u/bxnniegutz

I don't know what to do, no matter what, I always find myself b/ping after a few days, it's so hard and I can't seem to find any means of holding myself back. At this point just being in the kitchen alone is enough to trigger an episode... I've been doing so well the past three days yet my brain is tormenting me again and I feel hopeless.

Am I the only one that can't seem to accept my scars as part of me? No matter where I go, I can't help but feel the need to cover up my thighs as much as I can. Both my thighs are covered both in old and fresh scars, meaning you're able to tell from a distance what's going on. Whenever I wear a skirt, or shorts of any kind, I always have to have something on underneath. Problem is, with summer already aroumd the corner, going to the beach is my main concern for this exact reason, and while I don't owe any strangers an explanation, I'm still very scared of being vulnerable or perceived.

I'm unsure what to do. I've lost about 1/3 of my total weight in a year and don't see myself stopping anytime soon. The people around me have caught on pretty fast, most notably school staff and my friends' parents. It just gets kind of uncomfortable being asked how I've gotten so tiny and what's happened to me. At some point it almost feels like the line between concern and unwanted attention is blurred. The other day the librarian asked me in front of everyone why I'm so skinny and it just made me feel so uncomfortable and ashamed. Even my godmother has asked for 'advice', to which I just told her to sip water and walk. My friends' family members also comment a lot and I just awkwardly smile it off each time. It's situations like these that just make me freeze up and realize how disordered I really am, and how others around me no longer view me as a normal person.