OPDATERING: Min nabos chikane er eskaleret, og nu er der oprettet en sag mod mig ved beboerklagenævnet. Jeg vil bare have mine børn væk herfra.

Jeg troede ærligt talt ikke, at situationen kunne blive meget værre, men her står vi så.
Til dem, der ikke har læst mine tidligere opslag, er jeg enlig mor til tre mindre drenge, og vi bor i en almen bolig. Gennem flere måneder har særligt én nabo gjort vores tilværelse enormt belastende med klager, rygtespredning, underskriftsindsamlinger mod min familie og endda en underretning til kommunen med beskyldninger, som jeg ved er usande.
Efter kommunens besøg i september, hvor medarbejderne var meget forstående og efter deres egne udtalelser fandt beskyldningerne grundløse, anbefalede de mig ligefrem at kontakte politiet angående chikane, hvis der kom endnu en underretning.
Jeg troede faktisk, at der måske endelig ville falde lidt ro over situationen.
Jeg tog fejl.
Boligselskabet har nu indbragt en sag mod mig for beboerklagenævnet på baggrund af klager fra denne nabo og manden, der bor direkte under mig.
Og jeg har nu modtaget deres støjregistreringer.
Jeg ved simpelthen ikke, om jeg skal grine eller græde.
Vi taler om side efter side med påståede støjgener, hvor der er angivet utroligt præcise datoer, klokkeslæt og beskrivelser af, hvordan mine børn angiveligt løber, skriger, banker i væggene, smækker med døre og generelt larmer helt uudholdeligt.
Nogle registreringer beskriver voldsom, vedvarende støj i flere timer ad gangen.
Problemet?
Vi har slet ikke været hjemme under flere af de påståede hændelser.
Og jeg mener ikke, at jeg bare sådan nogenlunde kan huske, at vi måske var et andet sted.
Jeg mener, at jeg har billeder, videoer, kvitteringer og kontoudtog, som understøtter, at vi befandt os andre steder på de tidspunkter, hvor de påstår, at støjen fandt sted.
En af dagene var vi i København, men alligevel er der registreret støj fra vores lejlighed.
En anden dag har min underbo registreret voldsomme støjgener fra kl. 14.00 til 17.15, selvom vi først kom hjem omkring kl. 16.30.
Der er adskillige andre eksempler fra dage, hvor vi var i skole, på udflugter, ude at handle eller opholdt os andre steder.
Og her er en ret væsentlig detalje:
Min husstand består af én voksen og tre mindre børn.
Når vi er ude sammen, er der altså ikke et andet medlem af husstanden tilbage i lejligheden, som kan stå bag al den påståede larm.
Så er der klagerne over, at mine børn angiveligt løber rundt, hopper og banker i gulvene på tidspunkter, hvor de ligger og sover.
Eller beskrivelser af helt almindelige aktiviteter som at spise aftensmad, tage overtøj på eller sidde stille ved spisebordet, der bliver fremstillet som voldsomme støjgener.
Der er endda registreringer af børn, der leger på svalegangen, hvor aktiviteterne tilsyneladende bliver tilskrevet mine børn, selvom der bor og leger flere andre børn i bebyggelsen.
Jeg påstår ikke, at mine børn er fuldstændig lydløse.
Selvfølgelig er de ikke det.
De er børn. De leger, griner, går rundt og bliver indimellem begejstrede.
Men der er altså en enorm forskel på almindeligt familieliv og det billede, disse mennesker forsøger at tegne af os.
Og når nogen gentagne gange registrerer støj fra min husstand på tidspunkter, hvor vi slet ikke er hjemme, hvordan skal jeg så overhovedet kunne forsvare mig mod det?
Det, der gør det hele endnu mere frustrerende, er boligselskabets håndtering af situationen.
Tilbage i august meddelte boligselskabet mig, at den tidligere klagesag var afsluttet.
De havde tidligere erkendt, at de ikke selv kunne vurdere, om beskyldningerne var korrekte, men antallet af underskrifter mod min familie blev alligevel tillagt betydning.
