u/cladinred

We’re both early 20s. He’s funny, my age (an accomplishment for me because my streak of being into older men was getting out of hand), super cute, has cool hobbies, friends and his own life, and a total lover boy. He’s very forward about wanting a relationship, and puts the effort in to see me / plan date on his limited budget (idm, I’m not dating him for his money lol). It’s a welcome change from all the failed talking stages I’ve been through over the past year.

But there are a few things that do make me hesitate. For one, I’m a virgin (by choice!!) and on my way to committing to a PhD program. Meanwhile, he’s not certain what he wants yet and is working a dead end job. He seems to have aspirations of going to trade school, which I like, but hasn’t actually invested into it so it seems like all talk. He’s insured under his parents but refuses to go to doctor and dental appointments, and something that I haven’t brought up yet (but want to) is subpar oral hygiene. I’m attracted to him and we’ve gone further sexually than I ever have with any other guy, but I have doubts about actually going the full mile and losing my virginity to him. There’s an unmistakable immaturity to him that is very typical of guys my age, which is a large reason as to why I fucked with older guys for a while. There are other things but I won’t go into too much detail. He has never forced me to sleep with him or anything, but sometimes his pleas for me to give him head (which I haven’t yet) border on childlike. We are two weeks in but have been hanging out a lot, so we’re decently comfy w each other. I guess that might be part of why.

He wants commitment, and i do think he is emotionally ready for it, but in every other aspect idk i do find myself wanting for more. But regardless of the grievances I mentioned, i do still love his company and the chemistry is unmistakable. I just don’t feel entirely sure about him as my bf. My friends find him alright but no one’s crazy about him. I know that shouldn’t matter because it’s not like they’re in our relationship, but practically everyone has been like “you can do better” and it has made me insecure tbh. He’s very emotionally warm tho, I think that’s why I’m so confused. Should I pull the plug on this or try to give it a little more time? I feel like bringing any of this up to him would only trigger his insecurity. I did try to soft launch a few issues btw, but each time I was met with excuses. Idk guys. Do I have commitment issues? I literally got called a stuck up bitch by multiple men on another sub for bringing this up.

Also got told that men mature slower and I should just deal with it lol. I feel crazy. Should I take myself off the dating market because I’m apparently so stuck up and bitchy and he could do better?? Like am I the problem???? Are they right about me??

Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan etc etc - did we pretty much max out on the “main pop acts” of the 2020s? Personally I like them a lot, but I’m wondering if with the advent of TikTok there’s a chance that we will see more people cropping up. I do feel like music is already more fragmented than the 2010s due to tiktok, but as far as A listers go we’ve had the same people for the past couple years.

I do hope for more diversity tbh. More Black and brown artists. Curious if anyone has any predictions + if there’s anything they’d like to see more of in the mainstream!

Tomorrow it’ll have been a week. I’m going bananas. Someone help.

Love bombing then ghosting. Saying they just enjoy your company, then hitting the fade when they don’t get to fuck you one week in. The classic Switch Up. I am so tired of it. I’m 24 and happen to bartend, and given my line of work I’ve seen this behavior across all ages. This has been my experience all my 20s tbh and I am sick of it. Does it get better ever??????

6 years from 18, 6 years from 30. Who am I . How do I fit into the universe ?????

Title. I just turned 24 and I’m actually pretty excited for my 30s. But I read a post on here (in a male dominated sub lol) about how women hit a wall after 30 and have less options. I disagree with that because it’s obviously highly dependent on the person & I can’t imagine anyone finding a woman in her 30s who takes care of herself unattractive. But I just wanted to hear firsthand accounts because I hate this fear of aging that I have and really want to hear that it’s irrational.

Not that male attention really matters, but the idea that the moment you turn 30 everything becomes harder is just depressing to me. 30 feels so very young to me still. That’s only like 12 years out from being a legal adult. Is that window of time really all women get?

Hi I can’t even believe this. I’m 24F, he’s 24M. We met through mutual friends at a bar about a week ago and have been texting since. There have been moments where I felt like maybe he was looking for a hookup, so I quickly communicated to him that I’m not into that at all just to nip it in the bud early, and he was very respectful and suggested an amusement park “hangout.” We never called it a date or anything, but I was just internally kind of like “we don’t wanna put pressure on it so whatever” but I do wanna make it clear that it was VERY obvious we were into each other romantically. There was lots of flirting and physical chemistry. Like I really want to stress that there’s no way he “missed it” or thought it would be platonic.

