u/coldservedrevenge

Is it because I went no contact too late and the damage is done?

Or am I unhappy and resentful because now I know I am right that they hated me all these years? I guess I was still hopeful that they would magically change and we would have a fairytale ending.

I want to enjoy my freedom

They made me lose everything, and I am estranged from my whole family. Nothing and nobody left from my previous life. I am a loser now. What now?

I just don't understand.

Social media shows so many mothers hating their daughters. The same dynamic all around the world. The answer can't just be culture and personality

I tried all the things I used to love to see if I feel excited again, and nope.

My mother had rage, but she was laughing and enjoying her life too. I feel so checked out.

I am just tired. I am in my 40s and I want to forget about my past and forget about them. I know they are enjoying life, I should be able to, too.

I'm trying to educate myself about my problem, I journal, I try to keep busy and live , but my past is always in my mind.

Why am I still angry and why am I still crying?

My social anxiety went down so much that I'm not sure if it was real me or reaction to my family dysfunction.

I am confident, more energetic, more talkative, even healthier. I am peaceful.

My face is relaxed. I used to have such a tense forehead and I used to not stutter but feel paralyzed to talk .

I'm an older millenial by the way. People were fine when I lived alone for university but once I started working and didn't show any signs of coupling with anybody for marriage, people literally panicked and started to ask me all sorts of questions.

What do I do all day, do I even cook for one person, I must either be a promiscuous person or so crazy that no man wants to be with me. Then I adopted a cat, everyone told me to get rid of it and if I so want a cat, adopt after marriage, because no man wants to marry a 'crazy cat lady' who is already past her prime, lol.

Mind you, 3 of those families have cats now, and their kids are living alone. They actually encouraged them to move out because they aren't getting married when they are at a ripe age either. Now all that is normal.

So I suffered for nothing.

I don't see any of them anymore but I wonder if they regret being too nosy and judgemental.

I love living alone, it's so peaceful.

Perimenopause really opens your eyes and makes you take action.

I wonder if men see the world this way all their lives?

I stopped excusing people's behavior, saving them , doing everything for them. I stopped accepting abuse and let people walk all over me.

There will be consequences and nocontact because everybody knows what they are doing.

I was such a door mat all my life, I can't believe it.

Whenever someone told her I looked like her, she refused, 'no, my son looks like me. She looks like her paternal aunts (who she hates)'.

She also thought that I was her ugly child, and my brother is the pretty one. She would make disgusted impressions to my face.

As I got older , I looked more and more like her and at almost 45, I am a carbon copy of her and I hate it.

Sadly it's not just my looks, my speech, my movement all started to be exactly like her. Who knew genetics had this much control on someone. I was low contact for years and nocontact for the last 3 years. It's not like I see her everyday and her behavior and words rub on me

Last time I saw her, she examined my face quietly and for a while. It was odd.

To me, it makes sense that a certain percentage of people will stay single. Call it 'natural selection' or something else, but there's not enough suitable people for all of us, whether it's because of personality, looks, life styles etc.

I am single, and it doesn't bother me that I couldn't find someone. I could never marry a random person .

It seems like almost everyone got married back then. Single, never married people were extremely rare .

I can't believe none of those flying monkeys told me anything. They all claimed to love me, I went above and beyond for everyone, not a single one helped me.

I feel like I was in a Truman Show situation

I need to be financially secure, I am truly alone in this world , so I want to have enough money for rainy days, sickness, retirement etc.

I am usually good at living frugally, but I'd like to hear what you are doing.

I live in a one bedroom apartment, so I have limited space to buy in bulk.

Should we also consider staying at a relatives' houses as being alone? My parents used to send me to relatives to a different city 10 hours away for holidays. I would take the bus, no cell phones, nothing. They would give me very little money and pretty much forget about me until they come and take me back. I used to stay with really old people who wouldn't let me do anything. It was so boring.

Once I started school, I was pretty much on ny own. I had a brother, but he didn't care about me at all, lol. Now I am no contact with my whole family.

I guess I mastered living alone.

I know little me would miss mom and dad even though they have never loved me or cared about me, so kidnapping myself would be plan B

As I get older, I can clearly see they just chose to treat me that way, every single day, for decades. I used to excuse them, because I didn't know any better. I sidn't have the life experience.

It usually takes a couple of days and something triggers it.

I just want to close that chapter forever and focus on my life.

I am 44. I realized that I was in survival and defense mode all my life and once I cut contact, everyday is a new a-ha moment for me. Furst tine in my life I started to analyze our family dynamics .

My heart aches for that little girl. They were cruel for no reason, caused me so much harm and got away scot free.

Unfortunately my inner child still looking for cracks to run back to her mama, even though she is an evil queen

I keep a journal, which questions can I ask myself to sort this through in my mind and heart, so I close this chapter forever and don't go back to the system ever again?