Da jeg senere klagede over, at min nabo havde råbt ad min yngste søn på fire år, anerkendte boligselskabet, at det naturligvis ikke var i orden at råbe ad et barn.
Men samtidig antydede de, at hendes opførsel kunne være kulminationen på tidligere problemer med mine børn.
Så på en eller anden måde blev tidligere beskyldninger, som ikke var dokumenteret korrekte, brugt som en mulig forklaring på, hvorfor en voksen havde råbt ad en fireårig.
Og nu står vi altså med en officiel sag ved beboerklagenævnet.
Samtidig er jeg blevet bekendt med, at der bliver spredt beskyldninger om, at jeg skulle have begået hærværk mod en anden beboers ejendom.
Det afviser jeg fuldstændigt.
Jeg har derfor sendt en formel anmodning om indsigt efter GDPR til boligselskabet, hvor jeg har bedt om at få udleveret de personoplysninger, de har registreret om mig, herunder klager, korrespondance, interne notater og eventuelle beskyldninger om hærværk, der måtte være blevet fremsat over for dem.
Boligselskabet har bekræftet modtagelsen af min anmodning.
Men det værste ved alt det her er faktisk ikke engang papirarbejdet. Det er, hvad hele forløbet har gjort ved vores liv.
Jeg er fuldstændig udmattet.
Jeg kan ikke længere slappe af i mit eget hjem.
Jeg tænker konstant over, om nogen lytter, filmer eller registrerer, hvad mine børn foretager sig.
Selv helt almindelige lyde gør mig nervøs.
Jeg kan ikke engang gå ned med skraldet eller lufte min hund uden at bekymre mig om endnu en konfrontation eller nye rygter.
Mine børn fortjener at føle sig trygge i deres eget hjem.
De fortjener at kunne eksistere uden konstant at blive betragtet som et problem, bare fordi de er børn.
Og jeg fortjener også at kunne føle mig tryg.
Jeg er nået til et punkt, hvor jeg faktisk ikke længere interesserer mig for at vinde en diskussion med disse mennesker.
Jeg vil bare væk.
Problemet er, at det ikke er nemt at finde en anden egnet bolig.
Mine børn har endelig fundet en skole, de elsker, efter flere års alvorlige problemer med skolevægring. Derfor ønsker jeg desperat at blive i området, så de kan beholde deres skole.
Jeg har også dyr, hvilket gør midlertidige boligløsninger væsentligt mere komplicerede.
Børnenes far vil muligvis kunne lade os opholde os hos ham i en kort periode, men det er ikke en holdbar løsning, og han må ikke have dyr i sin bolig.
Så nu står jeg i en situation, hvor jeg desperat forsøger at finde et andet sted at bo, samtidig med at jeg skal forholde mig til en officiel klagesag, omfattende beskyldninger og de økonomiske konsekvenser af potentielt at skulle betale husleje to steder.
Og det er måske det mest ødelæggende ved hele situationen.
Jeg flyttede hertil i håbet om at skabe et stabilt og fredeligt hjem for mine børn.
I stedet forsøger jeg nu desperat at finde ud af, hvordan jeg får os væk herfra.
Jeg ved godt, at nogen sikkert vil tænke, at hvis flere naboer klager, må der jo være noget om det.
Men det er netop derfor, jeg er begyndt at sammenholde beskyldningerne med faktiske tidspunkter, billeder, kvitteringer og oplysninger om, hvor vi befandt os.
Jeg forventer ikke, at alle bare skal tro på mig, fordi jeg siger, at beskyldningerne er forkerte.
Jeg ville bare ønske, at de mennesker, der fremsætter dem, blev mødt med det samme krav om dokumentation.
Er der nogen her, der har oplevet noget lignende, hvor naboer gentagne gange fremsatte beskyldninger, som I faktisk kunne modbevise?
Og hvis I endte med at flytte, fik I så endelig fred, eller fulgte stressen fra hele forløbet med jer bagefter?
For lige nu føler jeg oprigtigt, at denne situation er ved at ødelægge mit helbred.
Og alt, hvad jeg ønsker, er, at mine børn og jeg kan få lov til at leve et helt almindeligt liv igen.