We ended up hanging out last night at a bar because our schedules aligned. Best 3 hrs of my life, went by so fast (compared to a much worse date I had earlier that week, lol). He opened up to me about essentially being molested while he was 18 by his older female boss (and her friends, super disturbing stuff bc they were all in their 40s) & the fact that he engaged in a sexual relationship with her after his mother passed away, also while he was 18. He said he did it to avoid loneliness pain etc, all the things that could make someone pray on an 18 yr old basically. We were physically close the whole time & it was very intimate. I don’t think he sought any actual help for this experience tbh, even tho according to him it lasted like 2 years

Then I find out, in passing, that he’s going through a rough patch with what I find out, out of nowhere, to be his official gf. And obviously the date ends very quickly after that bc I feel disgusted. I was drunk and discombobulated so I didn’t confront him or make a scene, but it was clear by the end of the date that I was very uncomfortable and that our upcoming date (scheduled for Wednesday) is absolutely not happening.

On our way out he seemed apologetic, but tbh overall this didn’t get addressed at ALL like there’s no justification. I told him this wasn’t cool (to either of the girls involved) and all he could do was nod solemnly lol. He said his relationship is fraught with arguments, but that he’s trying to work through it????? And it’s like then why the fuck are we doing this. I want to note that otherwise he’s been a total dream, great texter and makes plans and we have very similar music taste and super responsive etc etc. the only catch is literally that he has a GIRLFRIEND he didn’t tell me about. I’ve been ghosting him since - he’s been trying to text me casually, and I’m just ignoring him. I’m a little calmer about it now, but I definitely felt dirty and bamboozled when he dropped the bomb on me.

At one point he was like “don’t feel guilty, u did nothing wrong” because to him we didn’t kiss or hook up so it’s fine. Meanwhile im like this man literally held me in his arms and insinuated multiple times that he wanted to fuck me. That is absolutely cheating. Like the delusion is on another level.

I know this needs to end, but I keep replaying his history of abuse in my mind and wondering if I’m being “too harsh.” I know nothing justifies cheating, just wanted to see what people thought because I know I can’t see him anymore. Idk if I should ghost him or tell him to get therapy/help first. Hes clearly not happy but also, is it really my responsibility? Should I ghost regardless because it’s not my job to fix him? I just can’t help replaying that part. Any advice appreciated - and pls be kind because I fully don’t intend to pursue a relationship with this man given that he’s taken. I’m just wondering if I should encourage him to get help or if it’s not my responsibility. Unfortunately when someone talks to you about their minor SA experience, you can’t help but empathize on some level, in addition to the chemistry we had. But what he did is also so messed up.

And I do feel awful for his gf - I don’t have her info but I’m ambivalent about getting involved anyway, I’m going through a lot myself and was also duped emotionally by him and it just feels like a lot of emotional labor on me so idk!!!! Either way what he did was awful for both her & me

Hi I can’t even believe this. I’m 24F, he’s 24M. We met through mutual friends at a bar about a week ago and have been texting since. There have been moments where I felt like maybe he was looking for a hookup, so I quickly communicated to him that I’m not into that at all just to nip it in the bud early, and he was very respectful and suggested an amusement park “hangout.” We never called it a date or anything, but I was just internally kind of like “we don’t wanna put pressure on it so whatever” but I do wanna make it clear that it was VERY obvious we were into each other romantically. There was lots of flirting and physical chemistry. Like I really want to stress that there’s no way he “missed it” or thought it would be platonic lol.

We ended up hanging out last night at a bar because our schedules aligned. Best 3 hrs of my life, went by so fast (compared to a much worse date I had earlier that week, lol). He opened up to me about a lot of personal stuff, as did I. Obviously we ended up physically close asf & he was holding me. Then I find out, in passing, that he’s going through a rough patch with what I find out, out of nowhere, to be his official gf. And obviously the date ends very quickly after that bc I feel disgusted. I was drunk and discombobulated so I didn’t confront him or make a scene, but it was clear by the end of the date that I was very uncomfortable and that our upcoming date (scheduled for Wednesday) is absolutely not happening.

On our way out he seemed apologetic, but tbh overall this didn’t get addressed at ALL like there’s no justification. I told him this wasn’t cool (to either of the girls involved) and all he could do was nod solemnly lol. He said his relationship is fraught with arguments, but that he’s trying to work through it????? And it’s like then why the fuck are we doing this. I want to note that otherwise he’s been a total dream, great texter and makes plans and we have very similar music taste and super responsive etc etc. the only catch is literally that he has a GIRLFRIEND he didn’t tell me about.

At one point he was like “don’t feel guilty, u did nothing wrong” because to him we didn’t kiss or hook up so it’s fine. Meanwhile im like this man literally held me in his arms and insinuated multiple times that he wanted to fuck me. That is absolutely cheating. Like the delusion is on another level.

Obviously this can’t continue, but I wanted to see how people think I should go about this?? Just ghost? Tell him and then block him??? This is so awkward bc we have many mutual friends. I’m just in shock and want to hear that this isn’t normal and that I shouldn’t lose my trust in all men ever :(