u/bozosalesman

I’m tired of having OCD. I feel crazy, and I feel like no one understands me. Especially with struggling with scrupulosity. It’s so specific and I feel like I cannot escape it. I don’t know if anyone else reading this also deals with occasional ‘flashing images’ in their mind of horrendous stuff too. That doesn’t help at all. I already want to be in a close relationship with Jesus Christ, and struggle with feeling like I fail Him, and then I’m trying to shower and satanic imagery keeps flashing in my mind. I REBUKE IT IN JESUS NAME ITS SO HORRID. I try to thank God for this anyways, it draws me closer to Him by calling on His name all the time and to remind me pray to Him. It also allows me to understand why I need to depend on Him. I just want rest, I hate Satan I hate that I struggle with this, and I hate that I have to hide it too. My parents don’t even know about the fact that I’ve been sneaking to a Christian therapist who specializes with OCD every Friday. I just feel so crazy, I feel so alone. Maybe this is too much to share to random people on the internet but I don’t want to go to run to AI for an answer. I’m sorry.

I got involved with a house church group full of radical believers in Christ Jesus, I to this day still believe in Christ, but this group tore me up. At first it was just very radical people praising the Lord and worshiping, praying over each other and working in deliverance. It was awesome and life changing and I wanted more of it, because as a Christian, who doesn’t want to feel the presence of God? Well it started getting more and more radical. And some things that were happening were not Biblical but we were seeing these ‘signs and wonders’ happening. Basically over time things would happen and it didn’t always seem Biblical, and I started to step away. I started dating my now fiancé at the time, and I was praying to God if he’s the right man for me. Basically one of these ladies in the group told me that the Lord was calling me to break up with him, and I couldn’t do it. So she said that the Lord was going to make a way for him to break up with me that weekend. And it didn’t happen. During that time with her she told me that I kept seeing ‘666’ because I was following the path of the anti-Christ and if I stay with my fiancé that I would be disobeying Gods plan and will for my life. I would also like to mention that this woman would NOT test the spirits with the word of God, and would hear from God immediately. Oddly enough we always saw rainbows in the sky with her which made it seem like confirmations from God that she was right. It messed me up. I now am struggling with OCD and latch onto the thought that if I marry my fiancé, I’m ruining Gods plan for my life and going to hell. I rebuke that in Jesus name, I just feel like I’ve been manipulated and I’m embarrassed. Does this sound like manipulation, or does it sound like IM the crazy one? I am seeking help from a therapist after all of this, and I am continuing within a healthy church. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I was diagnosed with OCD, and the number one thing I’ve been dealing with recently is latching onto the thought of ‘am I disappointing God and ruining His plan for my life if I marry my fiancé.’ Pretty crazy when I say it out loud, but it’s horrible. I got wrapped up in a group of people who claim to be Christians, but they only really focus on the ‘signs and wonders’ aspect of the Bible, they pick certain Bible verses, and they do NOT test the spirits with the Bible. I would also like to mention that they listened to whatever popped into their head first and heard from God INSTANTLY. My problem is, when I first started dating my now fiancé, I remember praying the prayer “God if he isn’t for me remove him.” This one lady in the group then told me I had to break up with him, and that I was following the path of the anti Christ because I kept seeing 666 everywhere.” Long story short, I got away from the group after many other painful interactions, and realized a lot of it wasn’t Biblical. Where does my OCD play in all of this? I struggle with the thought of ‘what if they were right?’ Or ‘what if I marry my fiancé and I’m being disobedient to God and I’ll go to hell?” I love my fiancé and he’s a great Christian man. I just wish I had peace about it. It’s hard too because things DID happen while with these group people that were powerful, but not all of it was Biblical. I don’t want to upset the Lord, and I want freedom from this. I feel horrible for my fiancé that he has to deal with this. Am I crazy? Were these people right and I’m dragging it on and God is just waiting for me to make the right move? Is there freedom in this?

I come here in full honesty, I need help. I struggle with feeling like the Lord has casted me away because of sin. Has maybe handed me over to my sin and I’m considered as the wicked that David talked about in the Psalms. I don’t want to be that. I want to be good. I’ve been struggling with OCD, and it’s after I got tied up in a group of people who claimed to be Christian’s, but everything was all about ‘signs and wonders.’ These people never tested the Spirit’s with the Bible, and they always listened to the first thing that popped into their minds. Before I left the group a woman told me I was on the path of the ‘anti-Christ’ if I didn’t break up with my boyfriend at the time who is now my fiancé. He’s a wonderful man of God, he’s a sweetie pie, and He is learning to be more and more on fire for the Lord everyday. I get stuck in loops wondering if these people were right and now that maybe I’m being disobedient to God. That maybe because I’m marrying my fiancé, I’ll end up in hell. It contradicts the word of God, it makes me uneasy though because it consumes my mind. Why doesn’t the Lord deliver me from this? I’m not mad at God, I’m just scared and confused. Has He casted me away? Is He mad at me? Have I feel like I’ve disappointed the Holy Spirit, Father God, and Jesus Christ. I’m sorry if this is so much, and I understand I’m a stranger to whoever reads this. I just need prayer, help, peace. Please.