u/chiono_graphis

Tldr: has anyone else dealt with being guilt-tripped about not wanting to visit home, despite having good memories and connections there?

I haven't gone back to see my family since before the pandemic started. Before that I had gone to visit once or twice annually. With the couple years of border control measures I guess I got used to not going. My family also got into all the zoom calls and group chats and stuff so I feel more connected to details of their daily life than before anyway. And tickets are so much more expensive now + weak yen, that, I'd want to go and stay for like a month or something to make it worthwhile, but don't want to take off more than a week or two of work (self employed now so any day I don't work is a dip in income).

I've never been one to get homesick. It's not like there were clear problems in my family I can point to as to why I feel emotionally fine being so distant from them, I had a happy ideal childhood, grew up with supportive folks, but I feel perfectly content living my life here in Japan while knowing they're living their lives there, I don't really miss them or feel something is missing in my life without extended family, the way they seem to think I should be.

They sometimes try to make me feel guilty about this when I take short trips abroad from Japan (Korea, Taiwan, etc) like "why you go for vacation there when you could come home??" Nevermind "home" is much farther/more expensive!

A part of the problem may be I really dislike my home country's culture in general. This was an unease I had even since I was a kid that I thought was a me problem until I moved overseas and it went away. So I view visiting home as a kind of chore or ordeal to put up with, like always feeling a low level feeling of despair/anxiety in the background the entire time I have to be in my home country, despite having a family eager to see me. Which doesn't help my motivation to scrape my pockets for tickets/time off. My parents and siblings don't seem to understand this when I bring it up. I get it, the one kid moves away and is suddenly "uppity" and critical of the home culture lol and for people who never questioned things or experienced different, they can't see it, so that's gotta be annoying to listen to. So I don't bring up my "reverse culture shock" but it's in the back of my mind when I think of making a trip back. So stressful making all the arrangements for a big international trip you don't even look forward to going on, though I don't want to hurt their feelings by trying to put all this in words, since it's not their fault, and it's not like I don't want to see them.

And my parents aren't getting any younger nor am I, I've already missed a couple weddings divorces funerals births of nieces and nephews and it makes me feel a bit guilty about that every time too...but I think I feel most guilty about how unguilty I actually feel to not be there lol like why don't I miss them more during the important times? Ofc I feel heartbroken when an uncle has passed away, or happy for cousins to get engaged, but I don't feel any urgency to go be physically present with them right away, and it's difficult to find excuses each time for why I can't drop everything and just come.

Wondering if anyone else is dealing with similar.

My last permanent address/residence was in WA state but I have lived outside the U.S. for the last 15+ years.

I had a WA drivers license that at some point, I remember getting stuff in the mail about it expiring but I could renew online. I remember doing so but being told I don't get issued a new physical card, it's just updated digitally in the system, here's a paper to print out in the meantime, something like that.

However over the years and several moves later I've misplaced those papers as well as my physical drivers license card.

I want to be sure my license is still valid in the system or not since I may visit the U.S. in the near future and it would be handy to be able to drive, and I'd ideally like to visit a DMV there and get a new physical card issued hopefully without having to apply from square 1/go through a driving test again etc. I called the exact DMV office that first issued my ID years ago but the lady I talked to didn't know what I was talking about, seemingly had no experience with overseas citizens. Anyone else dealt with keeping drivers license up to date from overseas? Thanks

Hi had planned to go to Taipei next week for a conference and due to a scheduling snafu, me and my boss will end up there with two free days before the conference starts.

It's up to me to scramble something together of nice low-key touristy things to do with my boss. I've never been to Taipei before and don't know much about it. We will be traveling from Japan. My boss is in his late 50s and has a bad knee that acts up if he walks or stands for long periods, so no hiking activities. But he is also a very energetic person and I know will absolutely overexert himself and ruin his knee before the conference even starts if I'm not careful to plan our days with a laid back schedule lmao but that still feel we are doing and seeing a variety of different things so he doesn't get bored and try to push himself lol. He only speaks Japanese, I can speak Japanese and English and will be doing the translating for him.

