u/cookie_monster_2002

I 24F and my partner 24M have been together for almost 7 years.

We met online and through mutual friends and we started dating quite fast. We moved in together after 7 months due to the pandemic.

Our relationship was amazing, we did activities together, we talked all the time, cooked together, played games and overall just enjoyed being with one another.

Our issues started after his mom passed suddenly in the night 2 years into our relationship. It was devastating, I had connected to her and truly loved her. His family fell apart after that. It's been 4 years and they still do not talk to each other (there was lawyers involved and threats made between his family and it crumbled). I do not think he full grieved given the timeline of events as it was BOOM one after another.

We got engaged a year after the events and have been growing our furry family since, we have two rescue dogs and two rescue cats. Now for context I have struggled with mental health my whole life, I have seen psychologists, therapists, doctors, and psychiatrists since I was 6 years old. I have always owned my own struggles and am still taking medications and going to therapy as I want to be the best version of myself especially now that I have young nephews to watch out for.

My partner does not believe in therapy. He consistently makes the judgement that it "doesnt work" and that it is a "waste of time". Over the last 4 years our relationship has crumbled as well. He no longer talks to me, we no longer go on dates, or do activities together willingly. My partner and I both work 5 days a week, we have one vehicle (mine) and I work 20min away so I use it daily. We split rent, he pays my car loan, I pay the car insurance, I pay the home insurance, we split the vet bills, we split gas and groceries depending on what week it is (I get paid one week and he the next). We also break up utilities and he pays wifi and power one month and I the next.

I have a group of work friends that I enjoy to go out with and I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders when I am away from him.

We fight constantly, days without talking, he ignores me, only ever wants to play games with his cousin online, spends money on frivolous games, snacks, smokes the devils lettuce and does whatever he wants. We havent been intimate in a year and a half because I am so sad and feel like that is all he cares about, as he often brings up bjs and hand jobs which he knows I am uncomfortable with, and how we dont do it anymore. We dont even cuddle. I dont even feel anything for him laying next to him.

We cannot even have a basic conversation, I bring up basic home chores that need to be done or things he promised to do, or just about basic budgeting and finances and he flips. He shuts down, lies to me about doing things and raises his voice at me. This causes me to shut down or on the now rare occasion I would also raise my voice, which I have not done in a long time because I just dont care anymore.

He gets mad that I no longer cuddle him or have sex with him, he doesnt like when I call him out on his shit. He likes to act like a toddler when he gets mad. Slamming cupboards, walking away, and playing on his phone. When I try to have a conversation with him he ignores me or disregards my feelings. He claims he "blanks out" and that he "cant think" of a response, or if he does think of a response he only says "okay" "I dont know" "my mind is empty".

We had a falling out last christmas, where I gave him the ultimatum to either go to therapy or leave. He said he would try therapy. We started sessions in January this year, after the first 3 sessions I thought it was going well. But after the fourth session I noticed all he does is nod along and say he "doesnt know" to the therapists answers. He also was not even wanting to try the exercises she gave us. So I canceled it. Our insurance wasnt covering it and I was the only one paying for it.

I have been talking to my parents about this and they think I should leave him. I dont disagree with them. But I cant seem to bring myself to pull the trigger and say im done. I feel like it would be easier if he was the one to end it or even if he cheated on me at this point. I just dont know what to do.

I 24F and my partner 24M have been together for almost 7 years.

We met online and through mutual friends and we started dating quite fast. We moved in together after 7 months due to the pandemic.

Our relationship was amazing, we did activities together, we talked all the time, cooked together, played games and overall just enjoyed being with one another.

Our issues started after one of his parents passed suddenly in the night 2 years into our relationship. It was devastating, I had connected to her and truly loved her. His family fell apart after that. It's been 4 years and they still do not talk to each other (there was lawyers involved and threats made between his family and it crumbled). I do not think he full grieved given the timeline of events as it was BOOM one after another.

We got engaged a year after the events and have been growing our furry family since, we have two rescue dogs and two rescue cats. Now for context I have struggled with mental health my whole life, I have seen psychologists, therapists, doctors, and psychiatrists since I was 6 years old. I have always owned my own struggles and am still taking medications and going to therapy as I want to be the best version of myself especially now that I have young nephews to watch out for.

My partner does not believe in therapy. He consistently makes the judgement that it "doesnt work" and that it is a "waste of time". Over the last 4 years our relationship has crumbled as well. He no longer talks to me, we no longer go on dates, or do activities together willingly. My partner and I both work 5 days a week, we have one vehicle (mine) and I work 20min away so I use it daily. We split rent, he pays my car loan, I pay the car insurance, I pay the home insurance, we split the vet bills, we split gas and groceries depending on what week it is (I get paid one week and he the next). We also break up utilities and he pays wifi and power one month and I the next.

I have a group of work friends that I enjoy to go out with and I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders when I am away from him.

We fight constantly, days without talking, he ignores me, only ever wants to play games with his cousin online, spends money on frivolous games, snacks, smokes the devils lettuce and does whatever he wants. We havent been intimate in a year and a half because I am so sad and feel like that is all he cares about, as he often brings up bjs and hand jobs which he knows I am uncomfortable with, and how we dont do it anymore. We dont even cuddle. I dont even feel anything for him laying next to him.

We cannot even have a basic conversation, I bring up basic home chores that need to be done or things he promised to do, or just about basic budgeting and finances and he flips. He shuts down, lies to me about doing things and raises his voice at me. This causes me to shut down or on the now rare occasion I would also raise my voice, which I have not done in a long time because I just dont care anymore.

He gets mad that I no longer cuddle him or have sex with him, he doesnt like when I call him out on his shit. He likes to act like a toddler when he gets mad. Slamming cupboards, walking away, and playing on his phone. When I try to have a conversation with him he ignores me or disregards my feelings. He claims he "blanks out" and that he "cant think" of a response, or if he does think of a response he only says "okay" "I dont know" "my mind is empty".

We had a falling out last christmas, where I gave him the ultimatum to either go to therapy or leave. He said he would try therapy. We started sessions in January this year, after the first 3 sessions I thought it was going well. But after the fourth session I noticed all he does is nod along and say he "doesnt know" to the therapists answers. He also was not even wanting to try the exercises she gave us. So I canceled it. Our insurance wasnt covering it and I was the only one paying for it.

I have been talking to my parents about this and they think I should leave him. I dont disagree with them. But I cant seem to bring myself to pull the trigger and say im done. I feel like it would be easier if he was the one to end it or even if he cheated on me at this point. I just dont know what to do.