u/cliff7217

In recent years:

I began to desire ear piercings and then a nose piercing.

I have fantasized about getting my hair styled at a salon in some type of pixie cut. Just watching the videos is exciting.

Same with bleaching my hair and dyeing it an odd color.

I have become a big fan of Birkenstocks

I do realize that this is a stereotype but some of those things are associated with lesbians.

I have been questioning for some time. I was lurking on the trans subs and apparently AMABs who are trans and still interested in women are lesbians. Never did I ever think that I could fit in this category. Were any of you in the same boat?

I've been questioning whether I am trans as of late. As for what makes me think maybe.

- Desired fashion choices (i.e. desires for ear piercings, nose piercings, sandals, pedicures, wanting to go to a salon and get bob or pixie cut despite not really having the hair to do so, wanting to dye hair red or teal, wanting to wear ripped jeans/shorts and capris, etc). Yes there are men who are into some of that but most men are not. For example, I went to an event recently and almost no men wore ripped jeans but plenty of women did. There were some men with earrings but none with a nose ring.

- A lack of success in dating where dates would typically turn into discussions about fashion or piercings or the like so I end up friend zoned.

- Wanting to emotionally connect and not just want to get laid. Not really into porn. Some times go back and forth between being ace and not.

- I tend to be passive in relationship and group situations, empathetic to a fault, etc.

- I kinda envy the women who get together in groups and have better friendships than men seem to have. I went to a restaurant recently and there was a table with women, all dressed comfortably wearing cute tops with shorts and sandals and earrings with their hair done and having a good time.

What makes me think no way -

- Tend to be more of a doer than a talker. Brain tends to be wired in a way that I'm drawn toward geek stuff. Yeah there are girl geeks but the numbers tend to lean male. At least that's been my experience.

- Not really into make up

- Dresses and skirts don't really do anything for me.

- When I look in the mirror, I still get a feeling of satisfaction when I have a V-shape or larger arms from working out. I wasn't happy with the skinny as a rail body that I had in my youth.

- Body hair and male parts don't really bother me nor is there a burning desire for breasts.

- I'm okay with stubble on the face or clean shaven (although not a full beard)

- If I watch a movie tend to identify with the male characters over the female characters

Sometimes I think maybe it's something in between - gender fluid or non-binary or something like that.

Once I get them on, after a few minutes, I can't wait to get them off and get back in my normal comfortable attire (tee/shorts or hoodie/jeans or whatever). Same goes for wig. Long hair feels annoying.

Did any of you go through this? Or is this a sign that I'm likely NOT trans? On the flip side, I had my toes painted last year and they stayed painted for a good 6 weeks (even though I wouldn't wear sandals in public). Also the thought of piercing my ears and nose and dyeing my hair an odd color is exciting. Of course that can be done as a guy even although it's not really socially acceptable in the area I'm in.

I'm AMAB who has always presented myself as a clean cut square. For some time I have had the urge to 1) dye my hair a color like blue or red, 2) start wearing Birkenstocks, 3) get a nose piercing, 4) get a bob or pixie cut hairdo. Lately have been "questioning" as someone mentioned that perhaps my "egg is cracking" when I mentioned some desired fashion choices. My first thought was "no you can't be trans" because you are attracted to women. But then was introduced to the concept that one can be a lesbian trans woman and be attracted to women.

Recently an acquaintance posted a message on a social media page where they stated something about 40 something lesbians with blue hair. That was an "oh shit" moment. Is it possible this is all indeed related and I might actually be a lesbian? If so, that is wild.

As in you wanted to color your hair an unusual color like red, get ear/nose/eyebrow piercings, wear those ripped jeans and other similarly styled clothing, but didn't realize there was more to it than a desire for a makeover?

There are so many posts here where someone who is AMAB and "cracks their egg" has a wife and/or kids. Interestingly enough, it's very rare to see a post where that's not the case, or maybe it's more common that it seems and it's just not mentioned.

Are there any of you that were never married or had trouble forming romantic relationships at all? In my youth, I was terrified of asking women out. I was never really comfortable with "leading" someone else in that traditional masculine role. Dates often turned into some sort of conversation about fashion, hair, piercings, etc....fun and pleasant conversation but lacking that spark. That's happened time and time again despite being told I'm "good looking".

Also, did any of you have difficulty forming close friendships with men (if you are AMAB) or women (if AFAB)? It's like the nearly all friendships men that I've formed are with the loud, assertive types who don't hesitate to say what's on their mind.....while I'm more introverted and demure. While I've always been attracted to women, I've had "man crushes" on various men with this demeanor, not in sexual way, but it's like I gravitate toward this type of personality and vice versa. Not sure this means anything but thought I'd throw it out there in case anyone here relates.

He sent me a test the other night asking if my power went out. It didn't this time. Anyway, his response was a bit snarky almost as if to say "your power should be out and not mine". Then proceeded to send a couple texts complaining about it....like I'm supposed to get angry or something. I don't even tell him when my power goes out nor would he care if I complained about it. I did offer to help but of course he was dismissive, just wanted to complain.