reddit.com
u/cleo-friis — 7 days ago

UPDATE: Apparently the petition was only the beginning

So, I posted here earlier about my direct neighbour “Regina”, and my growing suspicion that she was trying to turn the other neighbours against my family.
Well… things have escalated quite a bit since then.
A neighbour I’m friendly with told me that Regina had mentioned that signatures were apparently being collected against my family. She hadn’t been asked to sign anything herself and didn’t know exactly what the petition was about.
Around the same time, I kept seeing Regina having increasingly intense conversations with groups of neighbours while repeatedly pointing towards my home. This even happened while my children weren’t home.
Then I received an official warning from our housing association.
The complaints were about my children running, playing and spending time on the outdoor walkway outside the apartments, shouting/screaming, and our front door allegedly being slammed repeatedly.
The thing is: children playing on the walkway is completely normal here. Pretty much all the children do it, including children visiting grandparents who live here, and the vast majority of adults also use the walkway as an outdoor/social space.
My children are not exceptionally loud compared with the other children here.
And there was another fairly significant problem with the complaints: my children had been away staying with their father for weeks during part of the period in which this apparently continued to be an issue.
I responded to the housing association and asked them for something very basic: **dates, times and concrete incidents.**
If my children are supposedly causing repeated serious disturbances, I need to know when and what actually happened so I can respond to it.
They didn’t provide that.
Instead, the housing association eventually told me that **“many residents had complained together this time”** and explained that when they cannot personally verify complaints, they place weight on the number of residents making them.
They also acknowledged that they don’t actually know how the other residents behave on the walkways.
That concerned me quite a bit considering what I had already been observing.
Because my concern was never simply, “one neighbour doesn’t like me.”
My concern was that one neighbour appeared to be actively talking about my family to other residents, that I had been told signatures were being collected against us, that people I had never even spoken to suddenly seemed hostile towards us — and now the housing association was effectively telling me that the **number of people complaining** was being used to give the complaints credibility.
There is another part to this which makes the situation particularly uncomfortable.
My entire household is autistic.
Shortly after Regina learned this, my son overheard her talking to other neighbours and calling him **“super weird.”**
The timing also coincided with the complaints beginning.
I have never confronted this woman, argued with her, complained about her or done anything against her. I continued greeting her normally.
I therefore explicitly raised the possibility of **disability discrimination** with the housing association and asked them to ensure that complaints were being assessed objectively rather than simply accepting that a large number of complainants automatically meant the allegations were true.
Eventually, the housing association closed the complaint matter without taking further action.
I thought maybe that was the end of it.
It wasn’t.
After the housing complaint route went nowhere, Regina **reported my family to the municipality/social services.**
And this time the allegations weren’t about children playing outside or a door closing too loudly.
They were about **my children, my parenting and the conditions inside my home.**
Among other things, she apparently claimed that my home was becoming increasingly messy.
There is one rather enormous problem with that:
**She has never been inside my home.**
She does not have a view into my home that would allow her to observe the conditions she was describing.
So we have now gone from:
neighbour discovers we are autistic
→ my son overhears her calling him “super weird”
→ she repeatedly talks intensely with groups of neighbours while pointing at our home
→ I’m told signatures are being collected against us
→ multiple residents submit complaints to the housing association
→ the housing association cannot provide me with concrete dates/times but tells me that many residents complained together
→ that complaint matter ultimately goes nowhere
→ Regina then reports me to the municipality with serious allegations about my parenting and conditions **inside a home she has never entered.**
The municipality has subsequently become involved and arranged a home visit.
At this point I’m finding it increasingly difficult to view all of these things as unrelated incidents.
I obviously understand that anyone who genuinely believes children are unsafe should contact the authorities. I would never want people discouraged from doing that.
But there is a pretty substantial difference between reporting something you have genuinely observed and making claims about conditions inside somebody’s home that you have no apparent way of knowing anything about.
And that is where I am now.
What originally felt like neighbourhood gossip and a possible “mean girl” campaign has escalated into official complaints and now involvement from social services.
I’m documenting absolutely everything.
But holy shit, I did not expect **“my neighbour doesn’t seem to like us”** to turn into this.

reddit.com
u/cleo-friis — 2 months ago

UPDATE: I posted in the residents’ Facebook group – and things got more interesting

First, because quite a few people have suggested it: No, I haven’t reported Regina’s second dog.
Our housing rules only allow one dog, and yes, she has two. But I don’t want to retaliate by reporting her for things that have absolutely nothing to do with me.
I’ve mentioned the dogs to the housing association only in the context of selective enforcement: if they’re going to strictly enforce the rules against my family while ignoring obvious rule violations by the person complaining about us, I think that’s relevant.
But I don’t actually care that she has two dogs.
And I think it’s important to clarify something about this whole situation: this conflict is entirely one-sided.
I’ve never complained about Regina. I’ve never confronted her. I’ve never argued with her. I’ve never tried to get other neighbours on my side against her. I haven’t even stopped saying hello to her.
So reporting her dog now purely because she reported me would feel like turning this into a mutual neighbour war.
I don’t want a neighbour war.
I want her to leave my family alone.