I know he likes anything interesting looking (art, architecture, street art, historical buildings, etc) and shopping and good food. Not quite so much a "nature" person. I'm thinking it would be nice one day to visit maybe a large shopping mall or street with a variety of shops and nice cafes and restaurants all in one place. I'm thinking one night of a nice sit down restaurant about $100 USD per person (not counting alcoholic drinks) he prefers Asian cuisines over all others. Any recs very appreciated.

And then maybe a bit more adventurous the other day like visiting a museum and/or garden or temple+a night market for the dinner meal. I also want to visit a traditional tea shop/tea ceremony to drink some oolong tea at some point, I think he'd like that experience a lot. but is this ok for beginners? Wistaria tea house seems famous and the interior looks so nice, but it seems indefinitely closed. Any recs for a tea house with a similar vibe?

(Also I don't know how to brew tea myself and google is not being helpful, it just recommends me to click on paid content or join a tour. If anyone knows a blog or wikiHow lol that shows how to visit a traditional tea house in Taiwan and brew and drink the tea step by step I'd be so grateful. Or alternatively a nice teahouse that explains for beginners and has English speaking staff).

I'd be so grateful for any recs in the city that don't demand a lot of walking. TIA!

It's almost yukata season in the northern hemisphere! I'm a kitsuke beginner and yukata are my favorite. Something about simple cotton fabrics and rhythmical patterns. This time of year love browsing secondhand apps for yukata with a retro feel and whenever I see a cute flatlay or coordinate, I save it...since I can't buy them all unfortunately. I've put a few I've saved into collages.

All collages I made with the Shuffles app with images from Pinterest and of screenshots from mercari, Rakuma, Shimaiya, and occasionally eBay.

Now if only I'd channel this same energy into perfecting my kitsuke...

My goal is to be able to ride a horse for half a day, two months from now.

I have a business trip to Mongolia planned. Since it is business firstly I'm not sure it'll be on the schedule yet, but there may be a chance to go horseback riding. Not a days-long trek. Just a little ride of up to a half-day hike.

I'm excited because this has been a dream of mine since I was a kid, riding a horse in an open steppe with no fences. I want to try galloping too. I owned a horse in my teens and galloping was our favorite, going so fast the wind blows tears out my eyes straight back into my ears haha.

However, I haven't ridden in nearly two decades. Am not overweight but have been strictly deskwork jobs with no workout/sports/outdoorsy habits. I walk and public transport to work so I feel I could walk all day, but I don't actually have much core, leg, arm strength nor endurance. Also the Mongolian style of riding is to stand in the stirrups at any pace faster than a walk, so I will need thigh and core strength back especially.

Before attempting a gym, I'm working on building a little endurance first at home. Here's my routine:

10-15 minutes warm up with yoga: mainly cat-cow and bridge poses, also practice hip opening poses/doing the splits

60 squats

60 seconds planking

60 seconds air-chair against a wall

5-10 pushups (all I can physically manage at this point)

To wind down, 60 seconds of standing on one foot with eyes closed, or until my motion sensor light goes off lol, to improve balance

I have to break up each exercise, sometimes I can only do 5-10 at a time before needing a break. I get sweaty and winded just from this little routine that barely takes me 30 mins.

I have been doing this daily for only 5 days. Lots of muscle aches. I still have two months and will add exercises (+running too!) and time as I get better. But sometimes feel so defeated at how weak and out of shape I am that there's not nearly enough time in two months to undo two decades of sedentary living and get me in shape enough to safely ride again, especially at the level I used to enjoy as a teen (the dear soul was a firecracker and put me through her paces lmao)

Has anyone gotten in shape enough for an outdoor sport in two months, or is this completely unrealistic?

Hi I've had an awful metallic/blood/salt/acid taste in my mouth and tingling tongue feeling going on for a couple weeks now. Thinking I should get it checked since it's not going away. I haven't changed anything like foods, toothpaste, skincare at all recently, nor am I on any medications nor supplements, nor do I have any other symptoms.

I haven't had the best experiences with doctors here when I don't know what the issue is (i.e., getting meds for influenza or a bladder infection or eczema is always fine, but for vague symptoms it's like oh you just must be stressed). And I'm not sure what sort of clinic to try first. Naika? ENT? Or is this neurological?

Anyone else experienced similar and how did you get it treated?