u/betdy

Hey guys, this was my first Ap so i’m not familiar with the timeline associated with score release day. At what time can expect to see my score?

I feel like now that my scars are fading my whole experience was invalid. I have like one scar left. In a weird way i kind of liked them, like it was a reminder of how bad things got for me sometimes. Now it feels like that isn’t valid and i feel weird even being in this reddit or talking about it because there’s no proof now…? Is this normal? Why is this happening?

Okay, before i get any comments talking about how i must be from alabama, i was pretty sure at the time that my mom and step dad were getting a divorce. My mom had confessed to me one night that she wasn’t happy in the relationship anymore and i know she’s a cereal cheater so i just assumed it was done and over with. Still definitely not right but im trying to give yall where i was at with it. Also, i literally had only seen him one time before all this and we didn’t talk at all so it isn’t like we grew up tg.

He has a rough home life and there for lives w my step grandma part time. One day i walked in there to visit her and after i left he told my step grandma that he thought i was really cute and that he wanted my number. My mom gave it to her for him and the rest was all down hill

Now i want you guys to know before i say all of this that im not some kind of monster. I was fresh out of a really rough break up at this point and i feel like had i not been i would have NEVER done this. Needless to say i carry a lot of guilt for even doing this but i want to get it off my chest.

I invited him over for new years because i don’t have any friends at my moms ( im with her for maybe a month out of the year ) I figured it would be fun to have someone to hang out with, and it was! We had a snowball fight and made snow angles. He pushed me around in a shopping cart and we laughed so hard our belly’s hurt. And the worst part of it all was that whole time I wanted him to kiss me. We got inside after everything, dried off and layed down on opposite sides of the couch to watch the ball drop. But after the ball drop everyone left the living room and we kinda met in the middle of the couch. At first we were just like….cuddling? Laying on each other and scrolling on our phones. But at the time i was talking to my guy best friend about how i really wanted a new years kiss. I guess he saw that because he leaned over and kissed me. It definitely wasn’t one sided either. We kept going after that. We moved to the floor and were making out and he was grabbing my boobs and stuff. I didn’t let it go any further but i think that part of me wanted to. I knew that i shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. I let him fall asleep in my arms when we were done which was a big thing for him because he’d never been able to do that with a girl, and then i dropped him off at home before i caught a flight back home at like 5 in the morning. The whole flight i was thinking about him and what we had done.

When i got back home I realized how bad i fucked up and sat with that for a while and eventually ghosted him. But he still asks my mom about me occasionally and he tries to reach out sometimes (im in a very happy relationship now and wouldn’t change it for the world) Apparently I really hurt him, and i feel so awful about that. Like, I want to reach out and say sorry for that but i don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.

Anyways, im at my moms again and im really beating myself up for being stupid enough to let that happen. Is there anything i can do to feel better about it? Please help.

Okay, before i get any comments talking about how i must be from alabama, i was pretty sure at the time that my mom and step dad were getting a divorce. My mom had confessed to me one night that she wasn’t happy in the relationship anymore and i know she’s a cereal cheater so i just assumed it was done and over with. Still definitely not right but im trying to give yall where i was at with it.

He has a rough home life and there for lives w my step grandma part time. One day i walked in there to visit her and after i left he told my step grandma that he thought i was really cute and that he wanted my number. My mom gave it to her for him and the rest was all down hill

Now i want you guys to know before i say all of this that im not some kind of monster. I was fresh out of a really rough break up at this point and i feel like had i not been i would have NEVER done this. Needless to say i carry a lot of guilt for even doing this but i want to get it off my chest.

I invited him over for new years because i don’t have any friends at my moms ( im with her for maybe a month out of the year ) I figured it would be fun to have someone to hang out with, and it was! We had a snowball fight and made snow angles. He pushed me around in a shopping cart and we laughed so hard our belly’s hurt. And the worst part of it all was that whole time I wanted him to kiss me. We got inside after everything, dried off and layed down on opposite sides of the couch to watch the ball drop. But after the ball drop everyone left the living room and we kinda met in the middle of the couch. At first we were just like….cuddling? Laying on each other and scrolling on our phones. But at the time i was talking to my guy best friend about how i really wanted a new years kiss. I guess he saw that because he leaned over and kissed me. It definitely wasn’t one sided either. We kept going after that. We moved to the floor and were making out and he was grabbing my boobs and stuff. I didn’t let it go any further but i think that part of me wanted to. I knew that i shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. I let him fall asleep in my arms when we were done which was a big thing for him because he’d never been able to do that with a girl, and then i dropped him off at home before i caught a flight back home at like 5 in the morning. The whole flight i was thinking about him and what we had done.

When i got back home I realized how bad i fucked up and sat with that for a while and eventually ghosted him. But he still asks my mom about me occasionally and he tries to reach out sometimes (im in a very happy relationship now and wouldn’t change it for the world) Apparently I really hurt him. So anyways, im at my moms again and im really beating myself up for being stupid enough to let that happen. Am I gross for this? Please help.

For context i’m 15 now, so i’d have to wait at least till december to get this tattoo but ive been holding on to this idea for well over 2 years. Idk how many of you have read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath but it’s literally my favorite book of all time.

So for background on this tattoo before i tell you what it is so it makes sense, there’s a part of the book where the main character is imagining her life branching out before her like a fig tree. She sits at the bottom of it and all of the figs on this fig tree are different paths of life. Eventually because she can’t pick one fig they start to rot and fall to the ground.

I really resonate with that idea a lot and for that reason i really want to get a tatto on my inner forearm that says “Don’t let your figs rot”. My question is though is that like dumb and niche? Like i don’t want to have to explain it all the time, I just want it there as a reminder of all the beautiful meanings of that part of the story.