay with him for another week.

Ik I agreed to everything but it has become unbearable which i didn't expect before. I never knew 2 weeks can feel this long. I live in a tiny 1 bhk and I'm a big homebody/introvert and i really really need my alone time. My friend is always at home so I haven't gotten alone time since she came to stay with me. I have been so irritable and exhausted. I feel like I haven't been able to switch off also. It has come to a point where i almost had a panic attack yesterday.

She is supposed to leave on the 18th which is just 4 days away now but i really really can't anymore. I feel like I'll go crazy. I hate to do this but should I just tell her to leave earlier??

My boyfriend '23M' and I '23F' have been together for a year. We used to have a major issue with sharing and buying things. Like for me, I love sharing food and things and everything else in a relationship. Whenever I would buy something I'd get one for myself and for him, even if it was something like ice cream, or snacks etc. Basically I'd always think of him whenever I was getting something. For the majority of our relationship he'd never do this. He'd only buy me gifts on anniversaries and birthdays but none of these random small gestures. Whenever he got snacks or takeout he'd want to enjoy it just for himself.

I would keep bringing this up and now finally past two months he has started doing the same where when he's buying snacks or any other small thing he'll also get some for me.

Today we were talking and this thing got brought up. Idr how it started but I was telling him just how much I like sharing things in a relationship and it seemed like he didn't. He argued that he's doing better now but that I don't appreciate him and not only that I have now stopped being as generous (which btw is true because I'm not over giving anymore). When he said I didn't appreciate him I immediately started saying that no of course not, I have been noticing it and I do appreciate him changing his behaviour. But after sometime I realised that wtf this much anyone should do in a relationship and it's not something that he deserves praise for. In fact he should have been doing it from the start. And I actually told him that. He got upset and went home lol.

As a former people pleaser I have been trying to stand up for myself and also raise my standards of what I expect from people. Ofc when he got upset I started doubting myself. Any thoughts on this?

My boyfriend and I used to have a major issue with sharing and buying things. Like for me, I love sharing food and things and everything else in a relationship. Whenever I would buy something I'd get one for myself and for him, even if it was something like ice cream, or snacks etc. Basically I'd always think of him whenever I was getting something. For the majority of our relationship he'd never do this. He'd only buy me gifts on anniversaries and birthdays but none of these random small gestures. Whenever he got snacks or takeout he'd want to enjoy it just for himself.

I would keep bringing this up and now finally past two months he has started doing the same where when he's buying snacks or any other small thing he'll also get some for me.

Today we were talking and this thing got brought up. Idr how it started but I was telling him just how much I like sharing things in a relationship and it seemed like he didn't. He argued that he's doing better now but that I don't appreciate him and not only that I have now stopped being as generous (which btw is true because I'm not over giving anymore). When he said I didn't appreciate him I immediately started saying that no of course not, I have been noticing it and I do appreciate him changing his behaviour. But after sometime I realised that wtf this much anyone should do in a relationship and it's not something that he deserves praise for. In fact he should have been doing it from the start. And I actually told him that. He got upset and went home lol.

As a former people pleaser I have been trying to stand up for myself and also raise my standards of what I expect from people. Ofc when he got upset I started doubting myself. Any thoughts on this?

I live in a standalone building with no generator and every single time it rains the power goes out. It doesn't even have to be a storm, just regular rain is enough. This problem has started recently and was not a problem before. I doubt the landlord will help by getting a generator, is there any authorities I can contact to get this issue sorted?

The power goes out for like 4+ hours always. I can't do anything at all, can't even work because even the cell towers go off when it rains so hotspot doesn't work. What can I do? 😭

Hey all, I'm 26F. I did the whole PCM in 12th and then did Computer Science Engineering in college, I currently work as a Program Manager at a FAANG company. On paper I've done really well for myself but I am miserable. I have hated science and tech since the beginning. I have just kept pushing myself somehow to get through college and work and now here I am with nothing but tech related skills on my resume feeling very stuck and helpless about where to go from here.

I can't do this anymore because I wake up everyday and hate my job. I don't even feel competent. I so dearly wish I had taken humanities in 11th and then studied English Lit or Psychology or something. I want to pivot to something that's non-tech but don't know where to go from here. Is MBA the only option? I think I'm most drawn to like pure humanities related field but that would be too drastic of a shift and i don't have the courage to start from scratch (plus my family depends on me financially). Any advice?

I really feel like adopting a cat. A lot of people I have discussed this with have warned me this is not a good idea given my circumstances but I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm 22F, I work in corporate and make around 60k (mentioning this as I'm wondering if this is enough income to raise a cat). I live in a 1 bhk alone. I have never had pets before and only interacted with strays. I have 3 days wfo but otherwise a pretty flexible schedule.

Things I'm worried about

1. Is my income enough to raise a cat?

2. I'm inexperienced and I live alone but will the learning curve be too difficult to manage?

3. When I go to work will my cat feel lonely?

Everyone is telling me to wait until I'm settled, ie, have a high paying job and know which city I'll be making my permanent address, but all of this prolly won't happen until I'm 30. I want to build a loving family consisting of me and a cat and i don't want to wait until I'm 30.

Please tell me what should I do?

I feel jealous. I was just asking my boyfriend of 10 months what kind of girl is his ideal type. He was hesitant because I might not like his answer because it's nothing like me. I am already aware of that because we have both known from the start that our tastes are different in everything and tbf he's not what I'm usually attracted to either. Anyway so he said that he likes artistic girls, and gave examples like someone who owns a bakery or does pottery etc etc.

Guess who runs a pottery workshop? His ex. I felt very jealous and a little nettled because I also like art and I used to draw a lot. But his ex is more into like van gogh style of abstract art and i always liked cutesy anime manga style art which is what I did. He has seen my art stuff and has been appreciative but never thrilled. I also know he's not into anime and things like that. I feel very bad and jealous.

Btw he has only ever mentioned his ex and never given me any other details. I only know that she runs a pottery workshop because I looked her up online and stalked her account.

But the point is wtf I want to be admired by my partner yk? Like there's lots of things I'm into and I'm good at but ig he's just never admired them. Idk lol.

I feel jealous. I was just asking my boyfriend what kind of girl is his ideal type. He was hesitant because I might not like his answer because it's nothing like me. I am already aware of that because we have both known from the start that our tastes are different in everything and tbf he's not what I'm usually attracted to either. Anyway so he said that he likes artistic girls, and gave examples like someone who owns a bakery or does pottery etc etc.

Guess who runs a pottery workshop? His ex. I felt very jealous and a little nettled because I also like art and I used to draw a lot. But his ex is more into like van gogh style of abstract art and i always liked cutesy anime manga style art which is what I did. He has seen my art stuff and has been appreciative but never thrilled. I also know he's not into anime and things like that. I feel very bad and jealous.

Btw he has only ever mentioned his ex and never given me any other details. I only know that she runs a pottery workshop because I looked her up online and stalked her account.

But the point is wtf I want to be admired by my partner yk? Like there's lots of things I'm into and I'm good at but ig he's just never admired them. Idk lol.