u/crystalkitty06

I know this isn’t rational lol so if there’s anything you can offer to make me feel better that’d be great! My almost 8mo has been only cosleeping with me since around 6 weeks old and contact napping as it’s the only way he would sleep at all, and I’ve always been totally for it and love the attachment I’ve given him. I was prepared to be stuck in contact naps for much longer as I had low expectations. Once he was about to turn 6 months I started trying to do just his first nap in the crib and it’d always be just 30 min on the dot. Transfers were suddenly going really smoothly. It was nice cause I could just have a second to myself, easily make breakfast, whatever it may be. After like a month he randomly did an hour, and I slowly started trying for his other naps too. He still does 30 min a lot but he’s even gone up to 2.5 hours napping in there without a fuss!! I’m a SAHM and I cosleep and nurse him all night. I love it but it’s a lot, so it is really nice to have the time to myself during those naps. But yet I was so prepared for him to not take to it that I was dedicated to giving him that high nurture contact all the time, that I have this guilty nagging feeling in the back of my head!! But rationally I know he is just fine and gets SO much from me and I’ve never left him to cry so I know if he really didn’t want to nap alone, he’d cry for me. But alas, he’s doing just fine on his own! So I’m trying to enjoy it😅 I know so many people would kill for this at the end of the day!

Bedtime is another story though lol…he NEEDSSS me.

7 years old, active, healthy. My dogs sleep in their crates in our bedroom and my husband let them out to go outside and he seemed normal. He said he can’t tell when he started seeming off and wasn’t paying attention, but when he came in to have breakfast rather jumping for his food like crazy as he normally is, he was just standing there with his tail tucked. But he did eat his food. He came upstairs and just sat down frozen, wouldn’t even move his head in the slightest while I called to him. I went and tried to move him and he was shaking and just so stiff. He eventually just laid all the way down and is now laying here, shaking a bit, does not want to move. Is this a sign he’s in serious pain all of a sudden? Not sure what is going on.

We spent 1k yesterday for my cats dental so of course my husband is being annoying about wanting to take him to the vet (it’s Saturday so they’re closed and emergency it is) but this is really concerning me. He has gotten into some things while we were gone recently, usually just shreds up plastic and stuff, could he be acting like this over an obstruction? Just weird how sudden it seemed and he did still eat breakfast.

Lol. So I’ve been sleeping on the floor with my 7 month old since he was a month old on our zinus memory foam mattress. It’s always seemed firm enough, caves just a tad with his body, so not ideal but has felt good enough. It’s what we’ve had for years with a topper to make it soft for us so I just took it all off to cosleep while my husband is in another room. My hips definitely hurt in the night even with thick pillow support but I’ve at least adjusted. Something I really don’t like is that the older zinus models which we have, was made with fiberglass in them and it just doesn’t feel like a healthy option. We sold my really old car and my husband told me I could decide what to do with the money, so I wanted a new bed of course. I wanted a king for us one day anyways, and my parents visit us from out of town a lot and are stuck on a full bed pretty uncomfortably so now the queen can go there! Perfect solution haha. I impulsively got the SOL firm mattress, my husband had to get 2 friends to help get it upstairs in the box cause it’s fucking 200 lbs.

Now it’s sitting in the box up here and I’m reading more about how FIRM it truly is and I’m fricking scared. People saying how uncomfortable they were and it being compared to laying on a carpeted floor😭 What I’m on now is already tough for me. I would take it out and test it, but it would be way more of a bitch to move out of here not in the box, especially a king size. We live in an old home with steep stairs with a very sharp turn. I kind of wish I didn’t get it now and that I got one maybe just a bit less firm but still meets the standards for cosleeping. I’m looking at the avocado eco mattress which seems to be a little lower on the firmness scale and on sale for the same price right now. I’m scared to tell my husband what I’m thinking because he thought this was all unnecessary in the first place (he will always be the person to want to do the least and spend the least) and this is a very me thing to do and change my mind after all this trouble cause I purchased impulsively😅

Idk what I’m getting out of this post. Just needed to rant these thoughts because I feel stupid lol. If anyone has something to say to make me feel better that’d be great.

Let me premise by saying my husband is in no way actually pressuring me, he’s just sexually frustrated which I think is natural so I don’t blame him. I just don’t think he truly gets it and it’s hard because it feels like it’s driving a wedge between us. It’s not even like he necessarily is expecting actual penetrative sex, at least just intimacy (which we’ve done here and there so he can get off lol), but I’m also breastfeeding and have noooo sex drive. I had a second degree tear and a large post birth hematoma. I’ve been doing pelvic floor therapy but recovery was ROUGH and I still feel very firm down there! So that doesn’t help either.

I’m a stay at home and even though my husband is helpful I feel like he could do a little more so I’m just starting to feel burnt out. I cosleep and wake up to nurse my baby all night, so the little time my baby sleeps in his crib at the start of night while I chill with my husband and watch tv is like our only alone time, and I just want to sit there and do nothing, not be sexually intimate. When he suggested it tonight I clearly was not into the idea, and he seemed bothered that I’m not in the mood still, and I’m like “I’m postpartum and breastfeeding, this is a tough phase to feel into it” and he’s like “it’s been 7 months I feel like it’s not a phase and this point you just don’t want to” and I’m like ugh noo. He clearly just doesn’t understand.

I know this has to be relatable and is a normal experience, so I’m just looking for some advice on how to deal with this. I wasn’t a sexual person to begin with so it’s just something I’m not focused on in general, but I know it’s important for our relationship to connect in that way. I do feel bad cause my husband is human and has needs, but I wish I could get him to understand a bit better. Or if there’s way I can get myself more ready and open to it I’d like to.