u/confuusee

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HUNG Bottoms ONLY 

I'm curious, when did the preference for HUNG Bottoms became a thing ?

As a top, it has never crossed my mind, whether the bottoms I hook up with are hung or not. Frankly, at no point am I ever even thinking about his penis, before, during or after our encounter. 

The majority bottoms I've been with doesn't want their penis to be touched during sex and a few others would ask if I can jerk them while being penetrated from behind.

On apps I'm seeing so many other tops exclusively wanting hung bottoms for hookups. I know oral tops are out there, but if a bottom is not 8+ you're not interested in the guy ?

I've had so many bottoms sending me dicckk pics before their ass and when I ask, it's usually, "just letting you know I'm hung" I'm like huh ?  Why ? Why would I care if you're hung or not or even have a penis?

Then there's the bottom with user name like "Hung Bottoms" or " 9" Bottom", which baffles me, becUse if you're not using that 9" to top, what's the relevance of this information ?

I've met other bottoms that felt a sigh of relief, not having to confirm they're hung before a hook up or having to see cokck pics etc. Bottoms are already under scrutiny for perfection, is this a new one to the list ?

Did I lose him ?

I've been single for a while, but honestly have been jaded by the scene and put very minimal effort into dating, as prior it just felt like people only wanted sex dates or did the bare minimum on their part.

I met a guy recently online and we've been chatting, he's been wanting to meet up and while I want to meet as well, I didn't want to plan like I usually do, so it turned out that he was in an area I was with my friend, and I asked if he wanted to swing by and say hi to my and my friend. He was honest and said he'd prefer another time, since I was with a friend but I insisted.

He joined me and my friend and almost immediately, you could see the sparks between the two of them. My friend is also single and say more nonchalant towards dating but have always said if he comes across the right guy, he'd want to pursue something serious.

I didn't mention much about the guy, other than it's someone I'm meeting up that I was supposed to meet a while back. My friend is super smart and even more funny and generally a people person, someone people warm up to immediately. The crazy part is, whole my interest to meet this guy was low, meeting him in person I almost immediately liked him and definitely want to date him, but the chemistry between him and my friend may ruin my opportunity.

After méeting up, I sent him a message and expressed I was happy we eventually met. He replied saying, yes it was good that we all met up in person and it was a cool evening. My friend asked me if it's someone I was trying to date and the moment he asked, I knew he had interest in the guy too. I said "not really , I just wanted to test the vibe"..LSS..He had exchanged socials with my friend and they seem to be talking now, and the guy basically stop answering my texts.. I don't want to look desperate, but my friend shared that he's been talking to "my friend" alot and plan to hang out soon and if I want to join them.. what do I do now!

The entire thing is so awkward now, I'm sad, feel dumb and wish I had not invited him with my friend around ...

Perhaps it's a big city thing, but years ago when I thought about drugs in the community, it was Synonymous with no colour folks.

These days many black gays are into drugs, okay with it, and need it for sex.. attended a house party recently and almosi everybody was sniffing something, my naive ass asked someone what he was taking and he said "stop playing a fool, you had some already?" I said had some of what ?!

On apps people are asking if you have or want or need it to hVe fun? Nobody has natural sex anymore without enhancers and some type of drugs ? Or that's long gone ?

I Skedaddle outta there... Am I missing out on a new trend ?

Guy lives with his MOTHER...

Met a great guy recently, I live alone and eventually looking to have something serious, where we likely move in together.

I rent and he recently purchased a home, but his mother lives there. He's made it clear how close he is with his mother and having her around is important to him that's the reason he asked her to move in, that's also the reason he purchased a house instead of a condo.

However, I can't imagine being in a serious relationship for long if we are both living apart or in separate homes, equally I can't imagine giving up my own comoft, where I can walk around naked or however I want , to now having to be mindful that someone else other than my partner is also in the house. I'd generally feel uncomfortable. I know she's a sweet lady, but I feel neither of us will be able to be fully authentic in the house, since we'll have to be mindful of so much. 

