u/coldservedrevenge

Also I always find it hard to explain people why our relationship is troubled and I am no contact because people prefer visible wound and scars.

She thought I was too ugly, old and introverted to find a good husband. 'Only an old divorced man with 3 kids will accept you' her words, lol.

When I adopted my cat, she made everyone call me and pressure me to let the cat go in the streets and I can always adopt pets after I get married, because 'no one wants an old single woman with a cat' . I was already thrift-shop goods level in her eyes. She also said if my husband abuses me , she'd side with him.

I'm still single, by choice, with a 15 year old cat, live alone and no man abuses me in my home. What a sad life in my mother's eyes.

Now everyone and their dogs has cats, there are more single and divorced people than ever. I wonder if she sees it's perfectly fine and nobody cares about my relationship status.

Or do they double down in their echo chambers?

I, of course forget most of my dreams after I wake up, but for some reason I remember some of them as intense as my real life memories. I even remember a couple of my childhood dreams.

Maybe it's normal but it's odd to me.

Yes, my body is going through all sorts of changes, but I also reached to a point that even the tthought of a relationship annoys me.

I am not attracted to younger men, I also don't find older men atractive either. I live alone and these older men remind me old sorts of labor that I'm not willing to do. I do everything on my own, I entertain myself perfectly fine, my time is mine , I don't have to socialize with their family and friends. ... Why bother then? I want to be ugly , lazy and quiet at home in peace.

I don't think it's just hormons.

My algorithm sometimes drops me to the parents' side, and as expected they are all supporting and encouraging each other.

Parents who have healthy dynamics with their kids are not in the comment section giving insight and constructive criticism to these parents. They are

I stayed with my family for decades thinking that at one point they would understand, change amd respect me as a human being. It only got worse. I would grow up, become an adult with my professional respected career, my own social standing and this 'childism' would end, it never does.

Seeing how these parents talk and encourage each other on social media, I now know it's never going to happen. They only want their fake Kodak moments to compete with Joneses and little slaves for life. They don't see us as individuals. It's like we aren't human beings to them . We are just useful robots that they possess, and they want their money's worth. It's weird.

I am not looking for a partner and I sleep like a vampire, I don't spread, or turn a lot in my sleep. Half of the bed was empty anyway.

I was going to buy a new bed frame anyway and decided on a single bed frame this time.

Now I have more space for my workout eqipment and hobby stuff.

It's also easier to change the sheets.

I don't think I'll regret it

The one bedroom apartment below me is for sale. I can afford it for now to sell it in the future and buy a bigger one for myself.

The problem is the area I live in is expensive and it's rare that there are apartments on sale. It's in the radius of historically important landmarks, so they aren't allowed to build more and higher. I can't afford bigger ones yet, so this apartment will be a place holding investment for the future, if that makes sense.

This area has university students, young professionals etc.

I don't iknow if having a tenant this close would disturb my peace . They will literally hear my footsteps. I am an introvert and a non-confrontational person so I don't know.

It seems like a better investment than keeping my money in the bank if my goal is to buy a bigger apartment in the future

I have wavy hair but the wave pattern is different on top and bottom and left and right so if I'm going out for work or errands, I blow dry it.

I noticed that if I let it dry naturally it sheds more.

What are you wearing?

Who are you going to see?

I was watching a victim's dad's (his daughter was killed by his boyfriend) video. He was asking people which red flags they spotted in their relationships, so people can share with others and be careful.

So many of those things, like sleep deprivation, cruel jokes, not taking no as an answer, isolating you from friends and family, financial , physical, emotional abuse etc and more, are also done by our family members, parents but God forbid if we decide to protect ourselves and put some distance between us.

I just felt a groove on my scalp, not like one of those pits after you get steroid shots. A whole wide groove. Also I'm shedding like crazy and I wonder if the medication is worth it?

Maybe I should just let it go and switch to wigs fully?

At this point I'm questioning their mental capabilities, but then again they are very strategic . They behave differently with different people, never have an open conversation with everyone present, literally tell me to move on, but move on from their old potholed way, not from a new fresh one.

They want us to play our role and be miserable until everyone dies. It's so frustrating.

I wish they just told me that they hate me and to f* off. It would be so easier. I hate that they still pursue me expect me to accept the abuse. It's so dehumanizing, and disrespectful . It makes me feel so worthless

My favorite seasons are autumn and winter.

I love to spend time in my apartment and I love to go outside in the cold weather.

Winters are not harsh here so I consider it perfect.

I need to find myself a new hobby to tinker while I'm watching my winter shows and movies.

I want to start working out again. It was too hot all summer, so I quit it until the weather cools down.

My most recent interest is jigsaw puzzles. I already finished and glued 10 of them, and doing another one, but I simply don't have space.

Through the years I dabbled in many crafts and interesrs but after an introductory level, you need at least one room for work space and storage.

You can't have more than one project going on if you are interested in multiple things .

Same goes with anything, most of my media and books are digital, they have to be. I enjoy writing but I am running out of space to store my journals and notebooks.

It's not like I'll grow back all that hair I have lost.

Maybe I should spend my money on wigs instead of doctors and medications.

My hairloss is all around my scalp and I lost so much when I first got diagnosed and now I feel like I'm going through another episode again and it's worse than the first one.

My hair is constantly falling and Clobetasol isn't working.

Do I just make peace with my bald head?

I'm an accident, I tried for a lifetime to earn my mom's love, I finally accepted the reality and went no contact with my whole family.

Nowadays I don't only live alone, but I'm also alone in life. Hopefully I won't need anybody until I die.