u/candleflame3

The Toronto by-law requires landlords to keep apartments at a minimum of 21C from Oct 1 to May 15. (Unless tenants can control the heat themselves.)

Well, it's 22C/24C with the humidex right now. I don't really need the heat on that high. 21C is too hot for sleeping anyway - the recommended temps are in the Celsius teens. But with the warm outside temps my apartment is quite warm now, and I am considering turning on my window AC unit to cool it down.

Air conditioning in October. It's stupid, but I need to sleep.

My current workplace skews pretty young so I am running into this a lot. One coworker in particular has prompted this post.

She is 29 or 30, going off graduation dates. About six years of work experience, two in the field and context (government) we are both in now. She is obviously smart and a go-getter.

She was assigned to help me with a project I have been on for about 4 months (with a lot of fits and starts for various reasons). She came on board 2-3 weeks ago. There is a lot of background info to get through so I don't expect her to have produced much (or any) real work.

But I also did not expect her to start telling me about the project, how things should be done, what needs to happen or not. Especially when I ask things like "have you had a chance to read up on X?" when I am discussing X with her and her answer is No. It's OK to not be up to speed, but that also means you are not in a position to direct things.

Also, she doesn't seem up to speed on any aspect of the project. I'm not sure that she has really read any of the background info. She hasn't said much that reflects a solid grasp of any of it, and she sent me a message on her understanding of next steps that was clearly written by AI.

Of course, all of the above could happen with a coworker of any age. But the know-it-all vibe seems very 20something to me. I totally did similar shit at her age and I'm sure I annoyed the fuck out of many people.

It also does not help that she visibly does not listen to me when I am talking in our work meetings. I mean she picks up her phone and starts texting or starts typing on her laptop when it's my turn to talk.

So, will all of that going on, I think she needs to slow her roll on telling me how this project should be handled.

How do you all handle these situations?

To be fair, he doesn't say "this is 100% my own work" either. He just doesn't say anything either way.

But lately I've noticed many of the telltale signs of AI. We are definitely knowledge workers, and he has a PhD no less!

Example from today:

We are working out a complex project plan. My draft is based on a thorough reading of the background material and discussions with the client. It's a rough draft, but its purpose was to generate discussion and clarify some points so that we can get to a clearer final version.

He decided to just jump ahead to (what he thinks is) a final version by tacking an AI re-phrasing of some bullet points in one of the background documents onto an extract from a prior (and neglected) project plan. It totally ignores some very explicit direction from the client that I definitely told him about. It adds a bunch of stuff they have never said they want. The "outcomes" are in the same order as the bullet points! Like at least mix up the order, dude.

Edit: It just occurred to me that he may not realize that I can clock what he did because I've actually read the background material.

I didn't and won't say anything. He clearly thinks it's great. So I'll send it off to the client and see what they say.

I guess I have to prepare myself for more of this. We had a co-op student who relied heavily on AI but at least she was open about it.

What are y'all's stories of AI in the workplace?

I reckon some of you have done some organizing in your time and might be interested.

So, in my apartment complex there is a small group of people trying to organize a tenants' union to fight a variety of issues with our landlord. Yay housing crisis!

Fair play to them for trying to organize at all, but in general I have found them not very open to feedback so I generally have not bothered with them. But tonight they held a meeting on some big issues and an upcoming hearing at the tenant tribunal.

It just so happens that I have already been to the tribunal, as an individual tenant, on one of the issues to be discussed at the upcoming hearing, with this exact same landlord. I learned a lot from the experience and thought the tenant group might be interested. At the meeting, they asked for volunteers to help, especially with research. OH HI. HELLO. IT'S ME.

So I waited patiently for my turn to speak to one of the organizers and gave her a very quick summary - basically "I've already been to the tribunal with this landlord on X issue and I can share what I learned" - and she could barely fake any interest. She had NO questions. I did ask if any of the organizers had experience at the tribunal and she said they did not.

We chatted a little bit more but the vibe seemed very much "we already know what we need to do and we just need volunteers to complete assigned tasks". OK.

So I'm back to not bothering with this group.

I mean, I have a recording of my tribunal hearing. They could hear how it works procedurally, how the landlord's lawyer (it's the same law firm this time around too) approached things, which of my arguments seemed to land better and which didn't. Plus all my research on X issue.

