u/ctonic_lullaby

Nunca he practicado la adivinación con espejos, pero estoy pensando en comprar un espejo y pintarlo de negro para empezar.

¿Alguien me puede dar algunos consejos para hacerlo bien?

Edit: I'm talking about how to start doing divination with it and better interpret the things I see. I'm not talking about the materials, just the practice, lmao 😭😭

I've never done scrying before, but I'm planning to get a mirror and paint it black to start

Can anyone give me some tips on how to do it right?

I I feel so stupid. I remember him getting angry with me because, due to the trauma, my memory worsened, and I often confused his birthday with another day. But now that he's gone, I remember it clearly

I wish I could talk to him and wish him a happy birthday, but he hates me. He hates me because I'm no longer that innocent 15 year old girl who wanted to talk to him about animals and all the things I knew by heart while he praises me for being intelligent and for being "more mature" than the others

I feel so guilty for the harm he caused me because, even though I'm now really dumb and my memory is worse because of him, I still miss him and want to protect him. This is a living hell

He knew how gross this was, he knew how this can affect someone, he knew what he did was wrong, but he still chose to make me feel miserable

I remember feeling like an animal that could barely walk with him, but when I turned 16 and he asked me to do disgusting things with him, I felt like parts of my body were missing. I didn't feel like my body was dirty, I just felt like he had stolen something that was mine and that I was rotting away inside

I didn't defend myself against his violence until I snapped and acted violently against him because I couldn't bear everything he had done to me for so many years. Because of that, he called me "the abuser" when I was just reacting to the harm he was causing, while trying to defend myself because he terrified me, and still terrifies me to this day (I didn't hit him, but I did insult him while I was crying)

Sometimes I feel compassion for him because he was also a victim of grooming, but sometimes I wish that all the harm he suffered would be repeated as punishment

My body feels broken, and several aspects of my life are ruined forever, especially my health. It's just that a part of me misses that person who promised to protect me from all harm, but at the same time, I feel indifferent. Maybe I'm healing; I don't know

But at the same time my brain believes it's all my fault, especially since I couldn't even report it to the police, and I wasn't able to talk much more about what he was doing to me before. I know I was just a child, but he put it in my head that I'm a "bad and manipulative child"

Tengo esa duda desde hace un tiempo, según lo que investigué no hay problema, pero aún así quiero preguntar por respeto hacia ella

In short, and to avoid being too explicit, someone who was part of this religion did something illegal and unforgivable, and I was the one who suffered the most

He was an incredibly cruel person, and sadly, someone I trusted. He even helped me discover that Hellenic Polytheism exists, so this is a very deep wound. He went so far as to say things like, "Apollo hates you, and that's why you feel like you can't talk to any god anymore." Ironically, after praying to Apollo, a throat problem I'd had since childhood disappeared almost as if by "magic". But even so, these things affected me deeply because, as I said, he was someone very dear to me, and to top it all off, he left me with a trauma I wouldn't wish on anyone

Because of this trauma, I gradually neglected my altar, and I also became paranoid because of what he told me, claiming that the gods hated me even though I hadn't done anything to anger them. In addition to this, I felt sad because he constantly posted things saying he was grateful to the gods for the blessings they gave him, especially regarding money

Maybe the gods have already abandoned him, I don't know, but it hurts to know that he said they were blessing him while I just suffered through long nights, praying for justice so that somehow everything would be right again

I miss the gods a lot, but I just don't really know how to approach them again after everything that happened

Tw: CSA, Grooming, SH, attempted murder, mention of suicide, addictions, psychological violence

When I was 15, this guy was 18 and we started dating, he was sweet with me and told me things like I was his favorite, his "light", he liked me because I was "mature for my age" and more gross things, but slowly he became violent and a monster. He said he was asexual because in the past someone assaulted him and I understood and respected it, so things related to sex were rarely discussed