And about the other very common suggestion: getting a lawyer.
I understand why so many of you are suggesting it, and honestly, if money wasn’t an issue, I probably would have spoken to one already.
But I’m a single mother of three living on disability benefits. Hiring a lawyer to deal with a neighbour dispute simply isn’t something I can casually afford.
So “lawyer up” unfortunately isn’t quite as straightforward for me as it sounds.
That doesn’t mean I’m doing nothing. I’m keeping everything in writing, saving messages and letters, documenting what happens and looking into what free or affordable legal help may be available to me here in Denmark.
But unless this escalates to a point where legal representation becomes absolutely necessary, paying a lawyer out of pocket just isn’t a realistic option for me right now.

Anyway, onto the actual update.
After the report to child services, I decided to make a post in our residents’ Facebook group.
I didn’t name Regina or accuse anyone of anything.
I explained that someone had made a report about my children containing several serious claims that are factually false – including claims about the condition of the inside of my home, despite the person making the report never having been inside my home and not being able to see into it.
I also made it very clear that if anyone genuinely sees something concerning involving my children, they absolutely should react.
I just asked people to distinguish between things they have personally witnessed and things they’ve heard from other residents.
One of the claims in the report is essentially that my children seek attention, comfort and validation from other adults because I’m supposedly not present enough.
My children are extremely social.
They’re happy, open kids who will happily talk someone’s ear off.
So I also wrote that if anyone doesn’t enjoy that contact, they’re completely welcome to tell me. I’ll simply explain to my kids that this particular neighbour prefers to be left alone.
I’d much rather someone tell me that than have my children’s friendliness turned into evidence that they’re neglected.
The response was actually really reassuring.
One neighbour publicly commented:
“I have nothing bad to say about you as neighbours. You’re a good mother with happy children who are more than happy to talk to us neighbours.”
That meant more than she probably realised.

The original housing complaint against us was supposedly signed by “many residents”, but I still don’t know who those residents actually are.
So hearing directly and publicly from a neighbour who actually interacts with us was genuinely lovely.

But something much more interesting happened.
A woman I don’t know messaged me privately after seeing the Facebook post.
She lives in the other courtyard of our housing complex. As far as I know, we’ve never met.
She told me that she has also just received a report to child services.
And she received another one a few months ago.
According to her, those reports also contain things that are simply factually untrue.
Her current report apparently claims that her daughter is dirty and neglected.
Those are almost exactly the same words being used about my children.
And here’s another strange similarity:
Her daughter has been away from home for several weeks.
My boys had also been away with their father for several weeks during a significant part of the period surrounding the complaints against us.
Her previous report was apparently also bizarre. Among other things, it made assumptions about her then-boyfriend because he had tattoos, was bald and rode a motorcycle.
The municipality investigated that report and ultimately closed the case.
She doesn’t know who made either report because hers were anonymous.
Then we started comparing notes.
When she received the first report, she was understandably furious and talked openly about it with people in her courtyard.
She told me that at least one person from my courtyard knew about it, and possibly another person as well.
One of the people she mentioned is someone I personally observed having an intense conversation with Regina shortly before the large complaint against my family appeared.
That person subsequently stopped greeting me.
Now, I want to be extremely clear:
This does NOT prove the reports are connected.
It doesn’t prove Regina had anything whatsoever to do with the reports about this other family.
It doesn’t prove the same person wrote them.
And I’m deliberately trying not to turn suspicions into facts just because I’m angry.
But it does make me wonder whether what I’m experiencing might involve a wider culture of gossip among a small group of residents rather than simply one neighbour acting completely independently.
I’ve had the impression for a while that there’s a small group who talk extensively about other residents and reinforce each other’s opinions.
If that’s what’s happening, the reports wouldn’t even need to have been written by the same person to be connected in some way.
And then she mentioned one more thing:
Her daughter is autistic too.
Again: correlation is not evidence.
But considering Regina’s behaviour towards my family changed extremely suddenly after learning that my eldest son is autistic, that’s another detail I’m filing away rather than drawing conclusions from.
The other mother also told me that things have now become so bad for her family that they’re moving.
That honestly hit me pretty hard.
Because I’ve started thinking exactly the same thing.
I don’t want to spend my life wondering what the next complaint, rumour or report is going to be.
And I especially don’t want my children growing up feeling like simply existing outside our front door makes them a problem.
For now, I’m documenting everything.
I’m cooperating fully with the municipality. They’ve been reasonable with me, and I’m not concerned about them seeing our home or meeting my children.
I’m also trying very hard to separate what I know from what I suspect.