But I guess they don't want to hear it. Oh well.

I can't recall seeing anything of Mido's family in the earlier episodes. I feel like usually there is something about the foreign fiancé(e)'s family, a bit about their life in their home country, etc. But we have seen little to zero about Mido's. IIRC, he said his father was very ill at one point and that delayed him coming to the US. Something along those lines. But otherwise, not much.

Is everyone in his life in Egypt just glad to see the back of him?

Has anyone who knows him IRL posted here? He is 41; he has some history. What is it?

The pollen index is fairly low right now, so WHAT is causing the bad allergies?

https://www.iqair.com/ca/pollen/canada/ontario/toronto

The air quality is not great, not terrible too:

https://weather.gc.ca/airquality/pages/onaq-018_e.html

Rant incoming.

For context, this is 5th or 6th time I have seen this stylist, and today I told her "what you did last time worked well, so let's do that again".

I have settled on a chin-length bob as the hairstyle that works best for my face, hair, and how much time and effort I will realistically put into styling it. Pretty much this. Sometimes more blunt, sometimes softer, but well within that range.

For god knows what reason, hairstylists cannot stop themselves from adding more layers up the back, moving into Kate Gosselin speak to the manager territory.

It happened again today. It wasn't full Gosselin but moving in that direction so I told the stylist I didn't like it, in a low-key way. Just a heads-up not to do it again.

She responded by telling me that it has to be that way so that the front and the back line up correctly or something.

Then she said that if I scrunch up the ends with a bit of product and let my hair air dry my natural waves will come through. I've never told ANY stylist that I care about my natural waves or that I don't want to blow-dry my hair. I felt like she was pitching me on a totally different style after she'd already done it. WTF?

Another thing she does that I was letting slide is insult my hair. She ALWAYS comments on how thin it is. Today the comment was "It looks thicker, have you been taking supplements or something? I remember when you first came in, it was SO thin." Totally unnecessary comment.

I think there may be a cultural difference in play. She definitely did not grow up in Canada and maybe hasn't been here very long, and maybe she is from one of those cultures where people just say shit. AKA being "direct". Or maybe in her culture it's more "the stylist knows best", "give the client what YOU think they need, not what they say they want".

But maybe not, because I've had Canadian-born stylists give me Gosselin-adjacent cuts too.

I think what I have to do from now on, whenever I get a cut I like, is make the stylist take pictures of it from all angles so we have those to refer to for next time. I've wrongly assumed that my basic bob haircut is a no-brainer for a professional.

Edit: To clarify, the haircut isn't catastrophic or anything. It will be basically fine and fortunately my hair grows at a good pace so I won't be stuck with it for long.

Maybe this is just a sign that I am really Old Now.

At my workplace, the usual dress code is business casual. There are a couple 20something women in my office who sometimes wear top & pants combo that expose some midsection skin. One does this pretty frequently and shows her navel sometimes too.

Is it just me or is that a bit much for an office workplace setting?

Edit: I'm not their boss and won't say anything to them or anything about it. It's just something I noticed. But I could very well be out of step.

I'm on a minibreak out of town and stopped in at a small-town, independent, bougie coffee shop.

Barista: Your mask is making me nervous!

Me: Sorry?

Barista: I assume you're sick otherwise you wouldn't be wearing it.

Other customer: Some people wear them to protect themselves.

Me: Or they don't want to bring something home to someone who is vulnerable.

Other customer: Like the elderly!

Barista: Oh yeah.

SO much wrong with this conversation. For one thing, it's TERRIBLE customer service to comment negatively on a customer's appearance unless it creates a genuine problem. For another, if the barista thinks I'm sick, shouldn't she WANT me to wear a mask? Would she prefer that I breathe my sick germs all over the shop? For a third, SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME. Maybe I'm immuno-compromised, or have a relative who is. Maybe I almost died from covid, or known someone who did, or who is in the trenches with long covid. IT'S JUST A PIECE OF CLOTH ON MY FACE. DEAL WITH IT.

Tale as old as time.

I had an idea that I'm pretty sure would help my team with some things. My (male) boss liked it and successfully pitched it to his (female) boss. I'll give him that.