Like I wouldn't be able to come home and just randomly in a horny mood, drop everything and start having sex on the couch or in the kitchen or whatever. 

Am I wrong for feeling this would put some limitations on our relationship ?

I want us to see the real and unfiltered version of both of us and I feel this won't be the case if I move in with him.

I'm not a selfish guy, but I feel starting a new chapter with someone and family too closely involved could jeopardize things. I feel if we had live together prior and he later sais, hey would it be okay for my mom to move in with us for x y z reason, that would be a different case.

I dunno, I don't want to ruin something so good, but also wouldn't be honest with myself or him if I pretend it all good.

I'm very kinky and noticed that the regular platforms like tindr doesn't provide an outlet to really find like minded people, it's usually a miss or hit there, since most people appear "normal".

I want to be completely owned by someone, be their sex toy, and fully obedient, but as my lover and partner, not just for random hookups. I feel there's a sense of shame even in our community when guys want anything outside of the box .. guys had any success on any apps or places ?

Normally, revealing this to guys on regular gay apps usual turns into rejection, as they thought I wanted a regular relationship.i want to be humiliated and publicly known that my owner is in my presence.

I have no problem with being gay or with the community, but people knowing my sexuality isn't something I'm comfortable with, it's my business and I don't feel anyone is owed knowing I like men or not.

I go to gay bars and do everything even pride events etc and in a fully committed and monogamous relationship for 6 years with my partner. I adore his entire existence and love him to the moon and back, but coming out is not something I'm willing to do.

Here's what he considers coming out: Everyone knowing I'm gay, from co workers to people in our building etc etc to know we're a couple.

No - nobody at work needs to know my business and I'm sure people in the building knows we're a couple. I have two separate friends group, my straight friends from childhood and college etc, I believe they think I'm straight, neither here or there if they don't think so, some might not anymore.

Then I gay my gay friends, people I met over the years, these groups never come in contact, because they serve a different purpose in my life. My partner knows both sides, though he's only known as a friend to my straight friends, a very close friend. My partner is very involved in my life, everyone practically knows him, whether they think we're just friends or not, so what is the big deal if I'm not screaming to everyone that he's my partner?

Now he's saying it's impacting our relationship, when everything else is perfect. I enjoy a low keen life, he knew this from we met, he knew how I felt about overly openness. He was always okay with it, now suddenly there's this shift since I proposed to him. I want to marry him as he's the love of my life, but I want a court house wedding, simple and we're officially a couple, he wants to involve friends and family ugh..

Are we going to address the elephant in the room?

Why are majority gay men single, besides the generic literature and podcasts hosts opinions, it's not just people not willing to compromise or people emotionally unavailable or people ghosting, it's a lot to so with sexual incompatibly.

Whenever I hear relationship gurus ×roll eyes* say things like, our community focuses too much on top or bottom labels, it irks my soul, because a major part of our compatibility has to do with sexual compatibility.

Unlike the hetros, the woman knows exactly her sexual role in the bedroom, so once their personalities are compatible and mutual attraction aligns, it's pretty much a done deal, we now have our newest set of lovers. For us on the other hand, two bottoms simply won't be a match, neither will two tops or a top and verse top or a bottom with verse bottom or completely versatile.

The ratio will simply and sadly leave majority gay men single. It's like telling a man to be willing to date a woman who's not capable of having sex, and telling him to fall in love with her personality and that will make up for the lack of sex. I used to believe gay relationships are no different from hetros, until I realize how this component changes the entire dynamic of the community.

If this is so important to gay dating, why are so many men leaving this imperative information off on their dating profiles ? A friend recently went on 5 dates in a month and they all turned out to be bottoms as well, and as sweet and great as the dates were, there's simply no match. The same friend is "annyoned" when people state if they're top or bottom on their profiles, as it's "distasteful and make one appear to not be serious about dating and focused on sex". He however, reaches out to men that states that they're tops, hmmmm.Clearly non replied.

