Coming up to 15 years.
This Sunday I will have 15 years of sobriety and 37 years of AA participation. Hear are 15 things I've learned about recovery during this period, one for each year of sobriety. Not everyone is going to agree with what I state here but that's okay. I believe our recovery journeys are personal and we each need to find our own path.
1. I was involved with AA for 22 years before I finally sobered up. The difference came when I realized and accepted that alcohol was destroying me, and that something had to change. Not drinking was the first part of that change.
2. Is alcoholism a disease, an allergy, something trying to kill me, or something else entirely? For me, it doesn’t really matter. All I know is that having alcohol in my system prevents me from being the best person I can be. That is enough.
3. Recovery begins with honesty. Most of us become experts at rationalizing, minimizing, and explaining away our behavior. Real change started for me when I became willing to look honestly at who I was, where I was, and where my choices were taking me.
4. My past defines who I am today, but it does not determine who I become tomorrow. I am the product of my experiences, choices, successes, failures, and the lessons I have learned from them. Recovery did not change my past. It changed how I understand it and how I use it to shape my future.
5. I think of recovery as two things: abstinence and change. Abstinence is simply not drinking. Change is more complicated. It starts with understanding who I am today and having a vision of who I want to become. Once I understand both, I can identify the gap between them, take a step forward, assess, adjust, and repeat. As I learn and grow, my vision evolves as well.
6. I believe belief is what keeps us sober. What we believe matters, but how we believe matters even more. Whatever we believe in, we need to believe in it with enough conviction to drive the change we need to make.
7. A higher power is not necessary to find and maintain sobriety. The power to change is in each one of us. We need to find it, strengthen it, and protect it. At times, we may need support or direction, but the responsibility for change remains ours.
8. I think of spirituality as connection. For some, that connection is to God. For me, it is the connection between my innermost self, the people who matter to me, and the world around me.
9. Strength has to be maintained through connection. For me, that connection comes from family and close friends. I can go a long time without an AA meeting, but I cannot stay away from the people closest to me.
10. Addiction thrives in isolation. Recovery grows through connection. Isolation lets old thinking take over. Connection pulls me back to honesty, perspective, and the life I am trying to build.
11. Because belief matters so much, AA works well for some people, but not for everyone. It works for those whose beliefs already align with it, or for those willing to change their beliefs to make it fit. For everyone else, it may fall short of what they need.
12. Relapse is part of addiction, not recovery. People often say relapse is part of recovery. I disagree. Relapse is part of addiction. Recovery begins when we commit to living differently. Recovery is what happens after that commitment is made.
13. Recovery is not about perfection. It is about alignment. I define integrity as alignment between what I believe, what I think, what I say, and what I do. Recovery is the ongoing process of bringing those things closer together.
14. Recovery is not about finding answers. It is about continually questioning them. Any belief worth holding should be strong enough to survive examination. Growth comes from challenging our assumptions, not protecting them.
15. The goal is not to stop drinking. The goal is to build a life worth living. Not drinking is necessary, but it is only the beginning. Recovery gave me the opportunity to become a better husband, father, grandfather, friend, and human being. Sobriety opened the door; learning how to live is what came after.