u/contourkitt

hi! newbie and longtime lurker here. after perusing and studying a bunch of subs, i’ve had a few things on my mind after my first purchase.

from my understanding, factory names are solely community names used to help us distinguish different manufacturers/suppliers. i’ve seen a lot of sellers know exactly what these names mean when people refer to them, while some sellers may not

if multiple sellers all claim they can source from the same factory how do we actually know that? or are we mostly relying on the sellers rep and the experience of members who’ve spent years buying, comparing batches, and contributing to repscience?

a lot of sellers use platforms like swego and what’s to stop someone from using widely circulated factory photos in their own album? does having an album actually mean they have access to that factory, or is it a catalogue that anyone could put together??

my first purchase was actually a really positive experience overall, despite the fact that i’ve since realised there may not have been full transparency. i’m not looking to call out my seller or anything, i’m just trying to understand why a seller would confirm a bag is made from a material or sourced from a specific factory if it isn’t.

like the bigger picture.. if a seller knowingly misrepresented the factory, what would the incentive be? once buyers receive their bags and compare them, or ask experienced members for help and start recognising factory specific details etc.. wouldn’t that eventually bring the seller’s rep into question?

SORRY for the long post. i’m still getting used to being in unfamiliar territory. i’m used to having a very trained eye when it comes to my main hobbies. i’m not used to being a newbie anywhere and it’s honestly been a really humbling experience. sometimes i even get anxious commenting or posting as i’m still learning and don’t want to sound dumb

thanks in advance to anyone willing to share any knowledge. i’m just trying to understand how all of this works 🤍

i have tried to post this once before and i apologise in advance because idk where to put all of this or what i am looking for exactly. i’ve been a longtime lurker and im coming onto here because i am so close to losing my mind. i found out my bf of almost 3 years has been watching pornography. it was one of my non-negotiable boundaries from the very beginning and he knew exactly how i felt about it.

i feel completely blindsided and i’m aware i’m probably repeating a script and going through the motions that most women in here go through, but the hardest thing to grapple with is that i don’t think he’s a bad person. i still love him so much and i know he feels guilty. and looking back now, i can see little moments where he wanted to tell me abt his addiction.

he ended up telling me because i said i needed to tell him something serious. he assumed i was about to confess that i had been watching porn too???? and that’s when he finally told me. and somehow that makes me even sadder and just adds so much more weight onto me. i’m left wondering why he didn’t just come to me. why didn’t he talk to me?

i would have done anything for him. i have done everything for him. i have gone so far out of my way to support him, love him, reassure him, make him feel safe. im so upset. i can’t help but feel like i’m so much weaker than i thought i was. and i know logically this isn’t my fault but im freaking out

i would never tell any one of you the things i’ve been telling myself. i feel humiliated and i feel disrespected and when he told my my heart dropped. it felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest. i feel so vulnerable that i don’t even want him looking at me it hurts too much. i don’t want him touching me or even talking to me.

i’ll be okay for an hour and then suddenly i’m crying and hyperventilating like im insane. then i’m okay again. then i’m angry. then i’m devastated. then i’m angry again. i genuinely feel like i’m in mourning and i don’t know of what.

i would never do this to him. finding out that he was hiding this from me has shattered something in me. i don’t care if anyone views it as just porn, this is infidelity to me and it’s left me feeling fragmented inside. to me it feels the same as if he were in bed with someone else

and every new piece of information somehow makes me feel worse. every explanation just gives me something else to think about. i’ve had experiences in my life when it comes to consent and content that make this issue feel very personal and very painful. pornography has never been a neutral topic for me i do not want to deal with it in my life ever or even hear about it or even have to talk about it

and at the same time i keep comparing myself to whatever he has looked at even though i know that it’s asinine. i don’t know how to trust him again. i don’t know what boundaries to put in place. i don’t even know why i’m staying. i used to speak so surely, i would tell myself i was strong enough to leave if this ever happened. and now that i am in a situation like this i just feel so small.

i don’t know what healing is supposed to look like. i’m used to going to him to help me calm back down but he’s the source of all of my pain right now and i feel so lost. i have never in my life felt the way i feel right now. i feel so so small