What's the solution to this, as people can't click a switch and assume a sexual role they don't enjoy and majority gay men are not A-sexual, and even some a-sexual and sizes, have preference for a top or bottom.

As a single bottom, have you given up or trying to be more verse to appeal to a wider demographic of single men?

As a single top, are you overwhelmed by options or you're equally as single as most bottoms?

Please don't come delusionally bragging about " I don't know where you guys live, but 90% gay men in my area are tops".

It's 2026, that's all I have to say on the last directed quote.

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Backstory, I'm a Black guy, 5'11, toned, masculine and a decent 8". I've dated and hooked up with all kinds of men. The first time I visited Japan, I was convinced my next bf would be Japanese, I said the same thing after visiting India for work, the same after visiting Germany for the first time and the same thing after visiting Ghana and South Africa. Needless to say, I find men purely beautiful from every race and I'm big on connection and energy, so once those two are in the green, I'm even x10 more physically attracted to the person.

Living in a city like NYC, walking in Hells Kitchen you see the most beautiful Black, White, Asian and the list goes on, type of men, whew 😅 makes sense why everyone is single, how do you stay focus on one guy when you're in a walking men's magazine. 

I'm usually vanilla and this year I decided I want to branch out more and be a bit more sponteaous and open in my mind 20s. A White guy hit me up on Grindr, said he's Verse bottom but he's not in the mood to bottom/ready, but wanted us to meet up to make out and cuddle etc, I was horny to F, but said fine, sometimes a little cuddle and oral does the job. 

He assumed I wasn't entirely fine with this and suggested to find a bottom, so I could fuck the bottom. I've NEVER had a 3 SUM before, so again, I said whatever, yes, let's do it. He wanted me to find a bottom since he believe he doesn't give off top masculine energy on his profile, I couldn't be bothered and said we don't have to find a third, he was persistent and started to chat with a few guys before I arrived,  he shared my photo and said two guys were excited to join us.

Eventually one confirmed. I got to the hotel first and I'm making out with the white guy, it's going okay, and about 5 mins later a Latino guy shows up, nice body etc. Immediately he gets undressed and we walk over to hug him, but he goes directly to the White guy and starts kissing him, theyre kissing for about 10 mins non-stop and I'm caressing both at the same time.

They stopped kissing and I'm kissing on the latino's neck and ears, but he's tunnel vision on the White guy, it becomes quite obvious and the White guy suggested for him to turn around so we could all kiss, instead, he starts licking on the White guy's neck and the White guy and I start making out again. I get he may not be into me or attracted in person, which is fine, but then the entire thing became so awkward. I can also understand since the white guy contacted him, he felt more energy towards him.

I said let me give it one more go, and not be a Debbie Downer, the White guy is pushing him towards me at the edge of the bed, and he keeps pulling himself back to the White guy and start sucking his D, so the White guy looks at me and heavy sigh and roll his eyes.. At which point I realize, this is not a 3 some, I'm just  a prop here or intruding his time with his guy. 

I stopped, and said hey I have to go, you guys enjoy, and the White guy is trying to remove the latino's head to get off the bed to come towards me, but he wouldn't move his head. I threw on my shorts and t shirt and left. 

Before anyone assums or crazily thinks crazy, I doubt this is a race issue, unless I'm being native and more of an attraction issue. I'm not God's gift to every men (perhaps majority hehe), but he knew a the third guy would be a Black guy.

Was leaving a dramatic move or that's how most 3 some usuAlly goes, it was my first, very spontaneous so wasn't sure what to expect. 

Just trying to see if this happened to others, where youay have agreed to a group or 3 some but only want to play with one person instead of both or everyone body there.

Can gay men find real love ?

I've commonly heard gay men don't fall in love with personalities, face, character or intellect, but primarily based on 🍆 size and the ability to use it, therefore, for most bottoms, the 🧠 brain is wired as peepee 🍆 first then personality after.