At 15 he started to said things like I should kill myself, and much more horrible things, all while telling me he was jealous of me for being "perfect," and that bothered him. But he always said it in that victim-playing tone that makes you feel like all his misery isn't his fault, but yours, even though it isn't. He would leave me crying until nightfall almost every day, and I couldn't eat because my stomach felt nauseous. This severely affected my grades in high school. I also started to distance myself from everyone because I believed he was right, that everything bad that happened to him was my fault. Besides, just as he was destroying me, he would also say and promise me things full of "love," and my stupid teenage brain believed it, because he even told me that's what love looks like: the more it hurts, the more it means he loves me. Things continued like this until I turned 16, but before I turned 16, he completely shattered how I saw myself, I started drinking in secret, because I felt that alcohol would be my escape, even if only for a few brief moments; I just wanted it all to end once and for all especially the intrusive thoughts that I started having

At 16, he changed more, he started to talk more about sex and he no longer left me crying because of the fights; in fact, fights were too rare to happen. I was happy, because I felt he was treating me like his precious princess and no longer like his personal punching bag, but it was just the start of something more disgusting. One night he said he wanted to have sex with me, but fortunately, due to the distance, it never happened. I was shocked and asked if he was sure because of his trauma, he said yes and we started talking more about sexuality, sex education, etc, I was just 16 and he 19. He knew how I used to love to draw, so he told me to draw ourselfs, not a sona or oc's, US IN REAL LIFE, having sex and I did because I wanted to see him happy, he laugh and said "I want to see your naked body" but with sweet and romantic words. I did it too, but I tried to covered myself, he said he wanted to see more of my skin and little by little I started to send more and more pics of myself even if he didn't ask. That's how, because of him I developed an addiction to porn because it wasn't just pics, he told me to undress in front of him during video calls, we played sex games, showed me NSFW content and I don't remember more. It always felt bad and was hard to say "please, no" because if I showed even the slightest bit of displeasure, he treated me badly, I was scared and at the sametime wanted more, it was an addiction after all

More time happened, the hell was more worst. I wanted to die, my body felt destroyed, not dirty, but I felt like a porcelain doll with no body parts, full of cracks and bugs living inside. I didn't understand why I felt so miserable, until someone who was like my big brother and was the same age of him. He was worried because I was acting strangely. At first, I couldn't say anything because that monster told me I couldn't tell anyone, but I just snapped and asked my brother if everything my groomer was doing to me was normal. I thought he'd get angry and call me an idiot, but he explained that it was grooming and said he felt bad for not realizing it sooner

Sadly things didn't end here. For a long time I didn't believe anyone when they said I was a victim and nothing was my fault, because he said I'm just a liar and a manipulator who wanted to destroy his life. My brother tried to make me understand he was the real liar and the only one who has ruined my life, but I couldn't believe him because more things happened with my groomer that I didn't mention in this post, that's why getting away from him was so difficult, especially because he did things to me that made me act like their prey, obeying orders and always returning to its predator. I felt guilty because I believed I brought this on myself, and because of me, the people who loved me were now suffering because I couldn't speak up in time about what he did to me, at the same time, I heard his voice telling me that I'm the worst, that he feels bad because of me, because I'm a fake victim who lies. Because of these kinds of thoughts, I couldn't stand it anymore and I started hurting myself, later I tried to kill myself in different ways but I survived every attemp. I lost contact with my brother and the people who tried to help me, the evidence of what he did to me also almost completely disappeared because he made me believe that I was just exaggerating and that he was the one who developed trauma because of me, not me

Years later I tried to talk about this again because, due to how traumatic it was, I had forgotten about it and only remembered it because he had left my life. But he tried to kill me (and failed) when he found out I was talking about what he did

I'm safe now, but I don't think my life will be normal again, especially because the laws that were supposed to protect me failed me, and in front of others, he's a poor little victim who was defamed because he couldn't go for people his own age and had to take advantage of a minor, how ironic