u/chileconqueso

I really hate to be in this position right now. I lost my first baby in May 2026 due to CI at 21 weeks. I did not expect to be pregnant again as it took me a year to conceive my first one. But here we are.

Timeline:
Sept 27 2026: I test positive on a basic pregnancy strip
Sept 28: Made appt with OB for confirmation (no labs)
October 6: I walked in the OB thinking how bittersweet it is to be expecting when my due date is in two days. The sonogram was done TV. I knew something was wrong. An empty sac that measured 15mm. Spoke with doctor after who said we will wait two weeks to scan again (Oct 20). I denied doing HCG labs because I know my answer.

Something in me tells me this won’t thrive. When I had my first baby, when the sac was 12mm we saw her little heartbeat. This one is completely empty. I’ve conceded to the fact that this is a loss but it’s especially cruel to be happening so close to my due date. I’m experiencing such a weird guilt because the logistical side of me knows that there’s no baby to grieve over, so I fear my first pregnancy was my only chance.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for. If there is someone who had an empty sac this large but had a baby, I’d love to know. But I just needed someplace to vent. I have completely disconnected myself to this current pregnancy to guard my heart.

I will update in two weeks as I follow so many other posts and really appreciate the updates.

TW: Loss. My husband and I were expecting our first baby and experienced a loss in the fifth month of pregnancy from a missed diagnosis.

Before our loss my husband’s group of friends/mates had 3 other expectant dads. They get together biweekly to hang. 1 dad experienced a loss due to a chromosomal issue and 1 dad did have their baby but is having some issues. The third dad, I’ll call Tone Deaf (TD) has since had their kid. Kid is happy and healthy.

First incident was a couple weeks after our loss. My husband went back to hanging out with the group. The group is pretty large so there were two separate talking circles. TD was talking in a separate group about how expensive having a baby is. TD was in earshot of my husband. I was mad about this scenario since the other dads were present but my husband thinks TD didnt realize he was loud.

The more recent incident is TD asked my husband for pediatrician recommendations. (Husband knows a lot of local doctors due to line of work). My husband gave a list of doctors. TD then says something to the effect of “are you sure Dr X is the best provider? I want what’s best for my kid”

I feel at this point TD is either extremely stupid about who his audience is or he does not think we are still grieving. My husband gives TD a lot of grace so I decided to vent here instead.

I lost my daughter at 21 weeks due to incompetent cervix. First of all it’s a terrible name as it sounds like it’s the woman’s fault. It was my first pregnancy and it was a magical journey until week 20. She is the first grand child on both parents side.

I joined r/shortcervixsupport but I can’t help but be bitter. I’ll read posts about women getting a cerclage because their cervix measured short at their check up. In my case I was reassured at my anatomy scan that everything looked great. It turns out they never checked my cervix. I ended up having symptoms (heavy discharge which was my mucous plug coming loose) just four days after. Why didn’t the clinic check my cervix? Why couldn’t I try the emergency cerclage? Why didn’t my baby get saved?

Once I’m at the hospital I got two ultrasounds. They were a lot more detailed than the one I got at my original OB. I felt so defeated seeing my daughter happily yawning and scratching her face when I knew deep down I would not take her home with me.

I go into labor for 20 hours. During that time I hear babies crying in the room next to me and families celebrating. It was traumatic. My baby was so small and she never cried.

Once I’m holding my dead baby, the doctors reassures me about all the extra observations I would get on my next pregnancy. I couldn’t even think about another baby. Why couldn’t I have been monitored more closely from the beginning? Why did my daughter have to die in my arms before I’m taken care of? I’m a geriatric mom and we couldn’t conceive quickly. She was supposed to be my miracle baby. I’ll never enjoy a pregnancy again because now I know how fragile pregnancy is.

I titled this incompetent cervix because I feel there will be more moms like me and they will stay up until 2 in the morning like me searching Reddit posts. Healthcare in the US leaves a lot to be desired.

It’s been exactly 4 weeks since I found out I was going to lose my baby girl. The worst feeling is having done an anatomy scan the week prior and being told she was perfect. The problem is me. They didn’t check my cervical length at that visit. I started having what I now see were labor signs four days after that appointment.

I went to the Labor and Delivery thinking I was over reacting about my spotting. Instead I was placed in a reclined position and told I was completely dilated and the bag was bulging. I was going to lose my first child. She is the first grandchild on both parents side. She has a room set up. I just had a baby shower.

The next few days were difficult knowing the end is coming. They did ultrasounds. I watched her happily moving and even yawning while I cried knowing she won’t be here much longer. I wished she would “swim” upwards. Every Doppler check left me crying whenever I heard her heartbeat. The walls were thin and I would hear crying babies in the next room and families celebrating. Why couldn’t it be me in four months?

A couple days after being admitted I resigned to the idea I won’t bring her home. Then labor came. 20 hours of it. But no amount of “knowing ahead” made the pain any easier once she was in my arms. She looked just like me. I had an animalistic wail and I will never forget that moment.

Now she’s in a tiny pink urn. I believe she could’ve been saved at my anatomy scan with a cerclage. But they don’t check. Because cervical insufficiency is not common. My daughter become another statistic. All I get are “well next time…” “you can try again…” I don’t want to talk about next time. A part of me died that day and I’ll never have an exciting pregnancy again.

Thank you for reading. This was cathartic

I (36F) recently lost my first pregnancy. My baby was very wanted and I had expressed to my OB about how difficult it was to conceive her. I hoped that I would be in the best of care. I went to my anatomy scan at 19W + 4D and was told everything was great.

Four days later, I experience some light bleeding. I was told that since it didn’t fill a pad, it was most likely nothing. Unfortunately once the bleeding increased, I went to L&D to find out I was fully dilated with the membrane bulging.

I ended up losing my daughter due to incompetent cervix. I contacted the OB office to see what the anatomy scan said about my cervical length. Nothing was documented.

I’m wondering if this could have been prevented. I see so many stories of emergency cerclage saving their babies while I’m selecting an urn for mine. So please give it to me straight, was my OB not doing their due diligence or is incompetent cervix a silent but deadly monster?

Thank you for reading this.

I recently lost my first pregnancy at 21 weeks. It was extremely traumatic and emotional for me. What has really bothered me is that I was at my anatomy scan the week prior. We contacted the OB office once I was discharged from the hospital to see what notes they had about my cervix and it turns out they never measured it.

I’m still reeling with grief and guilt (even though I’ve been told incompetent cervix is no one’s fault). I cant help but feel if they had done a check my baby would be alive today.

Is checking the cervix standard of care or do we really need to lose our precious baby before the medical community goes “oops well next time we’ll address this”. I don’t want a next time. I wanted this baby. She was so perfect and I can’t believe I’m picking out her urn when I should be picking out her crib.