I use my circle as an example, but I'm sure you have your own stories to share. I don't think much about it until I'm hooking up or dating, I don't even consider myself "big" but I know I have more girth than probably 90% of men, so that works in my favor and the reaction has always been "wow" or "omg" to "that looks painful". No I'm not posting any pictures here - you ...nevermind.

The last two guys I dated made me feel like a sex object, it was almost impossible to have conversations without making a joke or reference towards my size and while I'm a touchy guy, one ex would touch my crotch inappropriately in public and when I asked him to stop, he said "well get it smaller so it's not always staring at me" TF... Anyways... I wasn't compatible with either of them and ended the relationship, the incompatibly was obvious, from personality, values, aspirations and more, made me even wonder what took me so long to end it.

After mutually agreeing on incompatibly, neither wanted to end the relationship and for the same reason. My first ex said he's "fallen in love with my 🍆 and can't live without it" and 2nd ex said "Can we do open relationship instead, where you can top other men, but guarantee I'm getting topped regularly?" I wouldn't even consider an open relationship if I was drunk, so that was a major turn off.

I slowly noticed, these guys were obsessed with my 🍆 and I was just secondary in the situation, both have become stalkers at this point. (Another whole story).

My best friend on the other hand is perhaps every man and woman's dream.

6'4ft toned/muscular built, organically masculine, clueless to gay culture, Iowa born and farm raised, now a big shot professional, but has a small 🍆, he gets amazing date options, but once the sex comes into plAy, regardless of how genuine the guy appeared to be before or wasn't focused on sex or said they were A-sexual, the interest would slowly fades and he's aware it's due to his size. It's frustrating for him as he's a top, and concluded not being above averAge or well hung may leave him in a single status...neither of us are delusional and knows sex is important in a relationship, but can D size force one to be in love based on sex and can size be a deterrent to miss out on an opportunity to be loved exceptionally?

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Why do gay men want other men to be mind readers?

I met a guy that was visiting my city and we hit off on the date, kept in touch everyday for 6 months, and after flying to see him in his country for a week, I LEFT THE SECOND NIGHT !

Timeline:

Matched the Wednesday and decided to meet up for a walk on Friday. We walked for hours, grabbed food n between and spoke about everything  under the roof and we had a good time. No sex or hook up, just hugged goodbye and left feeling really HAPPY 😁 

1-2 MONTH 

Exceptional communication - He messages everyday and we talk about everything, we face time 1-2x a week and send video messages more frequently base on our time difference. Important to note, I'm top and had that on my profile for the good ole "compatibility reasons". The guy that first wrote this on a profile deserves an award because almost every gay under the sun uses that tag line (Off track here, but it reminds me of  couples profile "Happily married / partnered to amazing man, just looking fun and friends or dates) they deserve an award too. Anyways, I had to get some joke in before reashing this experience. 

Needless to say, I knew he was either bottom, verse or verse bottom, which didn't matter because I really liked him and somehow refreshing that by this time none of our conversation focused on sex or exchanging nudes etc.

3rd - 4th MONTH

We start planning my trip to visit him. Everything is going well as normal and I'm starting to feel like this guy could potentially be a life partner, he's clicking boxes I didn't even know I had or showing me things I didn't even knew I wanted in a partner.

5th MONTH

Two weeks before my trip, out of nowhere he started some explicit and sexual conversation and I was a little surprised, but said it's whatever, I like him, it's all good. He started to share kinks, some I was fine with and others had me a bit skeptical, but since nothing involved drug use etc, I said fine and played along. By the week prior to my visit everyday our conversation was about sex, mainly how he loves sex, he wants to be my sex toy etc and I'll never need permission from him to have sex. I have a very high sex drive, but I'm not a sexting type of guy in general, but he would say things like "if I'm sleeping and you feel horny, doesn't matter the time, just start f,..,king me" 

"Anywhere you want me to submit to you I'll do it "

"He loves rough sex etc and wants to be my sex object, but also want to be loved like regular partner" Which is all fine by me. He kept reminding me how much he loves sex and wants it every day and several times a day.