reddit.com
u/cleo-friis — 2 months ago

UPDATE: Apparently the petition was only the beginning

So, I posted here earlier about my direct neighbour “Regina”, and my growing suspicion that she was trying to turn the other neighbours against my family.
Well… things have escalated quite a bit since then.
A neighbour I’m friendly with told me that Regina had mentioned that signatures were apparently being collected against my family. She hadn’t been asked to sign anything herself and didn’t know exactly what the petition was about.
Around the same time, I kept seeing Regina having increasingly intense conversations with groups of neighbours while repeatedly pointing towards my home. This even happened while my children weren’t home.
Then I received an official warning from our housing association.
The complaints were about my children running, playing and spending time on the outdoor walkway outside the apartments, shouting/screaming, and our front door allegedly being slammed repeatedly.
The thing is: children playing on the walkway is completely normal here. Pretty much all the children do it, including children visiting grandparents who live here, and the vast majority of adults also use the walkway as an outdoor/social space.
My children are not exceptionally loud compared with the other children here.
And there was another fairly significant problem with the complaints: my children had been away staying with their father for weeks during part of the period in which this apparently continued to be an issue.
I responded to the housing association and asked them for something very basic: dates, times and concrete incidents.
If my children are supposedly causing repeated serious disturbances, I need to know when and what actually happened so I can respond to it.
They didn’t provide that.
Instead, the housing association eventually told me that “many residents had complained together this time” and explained that when they cannot personally verify complaints, they place weight on the number of residents making them.
They also acknowledged that they don’t actually know how the other residents behave on the walkways.
That concerned me quite a bit considering what I had already been observing.
Because my concern was never simply, “one neighbour doesn’t like me.”
My concern was that one neighbour appeared to be actively talking about my family to other residents, that I had been told signatures were being collected against us, that people I had never even spoken to suddenly seemed hostile towards us — and now the housing association was effectively telling me that the number of people complaining was being used to give the complaints credibility.
There is another part to this which makes the situation particularly uncomfortable.
My entire household is autistic.
Shortly after Regina learned this, my son overheard her talking to other neighbours and calling him “super weird.”
The timing also coincided with the complaints beginning.
I have never confronted this woman, argued with her, complained about her or done anything against her. I continued greeting her normally.
I therefore explicitly raised the possibility of disability discrimination with the housing association and asked them to ensure that complaints were being assessed objectively rather than simply accepting that a large number of complainants automatically meant the allegations were true.
Eventually, the housing association closed the complaint matter without taking further action.
I thought maybe that was the end of it.
It wasn’t.
After the housing complaint route went nowhere, Regina reported my family to the municipality/social services.
And this time the allegations weren’t about children playing outside or a door closing too loudly.
They were about my children, my parenting and the conditions inside my home.
Among other things, she apparently claimed that my home was becoming increasingly messy.
There is one rather enormous problem with that:
She has never been inside my home.
She does not have a view into my home that would allow her to observe the conditions she was describing.
So we have now gone from:
neighbour discovers we are autistic
→ my son overhears her calling him “super weird”
→ she repeatedly talks intensely with groups of neighbours while pointing at our home
→ I’m told signatures are being collected against us
→ multiple residents submit complaints to the housing association
→ the housing association cannot provide me with concrete dates/times but tells me that many residents complained together
→ that complaint matter ultimately goes nowhere
→ Regina then reports me to the municipality with serious allegations about my parenting and conditions inside a home she has never entered.
The municipality has subsequently become involved and arranged a home visit.
At this point I’m finding it increasingly difficult to view all of these things as unrelated incidents.
I obviously understand that anyone who genuinely believes children are unsafe should contact the authorities. I would never want people discouraged from doing that.
But there is a pretty substantial difference between reporting something you have genuinely observed and making claims about conditions inside somebody’s home that you have no apparent way of knowing anything about.
And that is where I am now.
What originally felt like neighbourhood gossip and a possible “mean girl” campaign has escalated into official complaints and now involvement from social services.
I’m documenting absolutely everything.
But holy shit, I did not expect “my neighbour doesn’t seem to like us” to turn into this.

reddit.com
u/cleo-friis — 2 months ago

[TOMT] Double decker couch origins?

I’m currently watching the Lego movie for the first time and when he presents the double decker couch I know I have seen it somewhere else.

But it appears to be hidden from google 😅.

In my mind it has something to do with the simpsons or the Donald Duck universe, but I could be wrong about that. But I know for sure that I have seen it before. It appears as some solution for something.

Any ideas or does someone have the same memory?

reddit.com
u/cleo-friis — 5 months ago