u/confididnt_

I posted recently about my cousin (my mom’s niece) who has diagnosed BPD.

But now I’m here about my mom.

I am 30, my parents had me at 17/18.

When I was 15, after a few years of hell, I finally started looking into things, and started to suspect my mom had some sort of personality disorder. At the time, NPD and BPD seemed to overlap. I have tried to get my mom to go talk to a professional, but of course she won’t.

I stopped perusing any knowledge of BPD because it seemed useless and it just made me feel more and more helpless.

I am beyond exhausted. My mom’s behaviors have escalated over the last 17 or so years.

It started out very subtle throughout my life and by the time I was 14/15, it was getting really bad.

My mom and aunt had a very traumatic childhood, with both parents in addiction,

And my mom also has dealt with addiction for many years. Whether alcohol, pills, weed.

I don’t even know where to start but my mom has been raging out for years, yelling, throwing, breaking things, lying, she will say the most vile things I’ve ever heard in my life.

She constantly accuses my dad of things that are simply not true,

She thinks she can read people’s minds, and she genuinely believes her delusions.

A lot of times she simply doesn’t make any logical sense when she gets in her “modes”.

Nothing is good enough for her. She s never worked. I’m an only child. She demands my dad pay all her bills. She’s hateful. She never takes accountability. Im serious, NEVER. And I’m saying this as someone who is careful with using absolutes.

She blames everyone else for her problems even when it makes no sense. She has always gaslit me, started arguments for no reason then tried to flip it on me like I was the problem.

I have gone no contact with her, and I still talk to my dad because he is not like her at all. She blames my dad for me going no contact, as if he turned me against her. But I have told her many times before that she is the reason I don’t talk to her. It’s been this way for YEARS, before my dad even realized the way she acts isn’t normal! I clocked it years ago!

But it is hard when my dad doesn’t really leave.

But he is more and more at the point where he cannot live this way. He doesn’t want to live the lifestyle she lives. He now knows she is mentally unstable.

I think he doesn’t leave because it’s all he’s known. He’s been with her since they were 15.

I guess the point of this is I want to understand more about BPD, but without her actually getting diagnosed, I’m obviously not sure if she even has BPD.

Does anyone have a similar experience? Where can I read more about BPD? Does this sound like BPD traits?

This might be a long post, and I’m trying to condense down our life story to where it makes sense.

I’m 30, she’s 21. I’ll call her Kenzie.

My mom and her mom are sisters.

We both grew up in a dysfunctional family.

Our grandparents were addicts (our grandma still is. Our grandpa died in 2025)

Our moms were also addicts.

Kenzie also has two younger siblings, and I helped take care of all of them when I was a teenager due to their mom being deep in addiction. I left high school to help, and to try to focus on my own mental health. With everything going on in our family, high school was the last thing on my mind.

We’ve all experienced trauma.

Their dad worked a lot so he wasn’t around much but he is a good dad.

When my younger cousin was about a year old, and Kenzie was 12, their dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. (He’s still alive and doing pretty well).

My aunt found out she was pregnant again a week later after he was diagnosed. Talk about traumatic. This was 9 years ago.

Kenzie always acted out since she was a kid. My aunt never disciplined her, never told her no. When I was around, I tried to atleast guide her in some way . It was hard to get her to just brush her teeth and shower. She wouldn’t get out of bed, she would eat snacks in my bed, never clean up. Kenzie often cussed me out, told me she wished I would die in a car accident, stuff like that. All because I was trying to tell her to brush her teeth, told her she could no longer eat chips and stuff in my bed. I was doing the best I could at a young age, while my mom was a raging alcoholic and was and is still abusive. (I’ve cut most contact with my mom too)

Fast forward to now. She’s 21, recently got kicked out of college because she kept having breakdowns and was getting sent to a psychiatrist. She lost her scholarship. She has gone through many many relationships, usually short lived, because of her mental illnesses. (She says she’s diagnosed with BPD, bipolar 1, adhd).

She also jumps around jobs. Right now she’s a barista.

I am 30. I moved out of my home state 4 years ago. I am engaged. My fiancé and I have lived in Florida for 2 years while running a cleaning business. We cleaned for military families on the air force bases.

Now we live in Georgia in his home town, kicking off another business.

I have focused on my own personal growth and I am pretty damn proud of myself.

Kenzie will randomly text me or post about me on social media despite us not having a conversation in 5 years.

It’s almost what I would call a smear campaign. Most of the stuff she says is either untrue, fabricated, or a projection. It’s like she just believes nonsense about me, assumes she knows my life and what I’m thinking.

She tries to “one up” me, frequently using the fact that I never graduated high school, and that she is better than me because she (was) in college.

She tries to say she has more life experience than me.

She even recently used the fact that I don’t drive. I have my license but I don’t drive because I have eyesight problems.

My birthday is in March and it seems to usually be around my bday that she does this stuff and every time it’s been unprovoked. I don’t reach out to her, i mostly leave her alone.

I was told by a family member recently that she posted on social media about me, bashing me and my fiancé,

Making a list of all of her “accomplishments” compared to mine. (Her accomplishments other than going to college were just nonsense things that are petty)

Which she doesn’t even know mine because I don’t let her know anything about my life.

She tries to say she makes her own money, and recently tried to use the fact that MY dad (who is also a business owner) has helped us financially some, so we can get the business kicked off again after moving states.

Well, I found out she FREQUENTLY asks MY parents (her aunt and uncle) for money!

I’m so over this nonsense. I’ve blocked her but she continues to post on social media, bashing me and my fiancé for no good reason. I don’t even know why she hates me.

Does this sound par for the course? Because I don’t know what else to do. She is trying to ruin my reputation.

About 4-6 weeks ago my husband and I started cleaning out some rooms in our house.

There was some mice droppings that we vacuumed up using a rainbow vacuum. It wasn’t like an infestation but it was more than just a few droppings.

At the time we had no idea you aren’t supposed to do that. We weren’t even aware of hantavirus until the recent outbreak brought it to our attention.

We weren’t wearing masks or anything, we just didn’t think anything of it.

We are in northeast Georgia in the US.

I also have OCD and anxiety so that isn’t helping. How cooked are we?

About 4-6 weeks ago my husband and I started cleaning out some rooms in our house.

There was some mice droppings that we vacuumed up using a rainbow vacuum. It wasn’t like an infestation but it was more than just a few droppings.

At the time we had no idea you aren’t supposed to do that. We weren’t even aware of hantavirus until the recent outbreak brought it to our attention.

We weren’t wearing masks or anything, we just didn’t think anything of it.

We are in northeast Georgia in the US.

I also have OCD and anxiety so that isn’t helping. How cooked are we?