**ARRIVAL  TO HIS COUNTRY** 

DAY 1:

He picks me up at the airport and thankfully from I saw him I got an erection and was so horny for him. We get to his place and he immediately starts sucking me for about 30 mins... We both were a bit tired, took a nap and woke up around 4 hours later. He took me to dinner then we got back to the house and he immediately started sucking me again. About 20 mins in, I flipped him on the bed to start fucking him and he starts to put up resistance, and said he's tired and pushes me off.

Shocked 😲 and confused, he turned his back to me, then a few mins later he wanted me to cuddle him And we fell asleep. 

DAY 2:

The next morning I woke up annoyed and a bit upset. He was already on the road when I woke and he texted to ask what I wanted to eat and I said to him let's talk when you get back, which he knew wAs about the previous night. We went for a walk to discuss and he explained he took sleeping pills because he didn't sleep properly the night before, but I couldn't wrap my head around him pushing me off aggressively.... He did say he wanted me to rape him several times, but  I'm not trying that especially in a foreign country and not sure how serious he was with his NO. 

We went for dinner at his friend place and on our way back, he's all over me again and telling me he wants me to f..k him badly. Get back to his place and we start foreplaying from in the elevator, get to the apartment and he's sucking me all the good stuff, I throw him on his back, prep his 🍑 to fkk him and he closes back his legs, rolled to the side of the bed and ask me to stop.

So I pinned him down in bed and said "hey, talk to me, what's going on, I'm confused, do you not want to have sex ? Communicate with me please because this is the second night this is happening" he just made some inaudible gibberish and I left the room.

I woke deciding the best thing was for me to leave. Thankfully I have a colleague that lives in neighboring city and was able to host me instead of having to stay at a hotel for the rest of the week. He text me after I left "I sad and disappointed it didn't work out and was hoping it did" 

A friend said I was being too pushy for sex and wasn't "listening". One said he's probably a side and said all of that to lure me in"

After 6 months of tunnel vision focusing on this guy,, I feel like a complete IDIOT..

Ghosted by FWB

Call me naive I guess.

1. Met this guy a few weeks back and realized I was catfished, but he looked x2 better than the fake picture on his profile. Whatever we had great chemistry. Day 2, he asked for us to hook up again, saying he loved how dominant and rough I was with him.

2. 3rd time hooking up, he asked me to take condoms so I could fuck him. We tried but he said it was hurting and he continued to suck.

3. Couple days after I left my phone Grindr and woke up to a message from him that he sent 5 hours prior along with other guys, but I was asleep. He asked if I'd be in his area later to hook up and I explained yes, but it would be late so let's play by ear.

4. Later arrives and he messaged me. I told him I can get to hiS place in about 30 mins and he said cool. 10 mins out I gave him a heads-up and he said okay. I get to hiS building and he said to give him 5 mins, 5 mins turned to 15 mins, I'm waiting, messaged again and he said give him a few, a few turned into another 15 mins.

5. I told him I have to leave so let's do this another night. 15 mins after he sends a message saying his phone battery died and aKed where I was*. Told him I was about 15 mins away from him now, and asked if he was ready and if we are going to do this tonight or not ? He reads the message, I waited another 15-20 mins for him to reply as it's shows he's online. Nothing .... Just showing he's online and no response.

Was I wrong for getting annoyed and BLOCK him?

 Whether he was actively hooking up or I was his plan B for the night ... and his plan A was giving him uncertainty so he had me in a limbo, Why have someone wAate their time ? The least he could do is make up  lie he's not feeling well or whatever..

Friend said this is normal hook up behavior, I desperately want to disagree, but feel I'm also being naive again.. Friend said after waiting 10 mins he would have left, but this is someone I've hooks up with 3 times and seem like a decent guy.. bizarre.