AND THEN he just assumed that I wouldn't know HOW to do my idea. Even though I have said that I know how, multiple times. I think he has a big blank spot about it.

Also, he wanted me to do a pointless step that involved a (slightly senior, male) coworker. I did the step, clearly explaining to my coworker that it did not need to be perfect at this stage, the point was to develop some ideas that I could bring back to the team to discuss. So this coworker totally nitpicked and for some reason treated it like it was supposed to be a finished product and I'd missed steps XYZ. I LITERALLY SAID IT DID NOT NEED TO BE PERFECT AND IT WAS TO DEVELOP IDEAS.

JFC!!!

I think they BOTH have a blind spot because 1) they don't know how to do the idea so they just assume that I, being slightly lower in the work hierarchy, couldn't possibly know and 2) I'm a woman, older than them (!) so there's no way I could know more, and definitely not about technical things. The fact that my coworker nitpicked kind of shows up that he doesn't know how to do this thing.

I do think gender is part of this because there is another (male) person on our team who can do things they can't do, and I am 100% sure that they don't assume that he can't do his ideas.

Here's an analogy that somewhat explains the issue. It's like my idea was to build a house. First we need to design the house, build it, and THEN put the people and furniture inside. My boss and coworker's approach is more like lets write down all the characteristics of the people and furniture and then hand the info to another team to design and build the house. They'll get ... a structure that technically counts as a house but won't suit their needs. And the other team will not be interested in re-designing or re-building anything. I know because I've seen their work and I've dealt with them!

Ahhh!

Background info:

58F, last Pap was 3 years ago (per guidelines where I am), having other GSM issues like itching (that were helped by some non-prescription products for a while but I think I've hit the limit with those), haven't had PiV sex in a long time, pretty sure there has been some "shrinkage".

I did see a pelvic physiotherapist a few years and at that time she didn't think I needed dilators. I saw her mainly for urgent urination issues, which have improved with her recommendations.

So now I'm stressed about this Pap test. Should I "work ahead" with dilators, or just show up and see what happens and if the speculum doesn't fit then my doctor and I can discuss it?

A few years ago I tried Premarin but was told to put it inside with the applicator. It didn't do much and the OTC products were helpful then, so I stopped. I didn't know about outside application etc then.

I'm in Canada so I can't just go to any OB/GYN, I must have a referral from my GP. My GP is excellent and did help me get to the OB/GYN I wanted for my endometriosis surgery. I just haven't really pushed the GSM issue because it's only recently I've realized that I need to step up my actions on it.

Anyway, dilators now or no?

Pretty much what the title says. I tried breaking up a piece and warming it with milk, to make a more typical porridge, but it was awful. Something about the texture is just not it for me.

Any other ideas?

This was on my lunch hour. He was on the corner waiting to cross the street. I don't know if he saw me. We did not make eye contact.

After the initial surprise I made a split-second decision not to do anything about it. A younger me would have definitely approached him, but today I just thought "nah".

Thing is, it wasn't a bad breakup. He wasn't horrible, but he was a garden-variety low-key kind of selfish, somewhat controlling guy. I put up with some things I definitely would not put up with now. But he did have some good qualities and we did have some good times.

As it turns out, that was my most serious relationship so far. We were together for 3 and a bit years, and broke up in the summer of 1996.

Anyway, as you can imagine this has brought up a lot of reflection. Time has gone by, y'all.

Had my usual annual thyroid blood test done and my doctor threw in blood sugar and cholesterol for good measure.

And now he wants to talk to me. Appointment is later this week.

I'm kind of freaking out. I guess my diet is not as healthy as I thought. I have made an effort in recent years to get more fibre and vegetables, but sugar and fat I've been rather laissez-faire about. I thought I get dinged on blood sugar, honestly.

Anyway, anyone else been there and how did you cope? One of my issues is a 9-5 office job with terrible food options nearby and having to lug whatever I have for lunch or snacks with me on the subway, which gets old very fast. Although maybe now I understand an older coworker who brings in a wheeled backpack full of food every day.

Edit: Our office kitchen situation is terrible so I will not be leaving food in the office fridge nor microwaving food. I need my full 60-80 grams of protein every day, mostly in the morning. More power to people who can get all that from nuts and lentils etc. I have learned through experience and experimentation that I am not one of them.